Something along these lines

He’s a criminal. He’s a telepath. His legs break so often that he has a catchphrase about it. He was indoctrinated into a cult when he was seven. He’s had sex with almost all of his friends. He’s a performer with stage fright. He was haunted by a talking toilet. He asks random women if they’re single cause it’s funny. He thinks he’s better off alone. He’s terrified of being alone. He believes he’s a vampire on a regular basis. He’s based on a cereal mascot. I didn’t say his name but he popped into your head didn’t he

what are you even supposed to do when youre angry.  cant scream at anyone cos im not a dick. cant break anything cos i paid money for that. cant rip my hair out cos i need it on my head. literally what now

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

the change from AD to CE feels really emblematic of how surface-level and meaningless the supposed secularization of the western world is

Common Era is definitely preferable over Anno Domini, if only because christ is no lord of mine, but it’s only less christianocentric in that it doesn’t overtly make reference to christ in its title. the benchmark is still the same. you’re still measuring when the common era began using the (supposed) birth of christ, separating history into “the period before jesus” and “the period after jesus”. this conception of history is no less defined by christianity than it was before, except that now it’s easier to ignore because you’ve draped it in a “secular”, “modern” veneer and done nothing to actually unpack the ways in which western society intrinsically centers christianity.

I like this idea but if we changed it now then next year would be the year 67 which would make a lot of people angry

not the twitter migrants putting "reblog heavy" in their bios on here... like yeah. that's what we do here

listen to me, this is so so important: you've gotta get used to really giving it your 60% as a default. like don't half-ass it necessarily but try not to go over 70% or so of an ass. you'll feel better and live a happier more fulfilled life, and on the rare occasions where you do need to lock the fuck in you'll be able to pull off bullshit that the sad miserable wretches giving it their 100% can never dream of, because they're busy draining themselves dry and you have energy reserves to spare.

i can't cope

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

before pride month ends does anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me

posting this on the first day of june so you all have plenty of time to gather your nerves and whatnot

I'll say it again: other people do not owe you a perfectly curated experience of the world. Being a little uncomfortable sometimes is just the cost of like...existing in the world.