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Does anyone else get pissed off when you wake up just as you were making significant progress in some bullshit task you had to do in a dream? Like great now I did all that shit for nothing

if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil

i dont care how much you like the various cosmetics you buy it is NOT worth poaching gnomes. At the gnome preserve i work at we find the poor things basically fully intact with only the hat and shoes taken. And for what? To be ground up for lip gloss and moustache wax? its not ok.

ive been informed that the breaking wheel, gibbet, etc are actually 'solar punk', and possibly even Leftist

gay people have access to a secret second internet where everybody’s always posting bad-luck-brian memes but they’re weird and sort of scary

pillows have stopped having a cold side some time ago

Nobody calls each other “terminally online” anymore. I think that’s because everyone is terminally online now. Jobless too. And ugly as fuck. Stains all over our shirts. Stupid as well