Things I Cant...

zayn using a photo of them as kids is really getting to me. does he still see them like that? i look at some people i’ve been friends with for years and see ourselves as the age we were when we became friends. my mental image is stuck there. this is fucking awful dude

liam. oh liam. god. he was the one i worried so much about ever since the band. like, it used to be zayn but when zayn left and grew i thought "ok, he's going to be ok" because you could see after a while that the band was not good for zayn. you could see it. but liam, god. he carried so much weight, all the time. from the band all the way to the present, he was the guy who was supposed to be put together. he was "daddy direction" he was. yeah. he was that guy. and i know it weighed on him. i KNOW it did. the drinking and the fucking spiraling he went through after the band, it was all connected. and i'm not. defending his choices, i'm not. but i'm grieving him and i'm aching for him, and. i just wanted him to be okay. i really really thought that he would be okay. and he's not. and i'm. fucking heartbroken about it.