X-Men AU:
In the Wildcards HQ, Jaune, Spider-Man, Deadpool, Squirrel Girl, and Psylocke are playing “Would You Rather, Truth or Dare” while crime is surprisingly at zero for once.
Wade: “Alright Jaune, your turn, truth or dare?”
Jaune: “Dare.”
Wade: “Are you sure?”
Jaune: “Yes.”
Wade: “Are you really, really sure? Because these dares are… life-altering levels of bad.”
Jaune: “Yes, Wade, I’m sure. How bad can they be?”
Peter: “That’s usually the last sentence before everything goes wrong.”
Wade: “Alright… don’t say I didn’t warn you. Would you rather… kick Logan in the balls…”
Peter: “OH NO—”
Doreen: “That’s not a dare, that’s a medical emergency.”
Wade: “…or ragebait the Hulk.”
Silence.
A very long, deeply uncomfortable silence.
Sai: “He chose wrong either way.”
Jaune: “…I think I just unlocked fear I didn’t know I had.”
Wade: “Pick wisely, golden boy.”
Jaune: “I— I regret everything already and I haven’t even chosen.”
Peter: “For the record, I’d like everyone to know I had no part in this.”
Wade: “That’s exactly what someone involved in this says.”
Later…
We see Jaune sprinting out of the X-Mansion like his life depends on it.
Behind him, Wolverine storms out full rage mode, claws out, teeth bared.
Logan: “GET BACK HERE, KID!”
Jaune: “I’M SORRY!”
Wade (watching from the bushes with everyone else): “Ohhh he chose poorly.”
Peter: “ALL THOSE CHOOSES ARE POORLY!”
Doreen: “On the bright side, no crime today!”
Sai: “This counts as a crime.”
*After making sure the others aren't watching, Jaune and Logan stop running*
Logan: Alright, kid, pay up.
Jaune: Here you go *Hands him a hundred* Pleasure doin' buisness with ya, Logan!
Logan: Heh, same here, kid. Can't believe they actually thought you were that stupid to try hitting me in the balls.
Jaune: Well, it was either this or Ragebait Hulk, and I can't exactly pay off Hulk.
Logan: True.
*In another timeline, in the desert…*
Hulk: *Roars*
Jaune: WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS!? WHAT COMPELLED ME TO CHOOSE THIS!?
*Jaune continues sprinting across the desert at full speed, covered in sweat and regret.*
*Behind him, the Hulk charges after him like a green natural disaster.*
Jaune: I COULD’VE JUST KICKED LOGAN!
Hulk: *Angrier roar*
Jaune: OKAY MAYBE NOT!
