Kimblee never went to prison au but he also works with Mustang lmao
Roy Mustang is a decorated war hero. He doesn't know what he's done wrong to be shot in the foot like this. (Riza: the genocide.)
''Youngest State Alchemist in history, youngest Colonel in history, HERO of Ishval, and how does your country repay you, Mustang? It buries you in East City, gives you menial responsibilities, and shoves all of the problem soldiers in your unit. I personally think you haven't only been shot in the foot, but rather in additional places, as well.''
''Shouldn't you be in prison?''
Turns out they can't put you in prison for merely THREATENING to blow your superior officers up.
Turns out, also, and most importantly for Mustang, that Kimblee's worse at filling paperwork out than he is. A miraculous feat the likes of which Riza Hawkeye believed was impossible. It's not that he slacks off on it. This is genuinely something he has never done before. And while he could learn easily, he's a genius, he decides to become an expert on weaponized incompetence in the workplace.
''Didn't you fill out a single report in Ishval??'' ''I paid other people to do it for me with cigarettes.'' ''Didn't you have that stupid course in the Academy about these forms and regulations and stuff?'' ''Ah, no, I went to university and got my SA certification afterwards. So, no, I've never gone to the Military Academy.'' Mustang definitely agrees he's been shot more than ten times by now. He's barely got feet to stand on from all the bullet wounds.
They don't know what to do with Kimblee. Everyone has a particular role in their unit and Kimblee's standing out as the odd man out, mainly because he is. Because he wasn't hand-picked by Mustang himself.
So, any chance they get to send him on the field, they do so. Since he gets stir crazy sitting at a desk and filling out paperwork anyway. And when he gets stir crazy he gets reminiscent and when he gets reminiscent Mustang's halfway into tugging his gloves on.
They still invite him out for drinks because they're all a unit and they're all in this together. (god help them all)
''You want to be what?''
''I want to make the country a better place for newer generations.''
''I didn't ask for your manifesto, I wanted you to repeat what you said just a minute ago when the tequilla clearly hit you.''
''Fine, Kimblee, I want to be Fuhrer.''
''I've never met a man more naive in my life.''
''I'll write you up for insubordination one of these days, mark my words.''
''We are off the clock, I get to say whatever I want to you.''
Kimblee gets sent to Resembool to find this Edward Elric alchemist and recruit him. They just want him out of the office. He wants out of the office, too.
Roy Mustang gets a telephone call in his office, picks it up, it's from Kimblee, he sighs: What?
K: You won't believe what I found!
Roy: The alchemist?
K: Well, yes, obviously, but you have no idea what he's done!
Roy, just wants this conversation over with: Okay, listen, just get him to the testing etc, show him the ropes, I'm happy this all worked out.
K: Mustang, wait, you should know there was a typo-
Roy: Bye, bye! See you when you come back, Kimblee!
A year later: ''A TWELVE YEAR OLD?!" ''Yes, sir.'' ''A FUCKING TWELVE YEAR OLD, KIMBLEE?'' ''I tried telling you.'' ''OH MY GOD! THIS IS A CRITICAL HIT! THEY'RE SHOOTING ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD AT THIS POINT!'' ''You haven't heard the best part yet.'' ''...'' ''Kid did human transmutation.'' ''OH MY FUCKING GOD!''
