the losing dogs and i are engaging in insider trading

the most important virtues for the young woman are as follows: time theft, selfishness, orgasms, irreverence to authority, sacrilegious behavior, a questioning mind, and eating regular meals.

Neopets general discussion board is all like "discuss your aches and pains" "share your latest office drama" "my elderly dog is having medical issues" now

boys like it when you imprison them in the ornate birdcage that hangs in the centre of your lair

it doesn't have to get done, it just has to be perfect

i wish there was an animal that could see radio waves so I could transmit that i love them and every one on earth would know it

i would randomly broadcast the growling of their natural predator so theyre freaked the fuck out all the time

who the fuck are you

If I was a knight would you let me swear oaths to you be honest

Pleaaase bro just let me be your blade

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

when the dude with no health says "spawn monsters"

we’ll see who’s laughing about outdated tumblr prose in 2029 when the average micro-influencer genre novel opens with like “first of;all i am not doing well And i might go away soon”