Humans are Space Orcs “Olympics.”
Didn’t sleep well last night, so decided to write something relatively short for all of you this morning. Hope you like it :)
“Welcome one and welcome all to the 528th quadrennial summer Olympics! This has to be the most exciting day we have seen in the history of competitive sports.”
“That’s exactly right because this is only the second time in human history that the Olympics will be held off earth, and the first time that they are being held interstellar.”
“Four years ago some summer Olympics were held on Mars, but with the restriction to gravity, and some issues regarding respiration. However, after an agreement with the galactic assembly. The Rundi delegation has graciously offered to host the 4020 summer Olympics.”
“And host they have. This stadium was built in under four years with consultations from human architects and with the original classic style of greek and roman architecture in mind. The rundi really do know how to make a beautiful building when they want.”
“This is honestly what the universe really needed after these last hard few years, with the burg war, and the Gromm outbreak, and the Tesraki earthquake, a lot of people were just ready and waiting for some good news. Not to mention that after all of the issues with the LFIL and poor PR for humans across the galaxy, we all really needed a break.”
“And what better PR than to share one of the greatest cultural achievements of human history. Historically the Olympics have been a time where countries set aside their differences and come together to show off their best athletes in competitions of human skill, fortitude, and perseverance. Now, for those non-human watchers, the Olympics was originally established in Ancient Greece. The word Olympics derives from the word Olympus which was the historical home of the Greek gods. Anyone who competes in the games is called an Olympian giving the implication that their feats of strength and power are almost godlike.”
“Not to mention they originally required the participants to compete in the nude.”
“Ha! Yes let us not forget that. Luckily, or unluckily for us, things have been a bit more modernized since then, and men and women from around the universe will begin their competitions today. Today Will be the first Olympics in history with representatives from interstellar colonies all across the Milky Way galaxy.”
“Beginning in the next four years, Olympic officials hope to open the games up to non-human species for competition.”
“Yes, officials say that it would be an opportunity for humanity to reach out a hand of peace and offer this great tradition of peace to the rest of the galaxy in hopes of fostering cooperation and understanding between all who live in the universe.”
“That will be a great day indeed, and look here comes the olympic torch carried by none other that commander Adam Vir of the UNSC, Earth’s golden boy.”
“The Olympic torch had an intense journey this year lit in Olympic greece and carried all across Earth to where it was secured to be transported on the UNSC harbinger. Now it took some work as UNSC regulations do not allow open flames aboard a interstellar transport, but with some work from some fine engineers and a bit of finagling, the torch was secured lit but burning low in a specialized sealed, and climate controlled compartment during the duration of the flight. Oh, and here he goes, handing of the torch. This will be the first time in human history that a non-human has carried the torch and lit the cauldron. They debated long and hard about who would light it this year, and as a symbol of good will towards the rest of the galaxy, and to usher in a new age of the Olympic Games, the torch has been passed to the chairwoman of the galactic assembly.”
“You know it really warms my heart to see humans sharing such a rich part of their culture and history with the rest of the galaxy. It really is a symbol of everything we stand for at our core.”
“And there she goes. IT’S LIT IT’S LIT!”
“A truly amazing day for humanity and the world and the galaxy and the universe.”
The galaxy had never seen anything like it. Humans from all around the galaxy had come together and were determined to astound the watching crowds with feats of acrobatics, and athletics so intense it would be unbelievable to anyone who watched human and nonhuman alike.
IN those days ahead the galaxy watched with it’s jaw wide as one man broke the world now universe record for fastest human sprint at 29 miles per hour. Facts and figures put up on screens above the heads of the crowd gave facts about the human body to put into perspective just how powerful these athletes were as olympic sprinters put their muscles under pressure equivalent to 1,000 pounds of force in a single sprinting step.
They watched in awe and confusion as a tiny Olympic gymnast no older than sixteen cleared more that twice her body height in a double air rotation defying the laws of physics and gravity as she hung suspended in the air for what seemed like an impossible amount of time.
