my parents’ cat: *lounges* thanks for the big new bed
lilith:
*slithers* thanks for the new clubhouse

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@medieval-canadian
my parents’ cat: *lounges* thanks for the big new bed
lilith:
*slithers* thanks for the new clubhouse

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This a a reminder to not fall victim to the sunk-cost fallacy. Just because you invested time and energy into something, does not mean you should indefinitely waste more time and energy on it, if you decide it’s not what you want anymore. This goes for anything, from books, to relationships, to jobs, to hobbies, etc.
If it’s not serving you anymore, move on.
This is honestly one of the places I find Marie Kondo's advice most helpful. I stop, look at the thing I've spent time and money on only to realize I dislike, and I say, "Thank you for teaching me something about myself and my preferences. I think I've learned this particular lesson and we can part ways now."
And then I don't feel like I "wasted" things or made a mistake. I just tried one path of learning about myself, learned something, and now it's time for a different path. Works a lot better for my brain.
The time Marie Kondo said "you can thank a a shirt you've never worn for teaching you about your taste", thereby making it NOT A WASTE literally rewired my whole brain. Acknowledge the thing and move forward, even if that means leaving the thing behind.
Upstairs Kevin Is Actually For Real The World's Most Perfect Betta Fish
So for those of you not familiar with my recent descent into fishkeeping, about 2 months ago a friend of mine who does Hazardous Waste cleanup (specifically cleaning up hazardous places like meth labs) called me up and asked:
"You have fish, right?"
"...Why?" I asked, having become aware that the Fish Distribution System is even more aggressive than the cat one.
"I found a fish in the back of an abandoned trap house. Alive." She clarified.
I could feel my fate settling upon my soul.
"...Send me a pic so I can ID the species and I'll see what I can do."
She sent me a picture of a small purplish squiggle in six inches of fetid green muck. But when I arrived to collect the sludge creature he turned out to look like this:
He's difficult to photograph in focus, but he's a deep wine-dark creature with an iridescent blue sheen. The red patches on his fins mirror where the fins of a Plakat/wild Betta splendens would be, and the rest of his fins are a ghostly shimmering white. This fish was in six inches of toxic green shit.
Naturally, he needed the finest tank I could put together that afternoon.
I think I did alright.
He's so fucking cute. He always swims up to watch when anyone approaches. I've got him trained to do a little dance when I feed him. He likes watching me doing anything in front of his tank.
That's all actually pretty typical of Bettas- they're very intelligent and curious creatures and like learning, which is more than I can say for some of my relatives.
Where Upstairs Kevin (so named because his tank is in my upstairs bathroom) really shines is that a lot of Bettas are... Not sociable. They often eat shrimp, attack other fish in their tank (or get stressed out of they can't commit enough violence to maintain their personal space) or constantly harass and nip the snails in their tanks. Most Bettas are genuinely happier being alone.
Kevin fucking loves his snail (Bluebert) and will shimmy as fast as he can over whenever Bluebert falls off something (it's fine, this is a normal way for mystery snails to get from one place to another).
When I had my Nego D'Aguas in the holding tank, I had to put three of the smallest ones in with him because they were being harassed in the small tank, and he was a perfect gentleman with them. He was trying very hard to shoal with them, but they're very zippy. He was visibly upset (lethargic, dulled colors) when I moved them back to the big tank.
Today was the real acid test: I'm going to move him from his 5 gallon to the 10 gallon so I can use the 5 as a hospital/spare plants tank, and I needed to know if I could have shrimp in with him. Even Betta that are cool with other fish can still see a shrimp and decide they're at the buffet. Unfortunately, there's no real way to know without putting shrimp in with the Betta.
So earlier today, I got half a dozen super-discounted Rilli shrimp (LFS has a massive overstock of them for some reason) and added them to his 5 gallon. There are a bunch of hiding places for shrimp in there and if he was aggressive with them I'd move him to the 10 gallon immediately (I don't want to do that just yet because I need to move the furniture around in there a bit).
Friends.
The shrimp are fully swimming in the open and Kevin is just following them around, curious, but only curious. No gill-flaring, no posturing, no lunges or snapping. Some of them are red, a color that normally triggers aggression in Bettas, and he's just. Hanging out, watching them eat biofilm off the moss. One of them accidentally landed on his head and stayed there for 3 seconds and he only went "???" Until it took off again.
My beautiful and perfect and son who is so kind and gentle with his tiny friends.
Pictures that are paintings, to me:
They're both so curious about each other.
(Kitty Fishtank Time is closely supervised and the room is closed off when we're not there. The tank also has a heavy glass lid that covers the whole tank and has anti-kitty safety clips)
Reminds me of my betta! He likes to sit and watch the shrimp the same way I sit and watch the tank. They don't seem to mind, either.
You can also just barely see one of my neon tetras at the top, he's not interested in them like yours is but he'll generally chill in the same area of the tank (and it's a 40 gallon so he has plenty of space to avoid them if he wants to)
LMAO THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DOES. I haven't been able to get a good pic of it because the shrimp are still skittish and nyoom away if my phone gets too close to the tank but like. He watches the shrimp the same way I watch him and I hope it gives him a sense of joy and wonder as well.
big life tips dont be neurodivergent dont be poor dont get in any sort of situation and dont let yourself need or crave
not getting good reports back on your progress with this guys
Hot take but praise is a good tool for encouraging healthy behavior. Positive reinforcement is good. Relying exclusively on punishment to change people's behavior is both cruel and ineffective. If someone does better than they did yesterday, let them know you appreciate it, let them know that they're improving!
"Don't praise anyone for doing the bare minimum" is a shitty take that prioritizes your sense of superiority over the actual betterment of people. I understand that things shouldn't be as bad as they are, and anger can often be justified, but you need to get over the propaganda that kindness is naïve, that cynicism and bitterness are intellectual. Withholding praise from those who haven't caught up with you doesnt actually help them, it doesn't motivate, it doesn't encourage, it only discourages them. It breeds bitterness and apathy, which are antithetical to empathy.
Growth isn't something you do on your own. People need support, they need community. Bootstraps won't get them there. Kindness will. Do you want results or do you just want to feel superior?
!!!!!!!!!!!
This isn't up for debate. We have the studies. Positive reinforcement is far & away the most successful method to not only change behavior but KEEP it changed long term. One of the most important things I learned for my psych degree.

