ha

Please sir, may I have some more?

I bet she having visions of sugarplums! #haha #sister #passedout #christmaseve #santas #coming

Best movie.

It hurts my heart To see you cry I know it's dark This part of life Oh it finds us all #countrylyics #staystrong #believe #favesong #selfie

Between being lonely and alone. I do have to say, all my life I've always felt alone. I've never had really close friends or parents who make everything about me. I've always had siblings who had become more important because of their issues, or friends who just didn't care. People who I thought were my friends but turned out to be backstabbers and liars. What can I say, I'm used to it by now. I've always been a really independent person and as much as I was alone, I've never felt lonely - up until now. Feeling lonely is probably one of the worst feelings there is. Because it's not like sadness, where people can make you laugh and then it goes away. It's not like anger, where you can calm down and then it's gone. It's not even like heartbreak, where after a while you could just get over it and think about other things. To feel lonely is to feel that you have no one. You may have friends and family but to feel this kind of lonely, means sadness, frustration, and heartbreak all at once. You see couples walking around holding hands, laughing, and just being together, and all you have is a longing for that kind of relationship with someone. It's all you think about. When you're awake, when you're asleep, in your dreams. The loneliness is always there. And then once you see someone you think is attractive, you automatically go into crazy girl mode, thinking about the possibilities of a relationship with someone you just laid eyes on, without him even knowing who you are. Loneliness is feeling numb, like no one could ever love you because why would they want to. You feel worthless, like there's no one else in the world, except you. I don't understand why people, especially me, feel this way. I've never felt like it before and I sure would like to know why it's kicking in all of a sudden. But someone once told me that solitude follows loneliness. And solitude is a good thing. But it is about reaching that point that is the challenge. You go through all these bad feelings in your life, and once you get hurt so many times and finally feel the real loneliness, all the other feeling were just nothing compared to this, because now you have no one. Or that's how you feel anyway. I'm not really sure how to move past this. I've just been slammed so many times by assholes that, as much as I do have confidence in myself, I really don't know where. I guess you could say you had all the confidence in the world, but if you don't exude it, then what is the point. Words are just that, words. But it's the actual actions of yourself that show who you really are and how you really feel about yourself. So how do you get past the loneliness? I really don't know but I'd like to try and figure it out. 

The hardest thing, I think, is finding true happiness and learning to love yourself. Someone once told me that it takes a very long time to learn how to love yourself, and I definitely agree with that. But I believe that the first step to loving yourself, is finding yourself; finding out who you are, the real person inside. I'm not even sure I can say that I know who that is. There are things we know that we like, enjoy, that scare us, make us happy or sad, stronger or weaker. And all of these things mold us into the person we are today. Whether we know who that is or not. Honestly, I don't think it really matters how long it takes you to know who you are, as long as you are happy on the journey and don't let things bring you down. If you have dreams and goals, try your best to do whatever you can to make those dreams come true, to make those goals happen. Make sacrifices. Don't make your life about someone else. Every day I think to myself what it would be like to be in a relationship at this point in my life. Sure it'd be fun, you'd have someone there for you, to take you out, and have loads of sex with. Who wouldn't want that? When you have goals that you are trying to achieve, I don't think anyone should be getting in the way of that. When you are young, you have the freedom to live it up, experience life, and get to where you want to be when you're finally old enough to start to settle down. I don't understand the people who can be in a relationship while working towards something, being in school, or just working at a job in general, while so young. Why waste your glory years when the perfect person is going to be with you forever when you find them? Maybe that's just me saying this because I've always been single. Alone but never lonely. And I truly think that's the way it should be. Think about yourself before anyone else. And in the wise words of that popular lady on YouTube, "ain't nobody got time fo dat."

Hold On To What You Believe - Mumford And Sons

Zac Brown Band - Colder Weather

Follow Your Arrow - Kacey Musgraves

She Won't Be Lonely Long - Clay Walker

Well, I'm officially scared to like someone ever again. It's like boys will literally say anything to get what they want from you.. Whether it's how pretty you are, or how much chemistry they think y'all have, or even what an amazing kisser you are or how much you have in common.. They actually make you believe that these things are true, even if they really aren't. They'll take the simplest thing they think you have in common and turn it into an amazing chemistry thing, then make you believe it. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but that happens a lot. I have a lot of trust issues, self-confidence issues, and have a really hard time believing what people, especially guys, have to say. And then when I have guys who come into my life, guns a blazing, and make me feel like they're so right for me.. And then just fuck off. It makes it even harder to fix those problems, which I'm quite sure most girls have. For those girls who have found the perfect one, I envy you. Only though, for being able to trust and truly believe that he is right for you and won't ever lie or cheat on you. I don't think I could ever have that. I just truly don't believe that all men have the capability to be with someone forever. They just make up so many things, it's hard to tell the difference anymore. You are also probably are wondering how you can tell I they're faking or not.. Well, truth is, ya can't. Last guy who told me all the right things, I thought was so truthful and honest because he was saying everything I was feeling, but then I found it was complete and utter bullshit. So how do you get over it when I guy totally drops you after saying all the right things and making you feel special? I'm sure you're expecting me to say something like, keep yourself occupied, get a hobby, don't think about it. But I know how fucking hard it is to do those things. I suggest getting a big bowl of ice cream, listening to a sad song, and crying. Crying actually helps a lot. But only cry for a short period of time.. Just enough to let out your sadness but not enough to think he was worth anything to you. Because you deserve better then that. When you're done, you go out with friends.. Go to work or to school and most importantly, BE HAPPY. I know how easy it is to be sad, I've been that way my entire life until just recently. I slept all the time, drank my problems away, and fucked everyone to make myself feel better. But it doesn't work. There's no point to it. Go out and get your hair done, work out for a while, do something that makes you feel good about yourself. I've never had confidence in my entire life, but once you discover it in yourself, it's a beautiful thing. There was always this saying, "you must love yourself before someone else can love you." I used to think no one would ever love me. I'm not even sure I believe in love but I am learning to like myself. And why? Because I've had so many guys treat me the exact same way and I'm ready to be treated the way I deserve it, because I am not ugly. I don't have a dull personality or am a huge bitch. I don't cheat and I definitely do not lie. And no one, not even me, or any girl who is in this place, deserves to be disrespected and used and abused. Find the confidence in yourself because you ARE beautiful. Find the happiness in yourself because it makes life so much easier. Find the strength inside you because you do deserve better, you are strong, and no one can tell you different.