Dispatches from my brain

wdym i have to keep going

you have to be careful reading too many things that are good/smart/well-written bc then you encounter something that isnt and you get confused like ? why didnt they just make this good ? were they stupid

Stop dumbing down your prose for “reach.” It’s just another form of capitulating to censorship. Speak in your own voice.

Do you really want to cater to the lowest common denominator? Would you really like to read what you feel pressured to write?

I think part of getting better is complete ego death. Like you’re not above setting a timer for 5 minutes and focusing on a task. You’re not above doing a very simple 3 minute workout to start. You’re not above reading for 10 minutes a day when you first get out of your reading slump, even if you used to read for hours. You’re not above starting slow and then building up to where you want to be/where you once were. What you are above is total inertia. Doing something really is better than doing nothing. Radically accept where you are, radically accept your limits, and go from there. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

trees are very 🥺 because sometimes i’ll stand under the shade of a tree and look up at it and it’ll sway its branches about in the wind and i’m like oh my God i’m alive and YOU’RE alive. we are alive together and made up of the same starry stuff and standing right next to each other in this moment on this earth. do u feel it when i reach out and press my hand to your trunk? can you hear me? i think you’re so neat. and then the sunlight filters through its leaves just so and that lovely green color leaves me dazzled. it’s just very nice to be an alive thing next to a different sort of alive thing

“It’s just very nice to be an alive thing next to a different sort of alive thing” I’m in love

Wow. Yeah. All true.

don’t take my defeatism too seriously I will always begin again and again no matter what

I might sound miserable most of the time but at my core I’m a very hopeful person

"oh you're just being nice" JUST? do you have any idea how much work goes into this shit? JUST being nice? girl i am doing some supercomputer shit upstairs to construct this niceness. they installed laplace's demon in my brain to trace out the last hour of interaction and calculate the optimal thing to say to make you feel better. and i still somehow beefed it? JUST being nice? yeah and bach was "just writing songs" jesus fucking christ. people askin for cordiality like it's no big deal

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

the thing about being "good with kids" is all it takes is literally just not trying to control and mould them with every interaction. it's just being a normal person and engaging with them through normal interactions like having conversations and playing games. it's just being genuine and friendly and not perceiving them as lumps of wet clay you are there to shape. "oh you're so good with kids" thanks it's because I think they are people

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

sorry boss can't come in today i was on my way to work and then a gentle spring breeze kissed my cheek and reminded me it is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world