"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

i’m so glad i’ve never gotten over anything in my life it makes listening to music so fun

Excuse me heroin addicted teenage Walmart employee can you unlock the cabinet full of things to put up my ass please

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

let's be several years behind together

crack the egg of sympathy and make the omelette of compassion

i have a “this stripper really likes me” thing with my dog’s vet except instead of liking me, i think he especially likes my dog. he really sells the illusion that my dog is one of his favorite patients and that’s why i continue to pay quite frankly crazy prices.

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

mr. beast in 2008

glow down

There's like. Millions of people who genuinely think that touching your wee wee while looking at a drawing will cause severe brain damage and they spend hours engaging in this belief and incorporating it into their politics. Their politics.

sorry gotta get my ‘friend that’s too woke’ on but I don’t think the solution to misogyny is more misogyny. like by all means rip into republican/right wing women but your critiques should be about how they’re evil soulless people not ‘haha they’re ugly/visibly aged. they don’t know how to put on make up!’ like i don’t fucking know man I don’t think any woman at all should be required to wear makeup or be made fun of for not wearing it ‘properly’ also let’s stop doing the ‘not conventionally attractive = morally bad’ thing. that last part especially be kicking y’all asses.