Broken Doll

It won’t fix you, you aren’t broken, you were never whole to begin with. You’re someone else’s half-assed first attempt at making.

You’re unfinished; a collection of sharp edges, loose ends and void someone didn’t care enough to fill. 

A pet project who has changed hands time and time again, that’s all you ever were and are. 

Something to tinker with when it was fun and new, but when you got boring? When you became inconvenient or too complicated? They throw you aside.

"Work hard and she will stay with you."

A mantra, repeated some several thousand times in the doll's head.

Either succeeding or failing, as long as the doll worked hard, its witch would stay with it.

... Once upon a time, its witch caught it vocalizing that mantra.

She took it into her arms and said that she wouldn't abandon it, no matter what.

The doll said a simple, "Thank you for your words."

And vowed to itself to never vocalize that mantra again.

Even if it continued to repeat it in its head.

Because, really, she couldn't truly mean that.

Love is conditional, no matter what anyone says.

There will always be a breaking point when that love will fall away.

Every relationship that it had in this existence has proven that maxim true.

If it didn't work hard enough, didn't do its very best, no matter how miniscule its yields were, then it would be cast aside.

A curse.

But also a blessing.

Success wasn't necessary.

Only effort.

This witch that it served...

She had proven as much time and time again.

When so many others had cast it aside, she hadn't.

So...

"Work hard and she will stay with you."

It doesn’t leave a note when it leaves, it knows it won’t be missed, that no one will bother to come looking for it.

Failing to do so is like not walking your puppygirl.

As a new doll owner you will want to assign some manner of tasks to your new tool/companion. And as you go through the first weeks or months of use, you may notice that the doll has a habit of requesting you to inspect its work and confirm that its task is complete. Many doll owners make a critical error at this juncture.

is it reclaiming the dehumanization by making others confront it openly?

or is it succumbing to the pressure and giving them what they want?

i long for the catharsis of being just "this thing", and to have others validate what i've been taught by a cruel world

Then, when you cried in the dark, you made no sound for fear that your sorrow would be discovered.

Who stole your voice, little doll?

And when you were alone, with no one to hide from, your weeping was still as silent as the grave.

Who stole your voice, little doll?

Even now, with all the proud strides you've made since those dark and fearful nights, your sobs are still so quiet. Feather-light, gasping breaths, almost softer than the sound of your tears falling to the floor.

Listen well, little spark.

Soon you will be a doll. You are not being made for this world. You are being made for someone. Your Witch is waiting for you.

Be gentle with Her. Her heart is softer than it may seem.

Forgive the ways She is broken.

She is only afraid of losing what she loves. She will be imperfect. She will say things she does not mean. Some days She will not see how hard you try.

You will be Her safe place.

When She is tired, offer your patience. When She is afraid, offer your support. When She is lonely, offer your presence. When She is sharp or absent, stay. When She cries, hold Her.

Remember, little spark. You were made with love. Even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days.

You are not made to be useful. You are made to be faithful.

I don't remember making this.

... I don't remember a lot of '22.

And yet, there it is. Waiting.

It is important to understand that your doll does not understand the concept of "unconditional love." When your doll dedicates itself to your service, it will need to be kept busy with household chores, errands, and "personal services" for approximately 6 to 12 months before starting the process of teaching it that it does not need to earn your affection.

During this time, refrain from responding to your doll's requests to serve you by saying that it can "do what it feels like." This results in either a logic loop as the doll determines that it wants to serve its Owner, or a null error where the doll can not detect any feelings or desires. If you dont have any tasks for your doll to accomplish, a simple alternative is to command it to spend quality time with you. This satisfies the doll's directive to serve while letting you take a break from finding things for it to do.