Stoner in Recovery

so here's some things to watch out for with recreational drug use:

planning your day around drugs e.g "i'll give myself an extra half hour before heading out so i can get high first"

rapidly switching emotions around drugs. you love them but you hate that you love them so much. you hate the way you feel on them but you hate being sober. feeling guilty after using even when you didn't give a crap beforehand.

caring less about spending money. if you are budgeting for drugs like they are food, you are likely prioritizing them more than is healthy.

getting high to do household chores and other unpleasant things because it would suck less and be more bearable on drugs

feeling anxious or restless while sober, not knowing what to do with oneself, feeling lost or ungrounded.

thinking about doing drugs constantly even while sober. maybe it's the first thing you think of when you wake up. maybe when you're bored or otherwise have free time, drugs are one of the first things you can think of to occupy yourself with.

going to work or school while under the influence, especially if it happens regularly and if you're seeing your performance suffer as a result.

the idea of taking a 'tolerance break' sounds good to you until it's actually break time, at which point you can come up with 20 very reasonable sounding points to explain why it wouldn't benefit you actually and you should just keep doing drugs regardless.

even if you succeed at quitting the drug, you keep your dealer's number on your phone "just in case"

you pretend to be sober when you aren't. you worry about other people noticing how much time you spend high. you make efforts to hide your drug use or minimize how much other people think you're using. you're scared of other people's judgement if they were to find out.

you have mood swings laced with self-hatred, regret, financial worries, and guilt. these mood swings are then very quickly wiped away by feelings of "but it doesn't matter, i can do what i want, and clearly i'm doing just fine while using drugs frequently". news flash, if you are rapidly switching between feeling numb-ok and hating yourself more than anything because of your drug use, you are mentally ill.

If you e.g. drink a few glasses of wine 5 nights a week, that's not what our mental image of an alcoholic looks like, but if you rely on it to switch off from work, or get worried about not having wine in the house etc- that's an addiction. If you're not doing it every day, could you go for a week without it?

When we picture people with long-term addiction issues we tend to fall back on a lot of stereotypes that prevent those who don't fit the mould from seeking help or being recognised for their illness. I've supported plenty of recovering addicts in my day-job and the one thing that never ceases to surprise me is how much some of them differ from mainstream perceptions of what an addict looks like.

When we picture heroin addicts, we assume they'll be homeless, unemployed, and immediately identifiable by the track-marks on their arms. The last person I spoke to who'd been affected by heroin addiction was a woman whose husband earned a good salary (though he was always short of money) and had managed to hide his heroin-use from her for over 10 years because injecting is not the only way to take it, just the most visible. When we picture those with a gambling problem we assume they're young working-class men who bet on football and racing, but the last person I spoke to with a gambling problem was in her 50s and as middle-class as they come. Then there are the large numbers of people addicted to tobacco, caffine, or alcohol who don't even acknowledge it because of how normalised smoking, drinking, or consuming large amounts of caffine every day are in most Western cultures.

skipping meals / not eating during the day in anticipation for drinking when you get home

not caring about the quality or experience of having the drink anymore (ex. if you can't wait for your drinks to cool in the fridge even though you would prefer them that way)

canceling plans to stay home and drink

drinking at inappropriate times (ex. school/work/etc)

missing classes/appointments/obligations because you couldn't wait until afterwards to drink

recognizing that you can't afford to keep buying alcohol but doing it anyway

recognizing while drunk that you don't know why you do this anymore

Are you hydrated? 

If not, have a glass of water. Dehydration can mimic or increase feelings associated with anxiety and a well hydrated brain functions optimally. Avoid excess caffeine. 

Have you eaten in the past three hours? 

Don’t be a victim of hanger! Get some food–something with protein, not just simple carbs or high-fat. Nuts, hummus, and veggies are great options to feed your studying brain. Keep healthy snacks within reach to avoid mindlessly chowing down on sweets. 

Have you stretched your legs in the past day? 

If not, do so right now. If you don’t have the energy or time for a run or a trip to the gym, just walk around the block or building. Even minimal exercise preps the mind for learning so that you can focus better and recall things easier, plus it’s good to get a change of scenery. 

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day? 

Do so, whether online or in person. Make it genuine! We bet your study partner would appreciate a compliment. 

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?

If not, jog for the length of a song at your favorite tempo, or just dance around your bedroom for the length of an upbeat song (singing along is a bonus) 

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?

If not, do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends of friends’ pets. Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing. 

Have you started or changed any medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand? 

That may be screwing with your head. Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down. 

If daytime: are you dressed? 

If no, put on clean clothes that aren’t PJs. Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress. 

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep? 

Put on PJs, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes while focusing on breathing deeper with every breath- no electronic screens allowed! Adequate sleep is a necessity for stress management. 

Do you feel ineffective? 

Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an email, loading the dishwasher, or tidying up your room. Good job!

Do you feel unattractive? 

Take a darn selfie. Your friends will remind you how great you look. You are always insta-worthy. 

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?

Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day. If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable. Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial. 

Have you over-exerted yourself lately–physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually? 

That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking some time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment for a little. Time spent refreshing yourself is never time “wasted!” 

Have you waited a week? 

Sometimes or perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause. It happens. Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then. 

this terrified kitty won't let go of the young man who found it under the rubble.

“Hamas shouldn’t have attacked”

🙃

no human being is 100% happy 100% of the time

being a person is extraordinarily difficult even in the best of times

this is not the best of times

someone is grateful you exist (don't argue, it's true)

a bad day does not predict a bad existence