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i think when we used to point out that a story didn't need a sex scene what we meant was "this story reduces its women to mere sex objects and gives them no interiority so the sex scenes are gratuitous and geared towards the male gaze" it wasn't the sex that bothered us per se it was the objectification of female characters while givig them little to no consequence to the overall story but nowadays people mean "sex is icky and gross and has no merit to ever be portrayed in our arts which should be good and pure and never ever make ME feel discomfort" and it's like. i bet a bowl of unfrosted flakes looks real good to you rn
hello I am at my wits end and I need to know something. Do you talk to your mother every day?
Yes
No
No nuance. If you don’t have a mother/are no contact etc this is not a poll for you.
You can elaborate as to how often you feel is a regular amount of communication between an adult child and their mother.
did you know avoidance only makes all of your problems worse. no one has ever discovered this before
I've suspected this for a long time but I usually try not to think about it

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i need to wander in the forest until i find the answer
hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee
"We're just letting [bad thing] happen!" I'm sorry, who is this "we"? Stop blaming everyone for social ills they have no or limited control over, and stop ignoring the people who are working to prevent [bad thing].
I HATE GUILT TRIPPING!!! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! *HITS YOU WITH A TUBE*
No. Climate change is not an exception, and is, in fact, a great counterexample to the guilt tripping doomerism I'm talking about. "We" are not "letting" corporations and whoever get away with exacerbating climate change. There are hundreds of thousands of people actively combating climate change every day and have been for decades. Even if there are millions of people doing nothing about climate change, there is no "we" that encompasses everyone.
Woman murders man in broad daylight
beautiful like to reblog ratio on this
That's because people are reblogging it every time they see it. Like I'm doing right now lmao
my parents’ cat: *lounges* thanks for the big new bed
lilith:
*slithers* thanks for the new clubhouse

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
my parents’ cat: *lounges* thanks for the big new bed
lilith:
*slithers* thanks for the new clubhouse
the situation with harry potter is kind of unprecedented in some ways imo because it is maybe the largest media franchise in history to be created & owned by a single person who still has direct creative control over it. who is also a billionaire with significant cultural/political influence. like the usual "no ethical consumption under capitalism" type excuses shatter on impact when the bigoted author in question is logging onto twitter every day saying explicitly that when you buy the tim hortons ravenclaw donut she is using your donut money to fund the genocide of trans people. like with big franchises usually there's at least a little more diffusion of responsibility than this