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Because I quarreled with my relative, with whom I live, I wanted to escape to another city, because in the one where I am now, there are a lot of my relatives who can do whatever they want to me if they catch me. I was very stupid and was deceived by my other grandmother, who "approved" that I wanted to move to a new city to live on my own. She and my mom locked me at home, yelled at me and said that I was "manipulating everyone" all when I tried to tell them that since they didn't need me and they didn't want to admit it, I would leave their lives forever. They started blackmailing me and took advantage of my poor mental and physical health. I had to stay for a few days and now I'm going back to where I ran away from for the reason that I have a personal space there and peace. I'm more or less safe there, even though I live with a man who goes a little crazy from time to time because of his disability. For now, I have to, because even because of my terrible condition, I can't work and my money is being controlled
Just so you understand, I lived with my narcissist mother for 18 years, who caused me a lot of pain along with my ex-stepfather, because of this I tried several times... I don't want to tell you, but I had sh scars. And I'm still holding back from doing these bad things to myself because of recent events. In fact, I have lived 18 years of hell in which I have never been listened to and will never be listened to, it doesn't matter to me. I don't feel safe in this house where I grew up, and I never will, no matter how much everyone tells me that I should be ashamed and that "feel sorry for your mom!!!" This woman is 40+ years old, she protected my abusers, isolated me from the internet for several years, she deceived me and forced me to raise her children (she's just an irresponsible mother)
Then I spent a whole year living with my relative, who agreed to take me in after I was kicked out of the house when they discovered that I had asked my aunt for money to help. Everything was fine until my relative ended up in a wheelchair. It became difficult for me to study, I could hardly find a way out to find time Flfor myself, I became more with drawn and stopped going out. I am now on the verge of dropping out of my college due to the fact that I have not been able to start studying for a long time due to fatigue. I can't go to a therapist because I don't have the money or the moral strength. Everyone says they'll "help me," but in the end, everyone makes empty promises to me again, even when I tell them why I can't work. My father went to war because of debts and I do not know if he will stay alive or not, I am afraid because if he dies, I will be left without parents (I rejected my mother and do not want to have anything to do with her). In fact, I'm all alone and can't trust anyone, because I've been deceived many times, my equipment and passport have been taken away from me. I just want to live a peaceful life without control and judgment. I want to leave, but I'm still scared
Forgive me for being such a weak person...I can't do anything with myself, I really love my friends and drawing helps me not to give up completely. I really hope that all the people who hate me now will forgive me...
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For six months now, some weirdo has been writing to me in anonymous messages, who knows my name, nicknames that only close friends knows...Unfortunately, I couldn't find the rest of the messages, but please trust me because I'm in a terrible mental state right now and I'm trying to come up with a moving plan from my abusive relative
So, I'll tell you something. I rarely open anonymous messages because I thought they were just stupid ai bots, but as I said, I've been receiving similar messages. First, after a recent breakup with my ex-friend, he wrote me a huge post in which he begged me to forgive him. I knew what kind of person he was, and he even tried to find me recently and asked me to unblock them. And after that, I started seeing this in my notifications
At first, there were insults that concerned facts that only my besties/family could know. My problems with socialization, acne, and so on. I also talked about breaking up with my other friends, warning them about him and what he had done
Then the threats started, he said that something was "waiting" for me near my house if I went outside and all that. I was very scared and cried
And now, after a long time, they write about how "they missed me and love me" and other shit eww. Dude, you've been insulting and scaring me for months, and I know who you are. You're clearly not ai bot
And now I'm going to tell you a little bit about that breakup with my ex-friend and why I was uncomfortable with him:
When we first started chatting, it happened randomly, I just didn't know who to discuss the same topic with. But nothing else. I didn't notice how he started writing to me much more often, and after a month we were already "friends," if I could call it that. I must say right away, I hate it when even hints of romantic feelings are shown to me. Yes, joking flirting is not so bad if I only hear it from a close best friend. I also want to remind you that we were both the same age. We were very friendly to each other, but gradually I started noticing oddities. He started calling me affectionate nicknames. Okay? Maybe I could have put up with it, but then it started mixing everything up
Almost every day I started receiving messages where he texted me non-stop how much he missed me, and I swear, I should have told him that I would be busy, after a while I opened the chat and saw thousands of messages from him, how he whines, misses me and almost khs. I admit, we were both traumatized guys with unstable mental health, but how much he wrote vents is just a quiet horror. He wrote THOUSANDS of messages about everything due to the fact that they all often consisted of several words or just one. It was very stressful for me to read ngl. LIKE, DUDE, WRITE IT ALL IN ONE BIG MESSAGE, CAN YOU STOP SPAMMING ME EVERY FUCKING MINUTE???? I probably should have told him that we weren't that close as friends so I could tolerate his behavior, but unfortunately I was weak myself...
The worst part. He started hinting that he has a crush on me and really wanted us to become a couple, even though I SAID I'm aroace. Yes, we still had a nice talk and he even gave me some little money, but believe me, it was nothing compared to how much trouble he caused me. His vents turned from complaining about his life to "sigh...I wish we could date, but you're aroace, so, I'm going to hurt myself because I'm so sad and depressed about it 🥺". It was like manipulation/pressure on pity, because it scared me very much, as if he even listened to me when I asked him to STOP. I also want to say that I am a very complex person and I can find any reason to feel ashamed of it for a long time. And so. He was in a general chat with my friends group for ghs. I felt terribly embarrassed when he called me some pet name and all my friends saw it. I STILL CAN'T GET RID OF THAT DAMN MEMORY
I tried to put up with his behavior to the last because I was too empathetic and I felt sorry for him. But he ignored all my requests and made me constantly feel anxious. The last straw in our communication was that he confessed that he was a member of the Deadtoons community (Dandy's World proship/darkship community) and he had Gigi from the cropped art with Toodles on his pfp...He knew how much I hated proshippers, but he probably thought that since we were "friends", I would accept him. FUCKING GROSS. Honestly, I'm not surprised, since he once told weird headcannons about my favorite ghs characters and was into dead dove stuff. I blocked him everywhere
At first, he tried to talk to me through his friends, but I hinted several times that I didn't want to be friends with him FOR MANY REASONS, and so he probably started taking revenge on me through anonymous messages
I'm sure one of his friends is following me, or he's set up an alt account...That's all I wanted to say
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