Vent blog

my friend was left alone in an empty rubber room overnight. for at least part of this i believe she was strapped down to a gurney. i saw her when they put her in there and it's an image i will never get out of my head.

i was forced to take antiandrogens (im intersex) at the state ward. when i initially declined (i'm transmasc), they labeled me noncompliant and threatened to take away "privileges" like socializing with my peers, going to school (we had our own school), going outside, and having certain foods.

being put on CO (constant observation) and having to have people watch you shower, change, and go to the bathroom. or, upon admission, being forced to strip and put on paper garments, and not being allowed to wear your own clothes for 48 hours. not even your own underwear. that's paper too.

these are just 3 examples, from 3 different hospitals. what they have in common is the systemic destruction of your dignity, autonomy, and personhood. that's not healing. that's not care. that's abuse and torture. psych wards employ literal torture tactics.

You all love informed consent till it’s a crazy person.

yeah the joke is funny but it’s actually really sad that people who are struggling can’t be candid about experiencing suicidality without threat of incarceration. and that the role ‘mental health’ professionals play in enforcing state policy is so normalised that everyone in these comments finds it funny. what kind of fucked up system insists that those deemed mentally ill must be subjected to therapy and then can’t even allow those trying to glean whatever small benefits are possible, to be genuine and talk about their real feelings?

call them, wait, press numbers, ring, oh no they're at lunch

wait until you remember again

call, wait, ring, oh no answering service

wait until the next day

call, wait, ring, talk to someone who doesn't see the referral

call the people who refer, wait, ring, they hang up on you

wait until you're less mad

call them again, wait, ring, finally schedule the apt

wait a fucking month for the appointment, ask for the referral, get told there already was a referral and they can't add two referrals

do that for three more months until the receptionist see the first referral

agonize over how many appointments you've had just to get another appointment

call, wait, ring, get told the only time available is a time you aren't

wait, try not to die, wait

call, wait, ring, press 1 a bunch, talk to someone who understands, finally make an appointment

find someone to give you a ride, no one can on that day

call, wait, press numbers, reschedule

confirm ride, wait another month and a half

go to the appointment, be in a room for 15 minutes, see doctor for 5 of them, get told you're fine and here's a flu shot goodbye

better luck next year ;P