Gustavoh

Dreading a scenario in which He showed up early and was forced to make awkward small talk with mankind, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, circled the earth a few times so He wouldn’t be the first to arrive for Judgment Day, heavenly sources confirmed Tuesday. “It’s still looking pretty quiet down there, so I’m just gonna take a couple laps around the planet until the End Times get into full swing,” the Son of God said as He anxiously hovered high above South America, adding that almost everyone He was looking forward to seeing wouldn’t show up until the resurrection of the dead anyway.

In what political analysts have called a “major escalation” in the commander-in-chief’s antagonism toward the cultural icon, President Donald Trump made a number of public comments this week dramatically ratcheting up his rhetoric against Snoopy.

At an event honoring Gold Star families Friday, Trump reportedly deviated from his prepared remarks to criticize the cartoon beagle from Charles M. Schulz’s long-running Peanuts comic strip, calling him a “disgusting floppy-eared loser” and “Stupid Snoopy.” The digression followed several similar incidents during meetings with foreign heads of state, as well as a spate of late-night Truth Social posts in which he called Snoopy “an enemy of the people” and shared an AI-generated video that depicted Trump having Snoopy euthanized at a veterinary office.

Was I weird?

Are you sure?

What was the weirdest thing I did? Be as detailed as possible.

How could I be less weird in the future? Be as detailed as possible.

Do you have any complaints or feedback regarding my behavior? Be as detailed as possible.

Would you be open to hanging out again in the future?

Should I give you some space after this? If yes, for how long should I avoid you?

Was I weird?

Are you absolutely sure?

[Following a recent trend of scientific studies on artwork, we study here the thermodynamics of a thermometer made of zisha ceramic, related to the Chinese tea culture. The thermometer represents a boy who “urinates” shortly after hot water is poured onto his head. Long jetting distance is said to indicate that the water temperature is hot enough to brew tea. Here, a thermodynamic model describes the jetting phenomenon of that pee-pee boy. The study demonstrates how thermal expansion of an interior air pocket causes jetting. A thermodynamic potential is shown to define maximum jetting velocity. Seven optimization criteria to maximize jetting distance are provided, including two dimensionless numbers. Predicted jetting distances, jet durations, and temperatures agree very well with infrared and optical measurements. Specifically, the study confirms that jetting distances are sensitive enough to measure water temperature in the context of tea brewing. Optimization results show that longer jets are produced by large individuals, with low body mass index, with a boyhood of medium size inclined at an angle π/4. The study ends by considering the possibility that ceramic jetting artifacts like the pee-pee boy might have been the first thermometers known to mankind, before Galileo Galilei’s thermoscope.]

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