my name's charlie. i'm a 20 year old trans man. my pronouns are he/him and my special interests include Mortal Kombat, ROTTMNT, TMNT, Animaniacs, Raggedy Ann, Cuphead, Casino Cups, FNAF, MHA, Haikyuu, Danganronpa, Kirby, KRBAY, Sonic, Sonic Boom, Mario, DHMIS, RC9GN, Epic Mickey, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, Steven Universe, Call of Duty Modern Warfare, Scream, Friday the Thirteenth, TCM, ENA, ENA Dream BBQ, Deadpool, Date Everything, TADC, The Incredibles, Minecraft, Gorillaz, Dead Rising, Dead Island, Left 4 Dead, Bloodmoney/HEP, KPDH, DBD, Saiki K, Dispatch, Danganronpa THH, Stardew Valley, The Freak Circus, At Dead of Night, Demon Slayer, Until Dawn, analog horror, shiny rocks and gemstones, and random facts about sharks, frogs, axolotls, turtles, and cephalopods (this list will have more added to it in the future lmao)
homophobia, transphobia, racism, slurs, proshippers, Israel supporters, Russia supporters, MAGA, and incest are NOT welcome here get out
art tag: #grapeface doodles
writing tag: #grapeface written work
commissions info tag: #grapeface commissions (i haven't updated my commission info yet, but i'll have a link to the post if and when i make one with updated refs and prices)
random rambles tag: #rambles
cosplays tag: #grapeface cosplays
posts about my gorgeous abusive wife: #my beautiful darling chisaki
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i think this is the moment that made me love Zenitsu. he understands himself and his limitations very well but still strives for change when no one expected anything of him. of course fighting demons is scary and the poor kid has no self confidence but he never gave up!! it makes me sad people dislike him cause he has great character development
i can't draw anything right anymore everything i make looks like shit i hate it i miss when i enjoyed drawing it just feels like a chore now i hate this
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Really difficult to say "atleast I have Zenitsu" to comfort myself when feeling down because he'd probably have a panic attack with me 😭😭 my brother just another me. it's better than nothing I suppose
no but the way I don’t even look in the rise tag anymore because there’s a very loud portion of fans who think it’s okay to inject Christianity into a completely unrelated cartoon and push it on people…like some of us don’t wanna see that. Not to get personal but I’m still recovering from years of emotional abuse from an extremely religious parent. Is it too much to ask that I don’t be reminded of my mother telling me I’m going to hell for being gay when I just wanted to look at art of my comfort media? be so fucking forreal dude lmao.
i've never mourned a fictional character this much like i know i only just watched the movie yesterday but i loved kyojuro so much dude how am i supposed to keep watching this anime i've been crying in bed for the past 2 and a half hours just thinking about him
i'm so fucking mad my watch of the movie kept getting interrupted and the people watching it with me kept laughing at me
even though they were mostly laughing at my baby sister doing something silly and goofy on the other side of the room
but they were also laughing at how i was openly sobbing over kyojuro's death
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kai chisaki nsfw drabble that is 100% canon because that's my wife so i'm 100% correct /lhj
○ this is all assuming that you even built up this impossible level of trust to begin with
● but i honestly think chisaki isn't necessarily strictly asexual ?
○ acespec absolutely
● but for one, there's something there with kurono
○ maybe this is mostly me projecting (it is) but i honestly think the desire is there ??
● he just never thought about acting on it because
○ ew
● so you know those jokes about most guys only finishing in like 2 minutes ?
