Yee Ol' Crumpster

once you hit adulthood a day will come when you’re suddenly like VEGETABLES 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 and it never goes away

We even have PRIZES for when you finish filling up your sheet with stickers! 

Support your local library. There may even be a sticker for you at the end 🌟

Its always funny in Sillydelphia

we need to be teaching kids that macbooks are shit and dont do anything or else tiktok freelancers will make them think macbooks are good

you cant do shit on a macbook without it hyperventilating and trying to start a fire, theyre like an inhumane breed of computer it hurts for them to exist

Thinking about 13 Latvias again

pianos just dont drop on ppl like they used to

It’s a very bourgeois style of accident to be honest. Most people can only afford to drop a Yamaha home keyboard on someone

Occultists and sex workers are natural allies because we are both ideal background extras whenever a scene calls for an air of disreputable luxury.

Real Shit

monoculture forests are deeply unsettling in a way that is hard to explain to people who do not spend a lot of time looking at forests

Concept: Cold Topic. The opposite of Hot Topic. You walk in and you don’t immediately feel a thousand goth eyes piercing into you. The music is peaceful and subdued and not destroying your eardrums. Lots of color and pastel shades. You find a ton of cute stuff and the lack of the ow the edge attitude is kinda pleasant. The salesperson offers you complimentary cupcakes. You find yourself in a welcoming atmosphere, but it’s a little too welcoming. Another salesperson appears except they look identical to the first one. You start to feel uncomfortable so you buy your things and head for the door. Then 5 more freakishly identical salespeople appear to obstruct your escape route. They don’t let you leave

Claire’s

S T   O   P

as someone who used to work at Claire’s, I can confirm

glad this resonated with all of the freaks i love you

Imagine a dragon at Antiques Roadshow, appraising its hoard

Imagine the dragon hoards monetarily worthless things like newspapers or old bones and the person appraising it getting more and more nervous about telling the dragon their stuff isnt worth anything

Imagine that the dragon knows this and just likes watching the person squirm.

The dragon actually hoards uncomfortable situations

I just love it when people come up with random weird animal or dragon things and iguanamouth illustrates them just because.

I swear how do I know ZERO celebrities. You guys always talk about famous people and I have no idea who the hell you’re talking about but then it turns out they’re the most well known and liked person on earth right now

because all u do is watch phineas and ferb

They sent Candace to the moon the other day.

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.