I look down at my food, stabbing away with my fork before looking at the across the table at Øystein. I listen as he shares about his day, the good, the bad, his frustrations, "I don't know maybe I'll just burn a church or two." Øystein says with a grin on his face, "you wouldn't actually do that, would you?" I ask curiously, taking a bite from my fork, he looks at me his grin fading away, he softly shakes his head, "no, of course not." he says softly, his eyes move back to his own plate, pushing food aside with his fork.

I nod, not really sure what to say. Øystein always tries to hide that black metal stuff from me. He says I'm better off without it. I think for him, he doesn't want me to know what he's up to when he's away being Euronymous. He claims he's protecting me, but I really think he's protecting how he's perceived by me. Everything I see in the media about him is how evil and satanic Euronymous and the black metal scene is, but that's not the man I'm with at home. I mean, I’m dating Øystein, not Euronymous. Øystein is always reassuring me about who he is, how the image that the press gave him isn't really him, how I know the real him. It's true, I do. However, in rare occasions when he says things like this, I can see a glimpse of excitement in his eyes. It’s times like this that make me question how much this black metal thing has changed him.

Days have passed since that comment was briefly said to me. I walk past the buildings along the strip heading to Helvete when a screen in the window of an appliance store catches my eye. "Historical Church Burned" the tv screen reads. My eyes widen in shock. “There’s no way." I mumble under my breath. I quickly walk past the rest of the buildings on the strip, run across the street, and open the door to Helvete.

I spot Øystein, he was putting away albums when his eyes moved up, meeting mine. I can see his mood slightly drop when he sees me, “Oh, hi beautiful" he says, almost avoiding eye contact. “Hi love." I say back, taking another step inside, letting the door close behind me. He stood there for a moment, awkwardly, before taking a deep breath. “You, um, you saw the news, didn't you?"

I play stupid, shaking my head. “No, why? What’s on the news?" I ask. Øystein gives me a suspicious look, before taking another deep breath and shoving his hands into his pockets. "`Ah, some church caught fire. The cops think it was me or something." He says with a bit of a scoff. “Oh wow....so, why would the cops think it was you?" I ask. His head drops slightly and he shrugs his shoulders, letting out a quiet, "I don't know."

“Okay... so you're trying to tell me that days ago you were just "joking" about burning a church, but now a church actually did get burned down, and the cops suspect that it was you, and it wasn't you?" I say, approaching him slowly. Øystein has a slight frown on his face, his eyes dart to the door of Helvete, making sure no one was around. He stood there for a moment, staring at me. “Look, I…" he starts, his eyes are glued to the ground now. He was clearly having a hard time getting out what he was trying to explain. “It’s complicated." he muttered, looking up at me. I stare at him, trying to read the expression on his face.

He lets out a low sigh. I could see the nerves and guilt written all over him. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what to say. "I just didn't want to upset you.."he says. I cross my arms, standing inches away from him, staring up at him. “Why did you do it?" I ask, my voice emotionless.

He stood there, looking sheepish and awkward. He averted his gaze from me and then back at the ground, before looking up at the ceiling and back at me. “It’s just… a thing that had to be done." he responded. I stared at him blankly at first, processing his words. My expression slowly changed into confusion and disbelief. “A thing that had to be done?” I repeated him.

He stared at me, his hands fidgeting a little bit. He let out another sigh. “It’s a statement, y/n." he says. I press my tongue into my cheek, keeping my arms crossed. I let out a little sigh. “Øystein, you lied to me..." I start, seeing his expression change into almost shame. “All I’m asking for is an explanation, okay? I’m not here to judge you. I just want to know why." I see he's contemplating it in his head. He looks up at me, grabbing my hand and licking his lip.

“It’s a statement against Christianity." He says. His eyebrow slightly furrows as he holds both my hands in his and he looks into my eyes. “Because it’s a hypocritical and oppressive religion." I look up at him, removing my hands from him. "I don't expect you to get it...this doesn't involve you, it's not for you. But, I need you to trust me that it happened for a reason." he says. I stare blankly for a moment before my eyes soften, I brush a piece of hair out of his face, not knowing what to say to him. Guilt is written on his face as he leans into my touch.

“You’re not angry at me?" He asks, raising his eyebrows at me. I pause for a moment, thinking, before saying “I’m angry at you for lying to me." He winced at my words. He looks into my eyes and nods. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have lied to you." he says with a sigh. He gently places his hands on my waist, pulling me towards him before wrapping his arms around me. "I'm an idiot for lying to you" he mumbles, leaning down placing soft kisses on my neck. "...such a idiot..." the soft gesture swiftly stops as the door bell chimes and he backs off, his small muscles immediately flexing and a dark expression on his face as he faces the person who walks in.