If I married him, the government would literally expect me to care for him and be his sole source of income. He would lose all of his benefits, including SSDI. Spouses are expected to share income and that effects ALL of his benefits, even his health insurance. We simply can’t afford to be married.

But it goes even further than that. If I were disabled, our incomes would STILL be combined, meaning BOTH of us would have our benefits cut.

For people reviving supplemental income, their benefits can be cut anywhere from 25% of their current income all the way down to 0%

In fact, one of the stipulations of receiving income under the adult disabled child program (which provides benefits for people who were disabled before age 22) is that they LITERALLY never be married.

I normally don’t link to blog posts as resources, but since social service resource sites like to dress this problem up and make it seem smaller than it really is, I’m gonna call it appropriate! Check it out!

https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/06/29/op-ed-why-no-matter-what-i-still-cant-marry-my-girlfriend

Here are some common reasons why something might be hard for you

your brain/body doesn’t allow you to do it the “normal” way and so you have to compensate in a harder way

you’re trying to do something moderately hard while also feeling physically/mentally terrible (which itself is hard - think of trying to do a simple task while juggling. Not so simple anymore)

something else in your life is effecting this

Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do something “easy.” It’s hard because it’s *actually hard*. If it wasn’t you’d just do it.

I decided to make this list because I used to struggle with feeling like I had no sense of identity, and I know many others feel the same. Looking back now I think I actually had a relatively stable personality and just experienced normal questions about it, but because of my intense emotions it *felt* really volatile. So here is a list of some parts of identity that are normal:  

It’s normal to have conflicting feelings about what you want in life, especially when you are younger. You might have a whole bunch of visions for your life that change every day …. this is normal, you are just figuring things out.

It’s normal to copy things you like from other people sometimes. For example a clothing style, interest, or even personality trait. Everyone does this to some extent because that’s how we find the stuff we like. You don’t have to invent something that’s never been seen before to be authentic! Just try to borrow things because you like them, not because you want to impress others, and try not to take *too* much from one person

Not everyone has an easy time figuring out what they want. While it’s a good skill to practice, maybe you don’t have strong opinions about taste yet. That’s ok – many people struggle with this, and it doesn’t mean you are fake in any way.

There is nothing wrong with making a conscious effort to change something about yourself. For example, learning tips for how to have conversations with new people. Everyone has to learn skills somehow, and reading tips or making specific changes can be a great way to do it. It doesn’t make you fake – it just makes your human & growing. Wanting to improve a part of you is a good thing and you’re under no obligation not to grow in order to be genuine 

So I’m at the bus terminal and this guy (who’d been following me and hovering over me for 10 minutes) comes up to me and says “hey beautiful. Can I talk to you?” So I said “no thank you.” He goes “I just want to speak to you, though.” And I said “yeah I know that and I’m not interested in talking to a strange man at a bus terminal. Please leave me alone.” So he stands there watching me. Finally he says “listen, there’s no need to be difficult. I approached you politely like a gentleman so I don’t see why you’re saying no. Now just let me speak to you.” I said “nobody’s being difficult my guy. You asked a question, I gave an answer so we’re done.” Then he says “yeah but the answer you gave me made no sense. Why don’t you want to talk to me? You don’t know what kind of person I am. You’re judging me before you know me. You’re being ignorant and prejudiced so”- Just then this other guy who’d been sitting close to me said “my nigga shut the fuck up! I saw you following her and stalking her like a fucking animal or some shit, like you didn’t think she didn’t notice? She’s probably scared of your predatory ass and I don’t blame her. Mans need to understand you don’t follow girls and shit. That shits corny.” So the guy goes “yo, mind your fucking business.” And the other dude says “nah because I see you harassing this girl and as a man this becomes my business. You thinking you were polite doesn’t mean a girl has to speak to you. Be nice because you’re nice, don’t use that please and thank you shit and think somebody has to speak to you. You’re not a “gentleman if you don’t respect her. Take the L and go catch your bus you fucking creep.” So the guy starts swearing and then walks away. The guy who’d defended me is like “you okay tho? Like real talk I don’t really like men because of shit like that. They’re fucking predators man. I do what I can when I’m able to for women because you don’t deserve to be hunted.”