○ chisaki's no exception lmao
● this guy isn't some dominant mafia daddy that knows anything and everything about you and your body and sex and has infinite stamina and blah blah blah
○ this man is a bratty motherfucker with a superiority complex and a horrible attitude who probably has never had an orgasm before /lh /hj
● thoroughly showered beforehand
○ he put two condoms on because the thought of getting any fluids on his skin makes him feel like his skin's gonna break out in hives already
● all that build up
○ all that talk
● and then he pushes in
○ and the universe humbles him right then and there
● you can feel it in the way his rhythm falters almost immediately
○ the way his breath catches in his throat like it betrayed him
● the way his fingers dig into your hips with bruising force because he's clinging to the sliver of composure that he's convinced he still has, even though it already abandoned him
○ he's barely started. he had so much to say five minutes ago. now he's reduced to sharp, stuttered huffs
● this is the first time he's ever allowed himself to feel desire for another person. to even fathom the idea of wanting something so disgusting and vile
○ and it shows
● every nerve is on fire
○ every tiny movement you make
● every shift of your hips
○ every flutter of your walls
● every little thing sends him spiraling closer to the edge
○ the way he just ducks his head and clamps his eyes shut and breathes through gritted teeth while you feel him twitch inside you, both condoms doing absolutely nothing to dull the sensation of how worked up he is
● you don't even have to speak
○ he knows you're thinking it
● he knows you're never letting him live this down, even if you never say a word out loud about it
○ "... silence"
● the word is bitten off, sharp and humiliated, muttered under his breath with his head ducked and his chin digging into his collarbone because he refuses to look at you because opening his eyes to look at you is admitting defeat
○ he's still twitching, still buried deep, still aching to move even though he knows it's joever for him if he does
● two condoms. two. and he can still feel the heat of you through both layers, still gripping your hips with gloved hands
○ the sight of overhaul ducking his head in shame because your body is too good for his ego to handle is priceless
● the silence says everything
○ he's humiliated. he's blissed out. he's furious about both
● he's still inside you. still hard. still refusing to pull out because that would mean admitting it's over, and that would mean admitting defeat
○ so he just stays there, forehead against your shoulder, breathing ragged, pride in tatters
● he'll make you pay for this later. he'll edge you until you cry. but right now? right now he's convincing himself that this is your fault. that he was just more pent up than he thought. that you did this to him on purpose somehow. that this is his first time, so it's not his fault. this is normal. anything to deny the reality that he's falling apart like a virgin on prom night
○ (because he is a virgin lmfao pathetic stupid head)
● he's supposed to be in control, but you're so warm and so wet and so tight and he's furious. he's never felt anything this good in his life and he's pissed
○ now his forehead is pressed to your shoulder, his whole body trembling with the effort of holding still
as a regular donor to Gaza Soup Kitchen I get their email updates, and they said today that while they've continued to be able to expand, donations are slowing down as Gaza gets less coverage. If you have a few dollars to spare, I encourage you to send them here to continue the amazing work that Hani and his team are doing.
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Sensory issues - He is canonically sensitive to sounds. He also displays other sensory issues--see his extreme reaction to Aoi forcing medicine on him during the Rehabilitation arc. It very much reads as someone having a sensory reaction due to the bad taste/texture. Zenitsu also likes the sensory input of physical contact--there are several moments where he craves physical touch, such as him clinging to people or when he giggles when the Butterfly triplets stretch him. While yes, some of this is due to trauma from being unloved and abandoned his whole life (and touch starved), that doesn't totally discount this from being an autistic trait. Additionally, you can be both traumatized and autistic.
Meltdowns - Zenitsu has frequent loud meltdowns that tend to leave him stuck in his own head. He also has virtually no emotional regulation skills, and frequently experiences extreme dysregulation.
Anxiety - While not an autistic trait on its own, a lot of autistic people do experience high levels of anxiety and anxiety is commonly comorbid with autism. Zenitsu has extremely debilitating levels of anxiety.
Stimming - There are multiple point in the series where Zenitsu stims. When he first meets Tanjiro, he's in the middle of a meltdown and physically bridges his body upwards multiple times (physical stimming). When angry at Tengen during the EDA, Zenitsu loudly (and flawlessly) strums on shamisen (both physical and auditory stimming). His frequency in clinging to other characters--usually Tanjiro--also qualifies. He clings to Tanjiro in order to ground himself (tactile stimming). When distressed, he does a lot of yelling or screaming (vocal stimming).
Atypical social behavior - Zenitsu's social skills are genuinely awful. He has trouble making friends and forming bonds, and it's implied Tanjiro was his first friend in his entire life. Other characters that are not in Zenitsu's immediate circle view him as weird and annoying (reality for autistic people). Zenitsu misses social cues and has trouble picking up on boundaries in canon, but is genuinely apologetic when he realizes he's overstepped or made someone uncomfortable. He puts in an effort to change his behavior when he's called out.
Atypical levels of empathy - Zenitsu is genuinely very compassionate and kindhearted, and want to protect and help people. However, he does struggle with cognitive empathy. He gets so stuck in his own head that he fails to pick up on others' emotions, and does sometimes struggle to see where others are coming from (ie, he struggles to put himself in others' shoes). This is what empathy actually is--it is not the same thing as compassion, and has nothing to do with being a good person. Even with his hearing, this is a struggle for him--Zenitsu receives the social data, but struggles to interpret it correctly.
