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And Just Like That, All the Love Songs Were About You...
I honestly don't know if I've ever been this happy/comfortable/content with someone before! Ā I don't even know where to start to explain how I feel. I am literally so happy that I want to cry!
I don't question how he feels about me. I don't wonder if he's talking to anyone else. I don't fret over where this is going, or if we are right for each other, or what I need to do make him stay.Ā
Of course I think about him, and I still get in my head sometimes, and it's hard when I don't hear from him in a while. But I'm getting better! Like, so much better. I mean, he's an idiot who is never serious and is always giving me a hard time about everything. But when I'm upset, or there is something real that we need to talk about, he straightens up and talks for real about how we fix it. He will be the first to tell me that I'm overreacting, or overthinking, but when he knows I'm really upset, he speaks softly and reassures me. Rather than dismissing my feelings, as irrational as they may be.Ā
He talks about me to the guys in the most adorable way. Like he's totally picking on me for something, but it feels more like he's gushing. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like when he was ragging on me to his buddy about all my chapsticks, but at the same time itās like he's boasting that I keep one of these most important items by his bed AND that he knows me so well to know that this is a part of me that not everyone gets to see. Like, he makes it very clear that we are together, that he spends his time with me, and that he is proud to do so. He's not trying to keep us a secret.Ā
He does so many sweet little things that he absolutely doesn't have to do. His offer to stop drinking the night I passed my exam, so that I could get drunk and he could drive us home. Paying to fill up my car when I was shoving my credit card at him. Making the bed and clearing the trash off the nightstand when he was at my place and I was at work. Always making sure I have a seat, even if he has to stand. The way he sings to me! Every time we are together he does something that shows me how he cares.Ā
AND I feel physically comfortable with him! I mean, I'm still self conscious about my body. I'm sure I always will be. But when I'm laying on my side at night and he puts his arm around my stomach, I don't completely freak out! And THAT is a small miracle. I can't wait to get back to the gym, but I feel so much more motivated to get hotter for HIM than I do for myself. Take my feminism card if you have to.Ā
It's taking every ounce of my self control not to tell him that I love him, I know itās a bit soon for that, but if this isn't what love feels like, then I can't believe it exists. Ā

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I didnāt sleep at all last night...
I just tossed and turned and couldnāt shut my mind down.
Too angry with, worried about, and far away from the men in my life...
First, thereās John.
John, who I fell for, way too hard, and way too fast.
Heās already shown me with his actions, or lack thereof, that he isnāt interested in me the same way I am in him. So why am I still so eager to impress? Perhaps itās too easy for me to see the good intentions, even when they are not there. I keep telling myself that heās just not ready. I mean, how long did it take me to be ready? Iām still not even sure I am. And Iām fine with a slow burn, especially since we are stuck seeing each other in a professional capacity for at least another seven months. Even if I do think about jumping him on the back of the bus every time I see him.
But last night he really pissed me off. He started the conversation down this particular path, after not even talking to me at all for weeks, and then goaded me into sending him a racy picture, saying, āneither of us is playing games hereā...
I debated, and I knew it probably wasnāt a good idea. I didnāt really know if I could trust him. But I said, you know what, fuck it, Iām into this guy, we are adults, sounds like a fun way to spend this Saturday night. So I sent him a damn sexy picture, even if it was only rated PG-13.
And then, as soon as I sent the pic, not only did his response time immediately drop to HOURS, but he failed to reciprocate in any way, whatsoever.
I mean, if Iām actively sexting with someone, I believe I deserve their undivided attention. Is that too much to ask?
š
Then thereās Josh.
Josh, who literally began with loathing.
Then, somehow, managed to friendship. Which, stranger still, formed into a crush.
He tests my patience at every turn, but somehow I hate being mad at him. Heās become my favorite in a group of terrible options. And truth be told, if I didnāt believe I would become a dehumanized tale among the group, I probably would have taught him a couple things by now. š
He has potential for greatness. Or, at least, some sort of potential. But like the rest of us, he doesnāt make the best decisions. And his drunken personality, rather than getting fun, can get pretty nasty.
Still, I like him. And Iām definitely attracted to him. And even though I know it has no possibility of a future, and that I should absolutely leave it alone completely, I really want him to want me, too.
Which brings us to last night.
I havenāt seen him in quite some time. Heās been working on himself. Eating right, working out, not drinking. Iām proud of him for doing whatās good for himself, but that kind of lifestyle leaves little room for socializing. Trust me, I know. Also, the few photos Iāve seen... the boy is looking hot!
Anyway, last night I guess the isolation got to be too much, and he headed out to the bar. A while later I get a message that he wanted to find some time for a personal talk. Itās rare he seems so serious, so I tell him that of course Iām here for whatever he needs and ask if everything is alright. He said yes, but that he needs āa time to speak the truthā.
Increasingly unusual for him to talk that way.
I didnāt hear much more from him and assumed he went to sleep. Even though it was fairly early. I did check his location and he was home at least. Now Iām wondering if he was home while he was messaging me, or still at the bar?
I really have no idea what it is he wants to talk about, or what he has to say. It could be any number of things. Informing me that the guys are shit-talking about Andrew washing my hair the week before, or maybe just his disappointment to hear of it. Or that he is back with his ex š. Or thanking me for being there and urging him toward becoming his better self. Or how he wonāt be hanging with the group anymore at all because heās getting his shit together.
All of these things and more are possibilities. However, all I could think all night was that he wanted to confess that he is into me. That my friendship has meant a lot and that he appreciates the way Iāve tried to help him be better. And that the reason heās been working on himself so much is to try to become worthy of a woman like myself.
I know that this option, especially to this extent, is the least likely of all the possibilities. Itās an extremely big-headed idea. I realize that. But itās the fever dream I succumbed to in my sleeplessness last night. Along with the conundrum of how I could, should, and would react to such a plea.
š
That brings us to Dale.
Dale, whoās silliness and drunken snapchats endear him to me more with every video.
I donāt know him very well, but he seems like a great time, and a good guy.
Iām quite curious to know more, but it seems our timelines wonāt have the chance to intersect for a while, if at all. Heās visiting family in California at the moment, and interviewing for a job that would take him out there permanently.
It would be a shame if we never got a chance to explore our possibilities, but I canāt say Iām emotionally invested as of yet. But I am interested in finding out what kind of kisser he is.
š
The fact that human mothers donāt eat their young like rodents when stressed is under appreciated.
When the person youāre dating asks āWhat are we?ā itās like the free trial period has expired and you have to decide whether or not to get a subscriptionā¦
maybeĀ i should send you a bill for all my time you wastedĀ

