Writings of a Half-Crazed Author

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

TBH I thought this would be harder, would require way more work, but somehow it really hasn’t been. I found a clinic in my area that offered HRT, called them, and learned I could walk in and ask to start, no appointment needed. So I did. Then the doctor did all the stuff necessary to clear me for the HRT treatment and sent me off to schedule an appointment in two weeks for my first shot. I even qualified to have my first appointment covered through a grant rather than billing my insurance.

My best friend @queer-and-sunny just happened to be there when I went for my first shot, so they came with. I went, I talked to the doctor, and they sent me to their in house pharmacy for the T. When my insurance required a prior authorization (takes 2/3 days), they just gave me a shot out of their supply. I was stunned! I didn’t have to pay extra. Everything was super chill.

I didn’t realize it could possibly be that simple.

There were pride flags everywhere! Majority of the staff was openly LGBTQ+. I believe they can be your primary care provider if you want!

They also asked our preferred names & the pronouns. Staff who didn't know always used they. I almost started crying even though it wasn't my appointment because it was so inclusive & welcoming.

Guys, gals, and non-binary pals-

I have been spending the last month or so designing and creating Pride art using many different flags, many of them are ones I don’t see represented in pride gear as often. If I don’t have one that you would like to see, please let me know. I want to give representation to as many identities as I can.

Here’s a sampling of some of the flags and designs I currently have uploaded onto the website.

“At least it’s not heroin.”

It can be hard to remember how to properly address your noble or royal characters when writing a fantasy court. Here is a quick guide:

1. King/Queen:

Usually addressed as either “Your Grace” or “Your Majesty”. Consort (married to a ruler and not reigning in their own right) can be addressed the same. Sire or Madam can be used also.

2. Prince/Princess:

They are addressed as “Your Highness”. They are NEVER addressed the same as a King or Queen

3. Duke/Duchess:

These are addressed with “Your Grace”. This was a common term also used by royalty before Henry VIII got to big for his codpiece.

4. Earl (Count)/Countess:

Are almost never referred as the “Earl of Narnia” but “Lord Narnia”.

5. Lord/Lady:

An easy one. They are called “My Lord” or “My Lady”.

6. Emperor/Empress:

These may be equal to a King/Queen for status but the have a grander title. They are only addressed as “Your Imperial Highness/Majesty”

Despite the fact that I am not deaf, mute, or blind myself, one of the most common questions I receive is how to portray characters with these disabilities in fiction.

As such, I’ve compiled the resources I’ve accumulated (from real life deaf, mute, or blind people) into a handy masterlist.

Deaf Characters:

Deaf characters masterpost

Deaf dialogue thread

Dialogue with signing characters (also applies to mute characters.)

A deaf author’s advice on deaf characters

Dialogue between deaf characters

Mute Characters

Life as a Mute

My Silent Summer:  Life as a Mute

What It’s Like Being Mute

21 People Reveal What It’s Really Like To Be Mute

I am a 20 year old Mute, ask me anything at all!

Blind Characters:

The 33 Worst Mistakes Writers Make About Blind Characters.

@referenceforwriters masterpost of resources for writing/playing blind characters.

The youtube channel of the wonderful Tommy Edison, a man blind from birth with great insight into the depiction of blind people and their lives.

An Absolute Write thread on the depiction of blind characters, with lots of different viewpoints and some great tips.

And finally, this short, handy masterpost of resources for writing blind characters.

Characters Who Are Blind in One Eye

4 Ways Life Looks Shockingly Different With One Eye

Learning to Live With One Eye

Adapting to the Loss of an Eye

Adapting to Eye Loss and Monocular Vision

Monocular Depth Perception

Deaf-Blind Characters

What Is It Like To Be Deafblind?

Going Deaf and Blind in a City of Noise and Lights

Deaf and Blind by 30

Sarita is Blind, Deaf, and Employed (video)

Born Deaf and Blind, This Eritrean American Graduated Harvard Law School (video)

A Day of a Deaf Blind Person

Lesser Known Things About Being Deafblind

How the Deaf-Blind Communicate

Early Interactions With Children Who Are Deaf-Blind

Raising a DeafBlind Baby

If you have any more resources to add, let me know!  I’ll be adding to this post as I find more resources.

Other casters: That’s not really how spells -

Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet.  Guess we don’t need a bridge.

Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t -

Wizard:  I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday.  Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?

Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE

Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems?  I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down.  I won’t forget this kindness.