Strong sense of justice - A strong sense of justice is common in autistic people. Zenitsu, despite his fear and anxiety, refuses to abandon Shoichi in Tsuzumi Mansion, and takes steps to protect him (he actually encourages Shoichi to abandon him). He puts his life on the line to protect Nezuko's box simply because Tanjiro (who he considered a friend) said it was important. During the Entertainment District arc, he joins Tanjiro and Inosuke in standing up to Tengen when Tengen posed a threat to Aoi and Naho's wellbeing. During the same arc, he stood up to Daki (who he knew was a strong demon) when Daki was abusing a little girl, simply because Zenitsu could not stand the way Daki was treating her. He also later demanded (in Sleep Mode) that Daki apologize to the girl she abused. And when Kaigaku betrays the Corps and causes Jigoro to commit seppuku, Zenitsu is so enraged that he finally pushes past his debilitating anxiety and focuses on nothing but bringing Kaigaku down.
Volume control issues - Zenitsu is loud without meaning to be, particularly when he gets upset or excited. This is common with autistic people.
Hyperfixatioins/SpIns -- Zenitsu has a fixation on Tanjiro and Nezuko. He hyperfixates on them because they are his safe people. The reason he clings to them is because they represent safety and unconditional love and acceptance, which is something he deeply craves. He also not only mastered the first form of Thunder Breathing, but mastered it to unprecedented levels, and failed to learn anything beyond that (despite trying). This brings to mind overspecialization found in autistic people when they focus on One Specific Thing and get really good at that thing, but not much else. Even the form he invents later on is extremely similar to the first form.
Bluntness - He lacks a filter and tends to run his mouth (especially during moments of high anxiety. He tends to be brutally honest about the situation (and the behavior of his friends), but isn't mean spirited.
He's also on the gullible side and canonically easy to manipulate (pre-canon he got groomed by SEVEN predatory older women), which makes him susceptible to abuse. (Autistic people are frequently more vulnerable to this kind of manipulative abuse and exploitation).
not a usual post, but i'm very hyperfixated on mha & specifically overhaul and i really really do hate how mha writes off its villains & especially with chisaki he feels very.... forgotten i guess is how i'd put it, not utilized as fully as he can be. & i just have a couple of thoughts about him..
first thing i want to talk about is his direct parallelism to tomura, their quirks quite literally being one in the same with tomuras being sourced from chisakis. this is such an interesting concept especially when you have the aspect of tomura taking away his quirk at the end of the shie hassaikai arc. but... like... these two characters aren't allowed to have a relationship or true dynamic even after tartarus. and theres also the thing of chisakis time at the orphanage not being expanded on, which i wish generally that the whole concept was.. mha has a couple allegories for real world human trafficking but doesn't seem to know what to do with them fully.
there is also the parallels between him & eri, eri basically has the 'pure' version of the quirk overhaul, both of them can put things back together again while also being able to destroy them completely. its so interesting with the pre-established notion of socially acceptable quirks (shown through toga who is lambasted for her quirk being out of the norm, and how it effects her as a person. she is seen as a burden for it.) and then you have what chisaki says to eri as well,
these are especially interesting to me with how it's shown over and over that when you first develop a quirk, it's harder to control. so it makes me ask questions like how chisaki's time was developing overhaul, and following the idea that quirks effect personality & personhood how does it do that specifically? these lines also just sound a lot like projecting, considering how similar their quirks are.
he's an established misophobe (i also read him as having autism personally..), but that seems more a product of him believing quirks & heroism are a virus. which is said to have to come from him reading an old theory about quirks coming from rats, but that's honestly a pretty boring reason for such a unique belief. there's, in my opinion, a lot of contextual clues that point to more troubling things happening to him & mha does show how common abusive systems & families are in everyday life so why is chisaki, specifically, treated as a near pure evil villain..? it just befuddles me.
which this isn't just a problem with his character, but mha in general having more plotlines & themes then it can obviously handle, alot of them never being resolved or tied up lazily, and at the end of the day it's a pro-police piece of fiction that ends with the abused, disabled antagonists being killed or mutiliated while their abusers & the abusive systems still have a high place in society. it is very unfortunate, and it just couldn't handle some of the themes & topics it had tried to discuss. side tangent... since this is just a dive into how i view one character...
there's not much to say beyond the shie hassaikai arc.. he gets no further characterization outside of his fanatical devotion to his adoptive father... which i wish was also expanded on (also paralleled to tomura again Gah....) there was just alot of potential in this series, and it is personally upsetting to me when fiction has alot of potential that it fails on... i have more thoughts on alot of this......
kai chisaki's husband @grapefacegrfa - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