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FUCK CANCER!
Fuck its whole fucking cowardly fucking existence. You wanna fight? Iāll fucking fight you. Why donāt you fucking come out here and say that to my fucking face? Iāll kick your fucking ass. Iāll kick your fucking tumorās ass. Iāll fucking kick your momās tumorās ass! Fucking chicken.
Cancer is a fucking pussy ass bitch. Iāll telling everyone.
The Gays Are Super Heroes That Will Save Us All!
So, I was scrolling through Pinterest the other day and there was a Tumblr post that caught my attention. It was started by this ridiculous user who was running on about how homosexuality must be unnatural because if you separated the gays, lesbians, and straight people onto three islands, respectively, that the gay and lesbian islands would die out after a generation and the straight island would survive. She then went on to become so righteous in her ignorant opinions that I kind of wanted to reach through the computer and slap her. But I digress.
Other users added comments, effectively turning the entire post into a very intriguing tale about a āgoddamn sci-fi dystopian adventureā and honestly, it was pretty awesome. Ā
Still, the original poster got me thinking. Not that she was correct, but actually the opposite.
What if it IS natural? And I donāt mean whether people are born gay. Personally, I believe some people are absolutely born gay, while others are influenced by their surroundings, and still others are just attracted to people they love, regardless of gender.
And of course, there have always been gay people. We have proof of it as far back as history has been recorded. Itās not a new concept. But many people, specifically the ones arguing that homosexuality is āunnaturalā, believe that the gay population is growing, and to epidemic proportions, they say.
While most people wouldnāt argue that the number of openly gay individuals is increasing, it can be primarily chalked up to the growing acceptance of alternate sexualities. Itās not that a larger percentage of people are being born gay. Itās just that people are more open about it. Right?
But what if thatās exactly what is happening: more and more people being born gay? What if it is a defense mechanism that our species, or even our planet, has developed to combat our massive overpopulation? It could be an actual change in our genetic makeup. A step in evolution to ensure the survival of the human race! Or maybe our planet has had enough and is emitting a chemical, affecting our brains or that of our offspring as an attempt to reduce the population over time?Ā
So you have all these people shouting that homosexuality is unnatural, when it could possibly be the most natural and humane way to deal with the devastating overpopulation that, if left unchecked, will be sure to kill us all.
Seems logical to me.
Disclaimer - Ā I am not gay. I mean, I gave it a good shot from 1999-2003 or so, and yeah, I still find girls attractive, but it just worked out that the CIS life was for me. Though, to be honest, I donāt even know if āCISā is the proper term. I should really look that up. My point here being that my opinions and ideas shouldnāt mean anything to anyone and are in no way meant to make you want to slap me through the computer.
the phrase ācuriosity killed the catā is actually not the full phrase it actually is ācuriosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it backā so donāt let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu
See also:
Blood is thicker than waterĀ The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Meaning that relationships formed by choice are stronger than those formed by birth.
Letās not forget that āJack of all trades, master of noneā ends with āBut better than a master of one.ā
It means that being equally good/average at everything is much better than being perfect at one thing and sucking at everything else. So donāt worry if youāre not perfect at something you do! Being okay is better!
These made me feel better
Also, āgreat minds think alikeā ends with ābut fools rarely differā
It goes to show that conformity isnāt always a good thing. And that just because more than one person has the same idea, doesnāt necessarily mean itās a good idea.
what the fuck why havenāt i heard the full version to any of theseĀ
āBirds of a feather flock togetherā ends withĀ āuntil the cat comes.ā
Itās actually a warning about fair-weather friends, not an assessment of how complementary people are.
Iāve always felt like these were cut down on purpose.
I really like these phrases and plan on spreading this knowledge.
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I want to make designs out of these.
Funny how all the half-finished ones encourage uniformity and upholding the status-quo, while the complete proverbs encourage likeā¦living exciting, eclectic lives driven by choice and personal passion.
Iām such a fan of low soft lighting like turn off that room light and turn on a lamp bitch
You have no idea.

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All curly haired girls go 2 heaven
What if I'm a straight-haired ginger?
Laughing to myself, 20 minutes into dinner at a trendy new restaurant in town... 6 year old: What's so funny? Me: You wouldn't understand. 6 year old: You always say that. I'm not as young as you think. Me: Ok, I was laughing because this isn't the first Phil Collins song I've heard since we got here. 6 year old: I don't understand. Me: Exactly.