K

I had a psych evaluation recently, and she said at the end of it that I checked every single box for DID, but because I was schizophrenic, it was better explained by delusion, so I didn't get professionally diagnosed with it. That pissed me the fuck off given I went through months of testing just to be told that, by a different person, I would most likely be diagnosed with DID. That was the final push I needed to be pro-self diagnosis.

You know yourself best, and as long as you do your research and examine your motives behind wanting a label like dissociative identity disorder, or any other disorder/mental illness label for that matter, fucking go for it.

I am anti-psych for the most part, and the only reason I use diagnostic labels is so I can easily give someone a word that captivates all my symptoms rather than explaining the many that I exhibit.

or even better that someone or something would just kill me and take the burden off my plate of doing it myself

-deep, quick attachments to a romanticized "what if" persona of someone who doesnt give two flying fucks about you

-always at a war with yourself because you don't actually quite know what your obsession with this person classifies as. all you can say is that its unhealthy, and that you do not care

-constantly feeling as though you will never know who you truly are because youre so used to this performative version of your actions. youre aware of how you act but cant do anything about it

-having an absurd amount of empathy yet letting it go the moment youre remotely upset with someone. after that breakdown you just realize what kind of hatred you just spewed and now you regret every last being of your existence as you bleed into the bathtub

-feeling unloved for the slightest things. that person acquainted with another? they hate you, they dont think youre special, and you should immediately let go of them and never even think twice about returning though youll regret it

-needing validation so bad that youll ignore blatant signs of needing escape. youll block any bad thing about the person just so you can be coddled for once in your life

-never quite really moving on from anything. this relationship/interaction you built with this person is from 10 years ago and youre stuck on it no matter what