you know what is real

felines:

kot/kotik means cat/ little cat (but not kitten). Ilya would blush and kiss the hell out of his husband but he knows Shane can do better 7/10

kotyonok/kotyonochek (kitten/ little kitten). again, kisses and all, Ilya loves that Shane's trying 8/10

kotyara (big fat cat) is 1000/10 Ilya asks am I big? am I nasty???? ahhh I love you Shane you're so stupid

Shane never uses feminine forms like 'koshka' or 'kisa' (he thinks it's not appropriate) but he secretly knows them, hears Ilya call Sveta them.

canines:

pyosik (little/cute dog) makes Ilya feel weird but in a good way. he shows his tongue and starts breathing through his mouth 100/10 'horoshyy pyosik???' – 'am I a good dog?'

shchenok (puppy) Shane uses while they're kissing and Ilya pushes him away, stares at him in confusion for a moment and then (when he gets Shane has no clue) starts laughing so hard! Shane is beyond confused 'but you liked pyosik!!' and Ilya is like 'Shane my dear beautiful Shane. you just called me like... a son of a bitch..? no it's okay don't panic I'm still hard we can pretend it's your dirty talk no don't cry!!! fuck!!!' 1000/10 for trying and not being perfect at something FOR ONCE!!!

shchenochek (little puppy) appears when Ilya says it's more appropriate/you can call people that without making them your worst enemies. is cute but Ilya still laughs because he remembers 9/10

other animalistic things:

medvezhonok (bear cub/ teddy bear) hits so hard Ilya almost whines. 20/10 Irina used to call him that, Ilya kisses his husband senseless and starts talking about his childhood.

rybka/rybon'ka (little fish) is also something from ilya's childhood but it was used only for his girl friends (like Irina called Sveta 'moya rybka' whenever she started crying) and Ilya always wanted to be called that!! he was so jealous of Sveta!!! so when Shane uses it it's 9999999/10

ptenchik/tsyplyonok (both mean chick but the first one is more affectionate, means any little bird, while the last can sound offensive, little hen) – Ilya heard his mother call him ptenckik once in a while, and Sveta called him tsyplyonok because he had really yellow hair. what Shane uses either, Ilya shakes his head (like, vigorously) to show off his stupidly curly hair 11/10

"Hey," Neil says, "good game tonight."

"We're having a baby, Neil," Andrew answers, and Neil can almost hear someone shouting on the background. "I'm gonna be a father."

"What? Are you-?" no, Andrew isn't, as far as Neil concerned. Neither of them can get pregnant, if you ask Neil.

"Thea is pregnant again, they're keeping it."

"Oh, Andrew!" Neil can't even pretend he's not smiling with all his teeth. "We are having a baby! Oh my god! We're gonna be fathers!"

"No, you're not!" ah, it's Kevin who's been shouting on the background, "It's not your baby! I'm the father!"

Kevin sounds scandalous.

"Is it a girl? Tell me it's a girl," Neil pleads, but when Kevin starts to protest, he says, "No! Don't tell me, I wanna find out at a baby shower."

"It's too early, Neil, we don't know. And you're not his father."

Andrew’s playing like he’s never played before. It’s like a night and day but Neil can’t bring himself to be excited to see Andrew actually care about the game.

Cause it’s not out of genuine love but agony and pain. Andrew’s finally given them his game and the only one who deserved to have it isn’t even here to see it.

Every game Andrew plays.

Every time he swings his racquet.

Every blocked shot.

It’d taken Ilya a while to forgive JJ. To even consider giving him another chance. He didn’t mind so much that JJ was a jerk to him, but the way he’d acted towards Shane? Yeah, that had been a lot to swallow. However, Shane had asked him emphatically to try his best, so Ilya was here, trying his…well, trying a little.

The thing was, it wasn’t that bad, having lunch with Hayden, JJ, and their significant others. Not because JJ was particularly exciting, but because sometimes, Shane spoke French. And yeah, Ilya had heard it referred to as the language of love before, but fuck, hearing it come from Shane Hollander’s mouth? Delicious.

That, plus the fact that Jackie Pike was there and Ilya loved her, was enough to make it so he thought he could endure quite a long lunch with these Montrea fuckers. Until Shane, mid-conversation with JJ and his girlfriend, turned to Ilya.

“Ilya, mon ange, est-ce que tu–Shit, I mean,” he chuckled, blushing a bit and laughing at himself. “Ilya, do you…”

But Ilya was too busy losing his damn mind. Because he was pretty sure Shane had just called him a pet name. In French.

“Bathroom,” he stuttered, standing and nearly running for the restroom, trying to make his very empty mind work, all of his blood due south at the moment.

Shane followed shortly after him. “Ilya, what’s–”

“We have to go home,” he said hoarsely, leaning on the sink and trying to remember how to breathe. It was difficult.

“What–why?”

“You say nice things in French. I–”

Shane broke into a grin. “Wait. You–my French turns you on?”

“Solnyshko, please,” Ilya whined, about to lose his mind. “Was so hot, I am dying.”

Ilya and the four Pikelings come inside asking for ice pops. Hayden grabs them from the freezer, takes flavor requests, opens the wrappers, and doles them out to the kids, like he's done it a hundred times. Doesn't even disrupt his conversation with Shane. The kids run back out with their ice pops.

Right when Hayden is about to put the box of ice pops back in the freezer, Ilya politely asks if he can have one. Hayden makes to give him one without a second thought, again no interruption at all still to the back and forth he's having with Shane about some riveting topic.

But then he notices Shane's cheeks have gotten heated, and even though Ilya asked nicely, "Can I please have an ice pop?" He does a double take and notices Ilya giving Shane the most filthy look. Hayden retracts his hand that was in the middle of absent mindedly passing over the ice pop. Places it back in the box, puts it back in the freezer, and more firmly than necessary, shuts the freezer door.