Eyes were wide and jaws had to be picked up off the floor as a young human from earth cleared the pole vaulting record, launching himself into the sky at 20 feet 3.⅕ inches.
Feats of balance and strength never before seen in the galaxy were demonstrated as those same young adults demonstrated flips, cartwheels and feats of acrobatics on beams barely wider than the width of their feet. Gasps rose from the assembled alien crowd as a dismount brought one young woman off the beam at at least three full rotations before landing.
There was no way that she could have known where she was going to hit.
But the announcers had been right, these humans had an almost godlike control of their bodies and some strange ability to know where they were in space at the optimal moment rotating on a single bar or between two flipping themselves around and around in ways that would have made others feel dizzy only to land smiling a moment later their hands raised into the air in triumph.
And then came the marathon, the event that aliens had heard about but never thought possible, preformed for the first time on a fiery death planet by a one legged, one eyed space captain in his boxer shorts in a little over four hours. The feat itself seemed unbelievable as a story, but when a young woman from a distant space colony preformed the marathon in a record breaking 2:22:53. Less than two and a half hours required her to be running at speeds of almost ten miles per hour for two full hours.
The stadium could not believe their ears when they had heard what she had done. Alien race officials watch her run trough cameras to make sure that the feat was really true.. But it was true, it was all true. They could not believe their eyes.
Even in the water humans could not be matched pushing bodies that were not meant for swimming to speeds that could compete with one or two species running.
They put their bodies under strain so powerful it should have torn muscle and snapped bone, but when they came up smiling and grinning and waving to the crowd it was all the stadium could do to contain their excitement.
And when that wasn’t enough humans started adding obstacles to their events.
What was better than a hundred-meter sprint, a hundred-meter sprint with obstacles you had to jump over. At an average of 12.5 seconds participants were reaching speeds of almost seventeen miles per hour, as fast as car speeds within city limits. If any of the humans had crashed they would surely hurt themselves horribly in the process.
And the crowd absolutely loved it.
Nothing was better than watching the humans lift heavy objects, throw pointy sticks, or even leap to great vertical heights sometimes throwing their legs higher than their own heads, which seemed impossible for aliens who had spent most of their time with average humans if they had spent time with humans at all.
Regular humans couldn’t do that.
So what insane kind of humans were these.
How did a human known to release the weighted metal disk when they were spinning around so fast, and what made them decide to throw the weight of their entire body into a kinetic linkage of angular momentum that would send the metal disk nearly two hundred feet in the opposing direction.
It was the most viewed Olympics in the history of the event. Aliens watched to see the humans preform, and the humans watched to see the alien’s reaction to the other humans preforming.
The rundi home world grossed trillions of dollars which expanded the universe’s economy to soaring heights.
Tesraki capitalized on the idea holding even more events for humans to compete in even after the Olympics were over. From then on alien planets would beg humans to come hold their games and competitions on their planet, didn’t matter what it was, soccer, football, baseball, you could be sure the rest of the galaxy was interested in seeing it.
The entire universe was giddy with the feats of strength and ability which had been demonstrated in those intervening days.
Humans, who only fell prey to praise once every four years suddenly found themselves famous on distant moons completely by accident with alien companies begging them to endorse products they had never even heard of.
It was such a violent economic upturn, no one knew how to handle it.
There were those, of course, who realized something very different about humanity on those days. They had met your average human, the lazy kind that likes to sit in comfy nests, watch TV and imbibe on excessive amounts of glucose. They had even met the average human who threw in some daily workout routine so at least they could control their love handles.
Your average human scared them with what they could do without even thinking.
IT meant that it was very important to allow humans to nerf themselves because if anyone ever convinced humanity as a hole what they could be if ninety percent of the population were at peak human performance….
It was simply better to keep the humans well-fed and sleepy.
Maybe then the universe would stand a chance
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