grufflescump

if you live in a cabin in the woods, the trees have to live nearby a maniac living within a construct of the flesh of their brethren. and there’s really nothing they can do about it. what are they gonna do, move?

i hope that somehow, in whatever afterlife might exist, that john kellogg just has to live with the fact that the only thing that i can think about while masturbating is the rooster from the kelloggs corn flakes box

underwear is the only article of clothing whose name references where it is in relation to other clothing

living in the sewer is not nearly as glamorous as teenage mutant ninja turtles would have you believe

i ain’t taking no vaccine full of chemicals. drugs are just chemicals too. i’m going to prevent covid naturally, by burying a cow skull in front of the door of my house, and isolating myself until a flower sprouts from the skull-plot. once that black flower blooms under the light of the full moon, bam, full immunity, with zero cents going to big pharma

the hot new trend for fall 2021 is golfcore! collared shirts! plaid pants! tasseled bonnets! ignoring your spouse! long walks with the boys! short pencils! trophies!

i love the fall but i’ll miss those summer days on the beach, reading a book, admiring the pretty sunbathers, eating handful after handful of soft, salty sand, skipping stones

to be honest i’m still miffed that warner bros rejected my pitch for “crucifudd,” a comedic reinterpretation of the gospels where christ (bugs) evades pilate (elmer fudd) with his trademark cartoon antics. apparently this was “wildly offensive” and “the product of a disturbed mind.”

i locked myself out of my bank account because i couldn’t remember my pin number at the atm machine, so i’m gonna have to iou you. ffs sakes

do i listen to pink floyd?? no, i’m colorblind?? love the white stripes and the black keys tho

art garfunkel’s full name is wherefore art thou garfunkel

atilla the hunn is short for atilla the hunnybunny

if you step on a crack you only break your mother’s back, if you smoke crack you break her heart, and the conditions of your parole

it’s obvious that kiki’s delivery service is set before the 60’s because the first talking cat wasn’t bred until 1961

i have as much authority as the president, i just have fewer people who believe it. nobody except levar burton, he’s always believed in me

i know the real reason why the angry beavers are angry but this truth is being suppressed by nickelodeon’s lawyers