handypolymath

"Great! What do you recommend?"

Mozart (Currently shredding Violin Concerto No. 1 on the guitar, having figured it out within 30 seconds): What other music can be made from harnessed lightning?

I am all for holding men accountable. I do think we should call out petty, controlling, abusive behavior, and I do think men should face consequences for these behaviors.

Because it is important that these men face consequences, it is important to teach people — men who have gotten away without so much as a slap on the wrist, women who enable these behaviors, girls who are told that it is okay to be treated this way, impressionable boys developing their sense of morals — that it is not okay to behave this way.

But the second we start insinuating that these traits are inherently masculine, innate male behaviors, we throw that progress away.

It's true that these behaviors are more common in men, but not for biological reasons. It's because these behaviors have been labeled as acceptable, these behaviors have been encouraged. Which is why it is crucial to say "no, this is not okay, this is unacceptable, and there are consequences to doing this."

When you reduce it biological explanations, you give these behaviors a pass. You're saying, whether you mean to or not, that men are behaving as men do, because they're men, and this is how they operate. Which means that these behaviors are acceptable by virtue of being uncontrollable. That's just how men are. They can't help themselves. It's up to everyone around them to protect themselves, because men are just giving in to their nature.

"Justice sensitivity" does not mean "neurologically I am a good person who stands up for what's right." It means you have a strong reaction to perceived injustice. But it does not mean your moral compass is calibrated well. The white dudes who are most obsessed with taking away Affirmative Action likely also have "justice sensitivity" -- their sense of injustice is just triggered by something different from what triggers mine, because we have different values. Some people's sense of injustice is triggered by pretty much any situation ever not working out in their favor. Those people can still be "justice sensitive" even if you wouldn't think of them as good people.

Also, there is no neurodivergent condition that makes you automatically capital-H Honest. Some Autistic people aren't good at intentionally lying or find it very uncomfortable to intentionally lie, but others lie just fine and I've met some who did it all the time. "Intentionally lie" is also doing a lot of work here, as you can be very dishonest without intentionally lying if you are prone to lying to yourself, which neurodivergent people are no less likely to do.

IF YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS ALREADY, YOU SHOULD TRY IT