nhl offseason in a nutshell so far
bottom ten team: we have just paid a player that no one has ever heard of TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS
jason robertson: no i dont want to be paid 15 million dollars by YOU. who want me tho? no fr who want me?
ducks: we HATE our group
canes: we LOVE our group
half the league: captains? anyone want to be the new captain? no?
kings: i am going to pay a random 40-year-old 8 million dollars a year. yes this is getting us a cup
kraken: well fuck me i guess. worth a shot
connor bedard: i am going to KILL MYSELF
mike grier: well they dont call me big money mike for no reason. you get 8 mil and you get 8 mil and everyone gets 8 mil except for the guys who were alr on the team!
panthers + also gleb for some reason: i am going to KILL EVERYONE ELSE
habs: oui oui puppies! and kittens! and rainbows! and every one of them gets a choco chunk cookie (reasonable contract and term).
danny briere to his ex situationship: "hey... time to run it back... no fr tho... u still want me?" *crickets* "ok watch me money spread. you want me now?"
everyones goalies for some reason: "bye"
elliotte FUCKING friedman: your favorite fourth liner just got sent to HELL for future considerations
dylan larkin: hey so about that trade
