Imagines.

Husband went back to work 5/1 and I’ve been doing the best I can by myself. I don’t have much help and I don’t want to ask the only people who do help for help because it’s just too much.

Husband is home in the morning, but instead of taking baby so I can sleep, as I take night feedings, he’ll play video games and get ready for work stuff. I partially understand, but I’m also finding myself super upset with him for not thinking of me and what I do all day and also not wanting to bond with his daughter. He spends time with her when he has to, it’s never elective and that hurts me a lot. His parents didn’t show him a lot of love when he was growing up so maybe he doesn’t know how to express that. Maybe she’s just too little and too boring to do things with. Idk.

I’m getting overwhelmed easier, she’s getting easier in some areas and more difficult in the others. I get frustrated and will decide we’re going to have a simple day and then feel guilty because she didn’t do enough tummy time, we didn’t practice to roll, we didn’t read books or talk very much. I feel like I’m because of me she’s going to be behind on her milestones even though she’s right there or ahead right now.

Sometimes it’s easier not having husband home. Then I don’t expect the help or a reprieve from the crying, I just have to suck it up and do it. But when she’s crying and he’s in the other room enjoying his hobbies, it’s hurtful.

I tried to have this conversation, it turned into a 2 day fight. A whole day of him not talking to me. He went to a friends house one night (which is fine) and didn’t invite me to come along (also fine) and when he got there and they asked where I was, he invited me, but didn’t feel like he wanted me there, just put on a show for friends. Then he worked a double the next day. I’ve been suffering in silence because it’s easier that way.

But I’m declining, my mental health, my physical health, all of it. I’m having a really difficult time.

She’s asleep right now. It’s midnight. She’ll be up to eat in a couple hours, which I ALWAYS take. I can’t turn my brain off to sleep. I feel guilty for not having a better day with her. I feel guilty that there’s a hundred things I need to do and need to build. Guilty the house is a mess and laundry isn’t done. Dishes piling up. Counters full of trash.

“Oh, so we’re blacking out tonight?” I raised my eyebrows after looking into the cooler, finding only white claws and another bottle of whiskey. Top shelf at that. “Is your dad coming or something?”

Allison laughed, taking the whiskey out of my hand, “No, but he has good taste in whiskey and I have no money”. She flicked the cap off and took a swig. God she was such a badass. She raised her eyebrows at me, handing me the bottle. I shrugged and took a deep swig as well. Never had whiskey taste good. It might have burned the entire way down but it was so smooth and tasty, I didn’t even shutter as it went down. She gave me a grin that immediately made me feel more confident in myself.

“Well, share!” Lydia popped up, taking the bottle from my hands. Allison and I laughed it off. 

Scott and Stiles were setting up the table I had in the shed outside, pouring shots and grabbing drinks from the cooler to get the party started. “Hey!” Stiles exclaimed again, throwing his arm around my shoulders, “shots to go around!” Scott slid me a coke across the table, knowing it’s my go to chaser. Vodka was not my favorite, but it was the best liquor my body tolerated. He shot me a wink, making me blush. I knew he wasn’t flirting, nor was I into him, but I couldn’t help but find him attractive anyway. 

“By the way” Scott said, tapping the shot glass on the table and then slamming it back, “We invited Derek”. I sputtered on the vodka, trying my best to not have it come out of my nose. Been there, done that, very painful, do not want a repeat. Coughing up a lung, I swung my gaze to Stiles, “and he said he’s coming”.

FUCK! Wish I knew that sooner. I only met him once, and I was told he was a hard ass. Hard exterior, follow the rule, don’t make a mess, don't tolerate you being an idiot, type of guy. But by looking at him, I knew that hard shell had a warm gooey inside, and I wanted to see that part of him more than anything. Stiles tapped me on the back while I had my existential crisis.

Scott and Stiles took a running jump into the deep end, both doing a cannonball for maximum splash on Jackson. 

“What the fuck!?” he growled, eye’s shifting blue in annoyance. He dabbed his chest off with the towel on the table beside him. The boys just laughed and splashed each other more. I blew up some of the beach balls I bought and threw them in. Allison joined them shortly after that, but Lydia didn’t want to get her hair wet yet.

I heard the gate open and all 6 foot, tan skin of Derek Hale walked through. Dark ray bans covering his eyes, his beard trimmed. Walking in like a greek god holding a case of beer under one arm. My breath caught. Why was he so goddamn pretty? I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew they locked for a brief second before I got up to say hi. Isaac followed in shortly after, thankfully with the food I asked him to bring. I knew that wasn’t just a pretty face, he was a great cook.

“Hi!” I said enthusiastically, hating myself for how desperate I sounded. He grinned, greeting me back, “there’s a cooler if you need to put the beer in there, and Isaac, you can start up the grill”.

“Thanks” Isaac rolled his eyes slightly.

“Pool looks awesome” Derek complimented, taking a look around after cracking a beer open, “want one?” 

“No, I’m not a beer person but I’ll take a shot with you!” There’s only one way to break open that hard exterior at a party. Alcohol.

“Nah” he shrugged, taking a sip.

“C’mon” I nudged him with my shoulder. It ended up hitting his ribs due to being almost a foot shorter than him. He chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll give you a dollar.”

He barked out a laugh, his teeth on full display. “I don’t need a dollar.”

“Ugh!” he’s impossible, “what about a 2 dollar bill, super cool, and all yours for the price of one shot!”

He shook his head again, smiling down at me, “what do you have?”

“Yay!” I leaped, pointing my head to the table in the shed with the liquor. “Mostly vodka, but Allison brought a little bit of whiskey’”.

