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@grandmatyrell
āThe time of hot chocolaty mornings and toasty marshmallow evenings.ā
Poohās Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997) dir. Karl Geurs

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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September 18th 2021, Saturday
Hello all! I have like two followers on this account lol. I guess I donāt have much to offer except that this is just a personal journal. My main account (grandmatyrell) is where I usually post but I donāt really update that too often. Itās weird to me that there are people who actually read my journal. But, itās an open space if you ever feel like commenting or just if you wanna lurk thatās ok too.Ā
About me: I turn 29 in November and currently a senior at college. I was diaganosed with Bipolar Disorder about 4 years ago. I like poetry, reading anything informative, and Iām a huge advocate for mental health, particularly young adult and youth mental health. I know itās basic but Iām trying to live, laugh, love throughout this journey about my diagnoses and just managing day to day living. Iām sober these days except for the occasional cigarette. That has been most life changing aspect of my journey so far just because for a whole 2.5 years you probably would find me with a joint or a bowl. I only quit because it bought on my psychosis and lead to a psychotic break, which is another story. If you have been reading my entries, a few years ago after moving home I got in touch with the local coven in town and they really tried to help me find a new normal even with my diagnoses so I write about what Iāve learned by my own research and what I remember. Itās been a few years since Iāve connected with them but Iām planning on going back. Honestly they felt more like home than any church Iāve been too. I meditate pretty regularly and talk about that too as well. Currently, I live in Lincoln, Nebraska with my parents. Mostly due to finances and mostly due to the recovery journey. I hope to bring light to this world and inspire others about their own lives and journeys. If you are here as a kindred, hello! Donāt be afraid to ask me about things, even if itās random.
Now on to my day so far
Keep reading
Mood of the day
By Lily Seika Jones
Snake In The Garden by Yumiko Higuchi
hand embroidery

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It Me
I was looking at a few personal posts I made during the time I wasnāt medicated and itās always so refreshing to reflect. Especially since I had no one at the time. I still have no friends though! Itās my senior year of college (again) and Iām busy busy busy all the time. My therapist always says I should put myself out there but I feel so out of place. Iām almost 29 in two months and I see all these youths. I canāt say I have the same sadness I did when I was 23 but I can say Iām leaps and bounds away from where I was. Iām taking an intro to poetry class and I canāt help but feel that all I write about is my experience in the psych wards. I woke up in a funk but Iām glad I could reflect if only a little. Puts things into perspective
Anthony Bourdain
Iām Not Scared to Reenter Society. Iām Just not sure I want to - Tim Kreider for The Atlantic
āThe most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.ā
-Malcolm X (1962)
(Originally found on insta from @ashleighchubbybunny)
motoguo x grape_official shoes FW19.

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R.G. Hoegler, Karl Kerenyi āGreece in Colorā 1956
Fiona Apple on the cover of les Inrockuptibles,Dec 1999
He has beautiful blue eyes, nice pink lips, greasy hair. I love it. Heās kind of tall, and a little clumsy. I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away. Before Sunrise (1995) dir. Richard Linklater
The cross at the Louise Bourgeois Church
Trying dark academia hairstyles on my kinky hairĀ

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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So weāre reading Little Women in class and I couldnāt for the life of me resonate with the characters. Idk, maybe it was the time period or just my depression but the second half resonates more with me than the first part. Iām in a zoom meeting right now and it may be the coffee but there world is opening up to me. I canāt help but imagine them as black little women whenever Iām reading. But of course my imagination leads me to the realities of class and race. Grr...
Life Update: Hello Anyone??
So Iām starting school again in two weeks. I canāt believe that itās almost been 6 years since Iāve been in a university. For those who keep track of me (canāt be many Iām sure) Iāve documented my ups and downsĀ and even managed to blog through heavy episodes of depression of psychosis. Itāll be 6 years in June since I first stepped foot into a psyche ward. And three years since my diagnoses with Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic features.
Whatās changed since then:
Well, Iāve been faithfully seeing a therapist for the past 2 years and have refrained from substances for the last 2 years as well.
Iām going back to school to finish my degree
I still live at home but things are a lot more stable.
Thereās not much to report except a few experiences with psychosis here and there and hallucinations but Iām thinking about starting a seperate blog for that since I have a lot to say especially since Iām a black woman near 30 with bipolar. Iām excited to start having an online presence again. Even though it feels like Iāve abandoned this blog many times over. But it is a pretty blog and I donāt believe tumblr is dead lol. I may have to find time in the morning because of school and work but Iā m eager to get my story out there and my experiences.Ā
Much love and grace
Grandmatyrell