JB & 5SOS

note: italicized = smut

☾ = 250+ / ☆ = 500+ notes

Blurbs - if you prefer to scroll, click [here]

“I’m Not the Only One” inspired - In which he’s alone and you’re not.

Losing contact with your best friend - In which the title is self-explanatory. // Part 2 - In which there may or may not be a resolution.

☆ / Comfort - In which Calum just needs to be reminded you’re there.

Piggyback Rides - In which your best friend insists on giving you a piggy back ride.

☾ / “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” - In which you and your best friend have to share a bed for arbitrary reasons.

☾ / Shoe Shopping - In which you and him go to the Vans store.

☾ / “Baby, come sit on my lap” - In which it’s game night and there’s nowhere to sit.

☾ / “I’ll always need you more” - In which Calum is insecure.

“All I’ve ever needed is staring right at me.” - In which Calum confirms he’s in it for the long haul.

☾ / Hammock - In which Calum convinces you to lay with him.

☾ / “… Are you proposing to me?” - In which you can probably guess what happens.

☾ / “I can’t lose you, I need you.” - In which you aren’t answering Calum’s calls.

“She will never be you.” - In which your ex shows up after three years.

His Sweater - In which you give Calum’s things back after the breakup.

☾ / “We’re going to get caught!” - In which you & Calum sneak around backstage.

“I just need some space.” - In which you accidentally hog the bed.

Appetizers - “We’re both trying to take advantage of the unlimited appetizers deal on separate dates at TGI Fridays and I got the mozzarella sticks and I’m on my sixth plate and I want to die, can I PLEASE swap you for some of your wings?” AU

☾ / Thanksgiving - In which it’s the first time you and Calum host a holiday for both of your families as a couple.

Tangled- In which you & Calum are having difficulties walking your dogs.

(#55: “Our first date is a picnic on a beach under the stars? Have you swallowed a romance novel? Do I need to call a doctor?”) - In which your best friend takes you out on your first date.

(#61: “I love you. I’m completely and utterly in love with you. Please don’t get married.” / #98: “I can’t watch you with someone else. It’s tearing me apart.”) - In which it’s the day of your wedding.

(#64: “Are you ticklish?” / #71: “Kiss me, quick!” / #84: “I’m dying.”) - In which your boyfriend gets what he deserves.

☾ / (#87: “You were never just my friend.”) - In which Calum recites his vows.

(#99: “We’re in an abandoned lodge in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you’re totally right, nothing bad could ever happen here!”) - In which you’re alone with a certain brunette that you absolutely can’t stand.

Post Break-up prompt - “If this is the last time I see you, know I love you more than anything.”

☾ / Post Break-up prompt - “How come I can’t let go of you?”/ “Our song came on and I needed to talk to you after hearing it.” / “We were so good.”

Post Break-up prompt - “Give me another chance” / “I’ll wait at our restaurant ‘til closing time. If you don’t go then I’ll stop trying.”

“Marry me.” - In which you’re drunk on champagne and love.

☆ / “Are you really that fucking blind?” - In which you confront your best friend about why he’s been ignoring you.

☾ / “I’ve tried to move on, but no one is you.” - In which this blurb is loosely based off of Back to December by Taylor Swift.

☾ / Inquiring Minds - In which Calum’s mother is anything but subtle.

☾ / The Type of Boyfriend He Would Be - In which the title is self-explanatory.

☾ / Line 2 - In which you’re Calum’s celebrity crush and you make a surprise call in during one of his radio interviews.

Midnight - In which Calum endures pillow fight attacks on the tour bus to talk to you.

Moon Man - In which you and Calum both win awards at the VMA’s.

One shots

“You Lied to Me” - In which Calum sees you in a nightclub and proceeds to demand why you stopped being friends with benefits. // Part 2 - In which you realize how much damage you caused.

☾ / “I think we need to talk” - In which he’s nervous about asking you a question.

☾ / Meeting His Family - In which he takes you to his family reunion.

☾ / Green - In which it’s described how “green” has been present in every way, shape, and form in your relationship.

☆ / “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” - In which being 5sos’s makeup artist had it’s perks, but covering the hickies of someone you had a crush on definitely wasn’t one of them.

“Two Headlights Shine Through the Sleepless Night” - In which it’s the night before he leaves for tour and he needs reassurance.

☾ / The Man - In which Calum’s life is practically Ed Sheeran’s song.

Let Them Say What They Want - In which you find someone to run with rather than discovering someone who wanted you want to settle down.

Please Don’t Have Somebody Waiting On You - In which Calum enjoys the annual label party for the first time.

☆ / “I would’ve done anything for you…” - In which you and Calum are the only single people on the annual band camping trip.

Fake Texts

☆ / He accidentally kills your fish

He comes from a very poor family. His father was an alcoholic who beat him and his mother (he once poured hot tea over her and put her in hospital several times), his brother is a drug addict, he literally built an empire out of nothing.

He credits his mother as his biggest inspiration and often has her cooking in his shows.

When he left his first restaurant he pulled a successful Jerry Maguire - the entire kitchen staff went with him. That tells you what he’s like to work with.

He was one of the first to give a restaurant to a female chef.

He went to prison (Gordon Behind Bars) and taught inmates to bake and they opened a bakery (Bad Boys Bakery) that is still running. He hired one of them when he got out.

He did documentaries about the cruelty of shark hunting and cocaine. (when he discovered cocaine was used by his staff he didn’t fire anyone but made sure they are offered treatment)

His kids are a treasure.

He is always ALWAYS kind to servers.

When one of his partners (Marcus Wareing) wanted to leave they got into a fight and settled it in court, they no longer speak to each other but this is what Marcus said about him after the fight: 

I feel bad that the first association to him for a lot of people is this shouty TV chef when he’s truly a wonderful person. 

Oh and then there’s this:

people who were screaming for justice minutes after the news came out, begging that “the threat” will be faced with a “final solution” suddenly keep quiet. why? to defend whiteness? because if a white man is labelled a terrorist, whiteness will be under attack the same way we condemn all muslims for the actions of a few? it’s dispicable.

1. Stop calling yourself an Autism Mom and making it all about you. 2. Meltdowns suck, but they’re harder on her than you. Work with her to figure out her triggers and don’t dismiss them. 3. Some types of behavioral therapy which focus on emotional regulation can be beneficial but anything that rigidly demands forced eye contact, forbids stimming, or aims to make her act “less autistic” is abusive. 4. Autism Speaks is garbage. 5. Vaccines don’t cause autism. 6. Focusing on causes and cures is both ableist and pointless. 7. Listen to and respect your kid as a valid human being. 8. Make whatever accommodations she needs to function optimally without making a big deal about it. 9. Be prepared to fight if school is unwilling to make accommodations. 10. Know your kid’s educational rights as a disabled person and make damn sure her school honors them 11. Don’t just rely on teachers and therapists to understand autism. Talk to actually autistic adults to gain a better sense of what to expect for your child’s future. Don’t know any? Follow blogs with the tag #actually autistic. And encourage your kid to do the same, especially as she gets older. 12. Your kid is capable of a lot more than you may think and she’s growing up. Stop infantilizing her and let her make mistakes.