He shrugged, “dealers choice”. I broke out all the shot glasses I owned for this day and gave the largest glass with little bitch on it. He was a werewolf after all, he was going to need a lot to get his gooeyness to come out. He cocked his eyebrows when he saw how much I poured for him. “Please, this is like a normal shot for a supernatural creature of the night.”

“Ouch” he placed his hand over his heart, “but fair.” We clinked our glasses together and threw them back. I made one shot, two shots because I was always afraid of it coming out of my nose if I took too much. Derek threw the double back like it was water.

“Come on in!” Scott called. Derek shrugged, chugged the beer he was nursing and took a running dive into the deep end, throwing his shirt off in the process. I was in awe. His back muscles flexing as he raised his arms up for the perfect dive.

“Stop drooling” Jackson muttered from the chair he was sitting in, lathering oil so his skin would sizzle.

“Can werewolves even tan?” I narrowed my eyes at him. Isn’t tanning your skin cells dying and then they have super healing powers?

“Obviously” he laid back, putting his sunglasses into place.

Derek popped up, ran his hand down his face, blowing the water off his mouth, and running his hand through his hair.

“Coming?” I shook my head, it felt too intimidating to go into the water with him, going over to Isaac instead who was on the grill.

“So super rare burgers or what?” I teased, but thankfully he laughed at my stupid joke.

“Werewolf jokes, huh?” he flipped a burger over, clearly not rare, but almost burnt.

“I thought you were a good cook?”

“Hey, the first one always turns out bad” he shrugged, “give it to Jackson as a chew toy”.

“Heard that!” he called, not looking our way. I tried to stifle the laugh but it huffed out of me before I could stop it.

I sat and watched the guys and Allison play chicken in the pool. Scott was holding up Allison while Derek was holding up Stiles. Shockingly it was evenly matched with Derek’s mass and balance able to hold up Stiles easily, and Allison being a skilled fighter able to maintain her balance and take innocent Stiles down easily. She cheered as Stiles took the fall, Derek holding him under for just a second. Derek would likely win if he was the chicken, but no one was strong enough to hold him up. 

Food was done a while later so everyone got out to eat. Stiles brought me a shot to take, and Derek got another beer. I was thoroughly distracted by his shirtlessness but tried to hide my eyes behind my sunglasses as best I could.

“What are we listening to?” Derek asked, eyeing me. I flicked my watch to see the band, “it’s All Time Low”.

“Fucking love them” Scott commented, singing dear maria as the chorus came on.

“What do you want to listen to?” I rolled my eyes at Derek, “country? Want some Garth Brooks?”

“What do you know about Garth Brooks?” he chuckled.

“Oh you think because I’m younger than you I don’t know the old stuff?” I put on Friends in Low Places and sang along. He nodded to the music, a stupid smile on his face. I hope I put the stupid smile on his face.

“You get another shot for doubting me” I smirked, heading to the table to pour him another shot. He slammed it back with no problem as I struggled through mine.

“Alright, pool time for you” he grinned, grabbing my wrist before I could get away.

“NO!” I screamed, trying to twist out of his grip, only for him to pull me into him and wrap his arms around my waist and lifted me up like a weighed nothing. 

Scott and Stiles were cheering as I wiggled in his grip, trying my hardest to give him a hard time, but nothing was stopping him from throwing me over. I couldn’t even get a grip on him to be able to pull him in with me.

“Ready?” he said into my ear, I could hear the smile in his voice. My heart was pounding both from the closeness and not wanting to be thrown in the pool. “You don’t have your phone on you right?”

“What if I do? I challenged.

He rolled his eyes with a small huff, holding me to him with one arm and patting my pockets with his other, “you’re good”, he smirked and then threw me in without hesitation. My scream cut off as I hit the water, bubbled rising to the top.

I took my tshirt off and wrung it out over him when I got out, not that it mattered, he was already in the pool.

“Alright, alright, come here” he grinned, pulling me into a hug. I’ll take that apology any time.

“You’re taking another shot though” I challenged again, ready to get this man’s drunk. His gooey side was starting to peak out and I was thoroughly enthralled.

“You’re taking a double with me” he winked.

“No sir” I shook my head. He draped his arm around me to lead me over the table.

“C’mon, I thought you wanted to get drunk”

“I never said that, I said I wanted to get YOU drunk” I poked fun at him.

“Oh so you’re trying to take advantage of me” he winked, pouring his double shot and then filling a bigger glass with a double for me.

“Only if you let me” I inched toward him with the shot in my hand, “I’m only taking one.”

“You’re gonna take both” he cocked his eyebrow, taking his double, maybe triple shot down, “your turn”.

I shook my head and put some coke into my mouth before taking the vodka, there’s no way I’m taking two shots, I was already tipsy, I didn’t need to black out 2 hours into the party. A shiver wracked through me. Vodka was terrible.

“C’mon” he urged me, seeing there was still alcohol in there.

“No, I think I’m good,” I giggled, putting the cup down. 

He gave me a devious smirk and pulled me against him, one arm around my waist, holding my back to his chest. His other hand grabbed the cup of the liquor and put it in my hand, “you got it”, he curved his body down to say directly into my ear.

“Derek-”

“C’mon” he urged again, getting my coke ready for the chaser. Fine. I mean, how can I say no when he’s literally holding me to his body until I do. My heart was pounding again, I didn’t need this extra shot to feel the dizzying sensation of his arm around me. I begrudgingly took it and threw it down. He took the cup and traded it with the coke quickly.

“Good girl” he whispered in my ear, brushing his lips against my cheek and letting me go.  I watched him walk away from me like that was a fever dream, or if I already blacked out and dreamt this.

Stiles had his mouth open in awe as Derek walked away, probably seeing the entire thing. Lydia and Allison were grinning at me.