you know what is real

My most implausibly self indulgent hollanov au is still picturing them as the protagonists of a romcom opposites attract secret high school romance,,, Ilya is the leather jacket wearing, cigarette smoking, motorbike riding bad boy and Shane is the clean cut golden boy, Captain of the hockey team and dating the class president Prom Queen,,, imagine Shane with his nice sensible haircut and his varsity jacket making out with Ilya and his multiple against school regulation piercings behind the bleachers,,,

imagine them trading jackets. shane blushing as ilya drapes the leather jacket over his shoulders one night early on in their relationship. shane in the parking lot after school shyly handing ilya his letterman jacket, only to have ilya smugly and proudly wearing it everywhere he goes

Anyway scrimmages are enrichment for post-rivalry married on the Cens hollanov. Don’t talk to Shane right now Luca, he’s thinking about slamming Ilya into the boards and saying “Too slow, eh Rozanov?” Before expertly stealing the puck and scoring with reckless aggression on their poor backup goalie. He’s going to suck on Ilya’s bruise later. Wiebe is wondering if this is at all productive but like. Hollander and Rozanov did take a slight pay-cut.

Ilya in a huddle with Bood and Troy and the d-men like “don’t fuck this up for me we have to take him down” and Troy is smirking like “don’t you mean them?” And Ilya is like “NO. Hollander. We take him down like a hoard of ants. Why are you laughing Barrett? This is not funny. This is not haha. He sees through you and knows all your fears. He is relentless. When he can’t play hockey he reads about it. What was the last book you read, Dykstra?”

i feel like there’s a great au potential in there where ilya is shane’s older wealthy neighbor’s pool boy who is having an affair with the woman and shane is like lmao ok messyyy except then ilya starts hitting on him and shane’s like well. i am also possibly messy. and then they keep seeing each other and shane is like alright how does this work. do i give you money? and ilya gets really really upset and shane is like wait are you not fucking mrs. vanderhoef for money?? and ilya is like of COURSE i am fucking cynthia for money! i am not fucking YOU for money!!!

have yall heard about the 17lb cannibal cat named Baby Jesus

hollanov high and shane getting a little fast and loose with his dirty talk and fucked up over how well ilya is devouring his dick right now with the messiest blowjob. ilya jokingly taunting him time and time against about how useless his big dick is and shane’s got a hand wrapped around the base while ilya sucks at the tip and stares right at shane, eyes bloodshot and heavy and shane casually just “yeah you fucking love this big useless dick, don’t you?” and ilya feels his soul leave his body and ascend to heaven

Ilya teaching over eager Shane during the hookup era how to deep throat cock, his thumb hooked inside Shane’s cheek, hand on the back of his neck low voice coaching him through it because Shane had managed to mumble out a “want to do that” when Ilya had taken him to the back of his throat, nose pressed to Shane’s groin as he had swallowed swallowed swallowed him down. Ilya groaning and whispering “good boy” and “nice and messy, make it easier” and “that’s it, breath through your nose and keep going slow take all of it, relax your jaw and let me fill your throat, feel where it belongs”Shane going to fucking molasses over it, his mouth and throat so full and all the instruction and praise making his heart all horny and achy too.

shane going "please come for me. please i've been so good" instead of the more popular "please let me come". something to consider.