The Grooviest Guru

Happy Pride Month!

Faust is back for the 5th time! If you want to use the flag of your choice as an avatar, they're under the cut. They're free to use as long as it's for personal use only.

Sometimes I imagine Andrew mumbling “you were supposed to be a side effect of the medication” and Neil laughing like this 🥹

this has been said many times before by many (very hot and smart) people but it bears saying in perhaps a different way:

if andrew had somehow, by some absolute miracle, managed to actually ask neil out--if neil had said "you like me" and andrew managed to say "yes actually i like you as a person and want to be around you"--

neil would not have fucking kissed him.

thats what it means when neil says andrew hating him is fine. its not just fine, thats--in neils own words!--an understatement. its a necessary condition for neil to move forward with a physical relationship. because neil knows hes going to die. hes not going to do that to somebody; if dan or matt or someone quote unquote normal had asked him out, he would have shut it down immediately even if the feeling was reciprocated. hes going to hurt the foxes enough by being their friend and dying; hes not going to lead someone on into thinking they could have a long term relationship. he can only pursue this thing with andrew because he believes that andrew does not care about him as a person.

theres two main cases for why neil believes this:

he completely misread the situation with andrew

he is deliberately lying to himself about it to give himself an excuse to do the thing he wants to do anyway (kiss andrew stupid)

we can argue ourselves blue in the face about which one is most plausible; i generally take the boring centrist route of "bit of both, probably." andrew is, after all, a bit of a hard person to read, and neil is, after all, a lying liar who lies.