Character Help

MBTI Personality Test

MBTI Personality Descriptions

123 Character Flaws

Character Trait Cheat Sheet

List of Personality Traits

Character Virtues And Vices

Underused Personalities

7 Rules For Picking Names

Character Names

Character Name Resources

Surnames Masterpost

Types of Voice

Showing Character Emotion

Writing Characters Of Colour

More On Writing Characters Of Colour

All Characters Talk The Same

Character Description

100 Character Development Questions

Character Development Questionnaire

30 Day Character Development Meme

Character Development Check List

Character Development Through Hobbies

List Of Character Secrets - Part 1 - Part 2

Mysterious Characters

Flat Characters

European Characters

Creating Believable Characters

Writing A Drunk Character

Writing Manipulative Characters

Writing Witty Characters

Writing Natural Born Leaders

Writing Rebellious Characters

Writing Indifferent Distance Characters

Writing Bitchy Characters

Writing Popular Characters

Writing Child Characters

Writing Villains

Villain Archetypes

Avoiding LGBTQ Stereotypes

Writing Homosexuals as a Heterosexual

Writing Males as a Female

Writing Convincing Male Characters

Writing Characters Of The Opposite Sex

Revealing A Characters Gender

The Roles Of Characters

Creating Fictional Characters From Scratch

Creating A Strong, Weak Character

Writing Characters Using Conflict And Backstory

Switching Up A ‘Too-Perfect’ Character

Help I Have A Mary-Sue!

Dialogue

Dialogue Tips

Realistic Dialogue

Flirty Dialogue

On Dialogue

General Help

Alternatives To Said

Avoiding Unfortunate Implications

Begin A Novel

Finishing Your Novel

Creating Conflict

Show Not Tell

Words For Emotions Based On Severity

Getting Out Of The Comfort Zone

A Guide To Writing Sci-Fi

Naming The Story

The Right Point Of View

Essential Story Ingredients

Writing Fantasy Masterpost

Five Rules For Thrillers

Pacing Action Scenes

Writing Races

Using Gender Neutral Pronouns

Dos and Don’t of Writing

General Writing Tips

Plotting

Outlining Your Novel

Creating A Compelling Plot

The Snowflake Method

Beginning and End, But No Middle!

Prompts and Ideas

Prompt Generator Lists

Creative Writing Prompts

Story Starting Sentences

Story Spinner

Story Kitchen

Writing Prompt Generator

Quick Story Generator

Dramatic Scenes

Plot Bank

Masterpost of Writing Execrises

Research

Survival Skills Masterpost

Mental Illness

Limits Of The Human Body

Stages of Decomposition

Body Language Cheat Sheet

Importance Of Body Language

Non Verbal Communication

Depression

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Anxiety

Schizophrenia

Borderline Personality Disorder

Degrees of Emotion

List Of Phobias - Part 1 (A - L) - Part 2 (M -  Z)

Psychology In Writing

Psychology Of Colour

Mob Mentality

How Street Gangs Work

Street Gang Dynamics

How To Pick A Lock

Death Scenes

Realistic Death Scenes

Fighting and Self Defence

Fighting Scenes

Problems With Fighting Scenes

Every Type of Fight Scene

Fantasy Battle Scenes

Body Language Of Flirting

Flirting 101

Kissing

Sex Scenes

Ballet Terms

Torture Guide (Trigger Warning)

Sibling Abuse (Trigger Warning)

Dream Sequences

Kleptomania

Psychiatric Hospital

Understanding issues, -isms and privilege

Revision

Cliché Finder

Reading What You’ve Wrote So Far

Synonyms For Common Words

Urban Legends On Grammar

Common Grammar Mistakes

Revising A Novel 

Setting

Average Weather Settings

Apocalypses

World Building 101

Bringing Settings To Life

Creating A Believable World

Mapping A Fictional World

Mapping Your World

Religion in Setting

Sounds to listen to whilst writing

Coffitivity

August Ambience

Rainy Mood

Forest Mood

SimplyNoise

SoundDrown

iSerenity

Nature Sound Player

myNoise

Tools

Tip Of Your Tounge

Write Or Die

Online Brainstorm

Family Tree Maker

Stay Focused

A soulmate AU where you have a black stain where your soulmate is supposed to touch you for the first time and it turns to millions of colors once they do.

Like, so many people with their right palms all black, waiting for that one handshake.

