i have to save them ARCHIVED

she wears STRENGTH and darkness equally well–    the girl has always been HALF GODDESS  //  HALF  H E L L

           (    &  maybe  i  can  show  you  the  light  )

clarke moved, and once she had beckoned over for more drinks, she got it  all set up-- cocky look on her face as she prepared, getting ready to line up  the shot. “now-- no cheating! no distracting me!” clarke warned, but the smile  plastered to her lips gave her away. she chuckled, looking at bellamy for a  moment longer before she finally turned to take the shot-- bouncing the chip  against the table and-- SUCCESS, landing it in one of the cups. 

The odd angle he was laying at on the sofa was starting to strain his neck, so Garrett shifted a few times and eventually sat himself up a little straighter, leaning more of his back against the pillows, and not just his neck.  He wrinkled his nose.  “I don’t like Stephen that much,” said Garrett.  “I only snuggle girls, and he’s not a girl. Off-limits by default.”

“you sure about that one? no best friend sleepovers where you snuggle and  plait each others hair?” clarke teased, that smug grin ever present on her  face before she gave in, chuckling-- hand coming up to ruffle at the mentioned  hair. “correction though-- you only snuggle ME.” a wink and she was moving  again, this time with the aim to actually go and make the tea she’s spoken of. 

         But then her words hit him. He stillremembered when his mom had been pregnant with Octavia. How she’d thought shewas sick at first. Until the moment he’d walked in on her, crying. Because his sister had never been planned. He had never been planned. But theirmother often forgot her head during moments of LOVE. When she was with a guy, that was everything. She was all heart during those days. Even when shethought with her head, calculating every step in all other aspects of life. Heswallowed thickly, tried to catch Clarke’s eye. And, when she looked up at him,heknew.  ❛ What are — what are you telling me? ❜ His voice was hoarse as heasked the question, as though he’d been screaming for hours. He knew the answer— but he neededto ask anyway. Needed to hear it.

“fuck, fuck fuck-- this... this CAN’T BE HAPPENING-- i’m not-- we--” she  stumbled through her words, even the notion of saying it, saying the WORD  out loud, caused clarke’s stomach to churn all over again. she knew what she  had to do-- needed to take a test. but she was terrified of the out come  because it meant she would HAVE to really think about this. about what she  wanted-- about what they wanted. were they really in the right place to do  this? she LOVED BELLAMY. adored him. but were they really ready to add  another person into this? 

clarke clenched her eyes shut, as if it would help regulate her frantic breathing  and perhaps stop her thoughts from running away with her. 

It was a nice thing to say that money wouldn’t matter — and not one Garrett thought he believed all the way.  When you had money you were used to a certain standard of living, to having everything you needed available with relative ease, to having the best of everything.  Clarke wasn’t superficial, but Garrett knew he’d have trouble now going back to the sort of life Godric had had, without even the luxury of the same bed to sleep in for the first decade-and-some-change of his adult life before Hogwarts had opened.   I’m not fool enough to think it doesn’t matter, he thought privately, but I’ve got a roof over my head, and that’s better than nothing.

He squeezed Clarke to him without further comment, offering a brief hum in response.  Love wasn’t enough to pay the bills no matter how strong it was — his parents loved each other and were happy, but they still had to go to work every day, and they still needed to budget carefully at the beginning of each month.  Good thing neither of us is without ambitions.

Maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself.  He and Clarke were still in school, there was a war brewing — he reckoned they’d do better to focus on staying alive, and then see what happened.

At her question, he tried to smile, but it wouldn’t come.  “Yeah,” said Garrett hollowly.  That he was Godric Gryffindor come back to life, for starters, and a slew of other things he did not feel ready to share yet.  Would she still want to stay with him, he wondered, would she think him completely mad, or nor worth the trouble?

clarke wasn’t a fool. she knew the dodge when she saw it. she’d become  rather good at it herself-- particularly skilled at avoiding her mother and her  questions. pestering clarke to TALK about what had happened with her  father-- with wells, with lexa. she’d learned quickly how to avoid them, how  to plaster on a happy face and act as if none of it mattered. she’d been  keeping people at arms length so long now it felt NORMAL. 

---so when the silence drew out a moment too long before garrett responded,  clarke knew something was off. if not for the silence, then his VOICE. lacking  quite the wonder from before. 

she sighed and instead of looking at him, she turned her head back to the sky.  watching the clouds drift by, the day along with it. it wasn’t her place really, to  ask-- to dig deeper. she WANTED to know garrett, know him inside and out.  share her secrets with him in exchange for his own. clarke wasn’t one to trust  a person quickly, but she wasn’t one to START with distrust either. and  garrett had never done anything to make her fear giving him her trust. she  only hoped one day-- it’d be the same for him. but she’d never push. she’d  suffered enough of that herself and would never inflict it on him.