People who have black knuckles who are scared for years that they end up punching their soulmate or something and end up coming home with their knuckles turned all shades of red and blue and purple without them noticing because sometimes your hands just brush together.

Someone having a very visible black palm on their cheek that they try to cover up because people will just know they will be slapped one day.

Just

Healthy, strong sibling bonds

Two supportive, active parents

Men who are open with emotions of all kind

Women who have no weak spots for romantic love

Hardened characters who (professionally) care for kids, animals, or the elderly and are sweet with them

Pansexual and lesbian characters in sci fi

Intense newly-formed friendships

Lust at first sight, reluctantly (& eventually) in love

MCs who aren’t naturally or easily athletic 

Lazy do-gooders

Unlikely cat people

Someone who’s known for being a good singer/musician but would rather pursue math or science

Men who are rough but aren’t condescending to women

Non-humans who live in a human world and have a cultural identity crisis

Characters that willfully go to a therapist

Women with careers AND a rich, full family/social life

Dedicated teachers

A character that got a degree in business/finances/tech to have a secure job and save up for a lifelong dream

A woman who lives in an isolated area/home alone and prefers it that way

Divorced parents and step-parents that care about each other and work hard to be a loving support network for the kids involved

Sex workers that are not angels or demons, but complex characters like everyone else

Stay at home dads

Recovering alcoholics/addicts that have been clean for years and help other trying to get clean

A deadbeat, unemployed female character

Rough characters who are also bookworms

Body Language Cheat Sheet for Writers

As described by Selnick’s article:

the speaker there gave lots of advice for leaders—obviously, it was a leadership camp—but his saying about personality flaws struck me as useful for writers too. 

he said to us all “your curses are your blessings and your blessings are your curses” and went on to explain how because he was such a great speaker, it made him a terrible listener. he could give speeches for hours on end and inspire thousands of people, but as soon as someone wanted to talk to him one on one or vent to him, he struggled with it. 

he had us write down our greatest weakness and relate it to our biggest strength (mine being that I am far too emotional, but I’m gentle with others because I can understand their emotions), and the whole time people are sharing theirs, my mind was running wild with all my characters and their flaws.

previously, I had added flaws as an after thought, as in “this character seems too perfect. how can I make them not-like-that?” but that’s not how people or personalities work. for every human alive, their flaws and their strengths are directly related to each other. you can’t have one without the other.

is your character strong-willed? that can easily turn into stubbornness. is your character compassionate? maybe they give too many chances. are they loyal? then they’ll destroy the world for the people they love.

it works the other way around too: maybe your villain only hates the protagonist’s people because they love their own and just have a twisted sense of how to protect them. maybe your antagonist is arrogant, but they’ll be confident in everything they do.

How come there are so few magical birth control options in fantasy settings?

There is Jewelry Of Contraception, Miscarriage Hex, and Abortion Potion, and that’s it.

But come on, guys, it’s magic. Those are both things we can accomplish in the real world with science.

Why not “as long as this knot remains tied, your pregnancy will not progress any further. The embryo is fine, just frozen in time until you’re ready to become a parent!”

Or “I have turned the baby into a berry. get the father of the baby to eat it, and it’s his problem now”

Or “I’ve hexed your gonads, you won’t have any kids at all ever until you do a favor for a witch, preferably me”

Or “lol, I stole your dick in the middle of the night and put it on my tree with all the other dicks in the village”

“I have put the baby inside this seed. when you plant the seed, a flower will grow, and your baby will be inside it. your baby might be the size of a mouse, or uh look like a mouse, but hey, we can’t have everything. it can still talk and wear clothes, and those are the important things, right? it’ll save you a ton of cloth over the years, trust me”

“I have sent the baby into the future. the NEXT time either of you has a kid, it will be this baby, regardless of who you have it with. this baby will always be top of the queue until one of you lets it be born.”

“I took your womb, and put it in an eggshell in a duck in a chest in a tree guarded by a dragon at the end of the world. so the next time you get pregnant, it will definitely be on purpose.”

“I turned the baby into a cat. everyone likes kittens, right?”

“the baby isn’t “dead” so much as “turned back into an egg and a splash of jizz.” magic is cool, isn’t it?”

“you will only ever be fertile immediately after you eat turnips. and by immediately, I mean, put a turnip on the nightstand, if you catch my drift.”

“I have donated your fetus to the fetus lottery that witches draw from for infertile couples. it’s, uh, currently in this cauldron. yes this looks like leek and potato soup, but trust me, it’s a fertility potion.”