Glutenfreekdramas

Video: *plays*

Me:

You’re sitting at a cafe with your friend when suddenly a woman walks in with a toy poodle in her purse. The manager at the counter informs her “I’m sorry, but we do not allow dogs”. She replies with a heavy sigh and a “She’s a service dog. She can come with me”. Not knowing much about service dog law, and worrying about getting sued for asking further questions, he sits this woman down at a booth. There, she promptly unzips her purse and places the dog on the booth seat next to her. When the woman’s food comes out, the little dog begs and she feeds her bits off her plate. This dog is not public access trained, and proceeds to bark at those who walk by. This dog is a nuisance and causes many in the restaurant to complain. The manager cannot do anything but inform the unhappy customers that this is a service dog, so he can’t ask her to leave. In the end, it’s the customers who end up leaving.

Now I walk in with my highly trained service dog pressed against my leg in a perfect heel position, and I’m quickly bombarded by the manager telling me “No dogs! No dogs! We ALL know what happened last time”. Confused, I tell him “This is my medical alert and medical response service dog. Her right to accompany me is protected under federal law.” With a sigh, he seats me at a table far away from others where my dog promptly tucks under my feet, out of sight. When my food arrives my dog is still tucked tightly under the table because she knows she’s not supposed to eat when she’s on duty. She stays there ignoring those who walk past for the remainder of my meal. When we leave, a woman by the door exclaims “Woah, I didn’t know there was a dog here!”

See the difference?

Scenario number two occurs at a local grocery store when a man decides to bring his certified emotional support animal into the store with him. Upon entering he flashes a fancy ID card and certification papers. This dog is not as unruly as the first, but he still forges ahead of his handler, sniffs the food on display, and may seek attention from those who walk past. You find this dog adorable, and when he and his owner walk past you ask to pet him. The owner says yes and explains how all he had to do was go online, register his dog, and a few weeks later they sent him a vest, ID card, and certification papers.

Now I pull into the same grocery store. I’m in a rush to get an ingredient for a dish I’m making so I hurry into the store with my service dog next to me. I’m quickly stopped by a manager who demands to see my service dog’s certification card. Remember, this is NOT required by law, and most real service dog teams don’t have them. After 15 minutes of trying to educate, pulling up the ADA website on my phone, back and forth bickering, and drawing more of a crowd than I want to describe… I’m finally allowed in. I grab my ingredient, stand in line (where my service dog obediently moves between my legs to make space for those around me), and I get bombarded by people asking to pet my dog. I explain that she’s working, she has a very important job to do, and she’s not allowed to be pet while on duty. People walk away grumbling and complaining about how rude I was when other handlers like the man they met earlier allow their dog to be pet.

“National Geographic called me and asked me to write the feminist facts about how The Lion King gets lion pride dynamics all wrong. I happily complied. Lions are matrilineal!! 

When I contacted Craig Packer, one of the world’s leading lion researchers, to talk  about this story he was IMMEDIATELY AVAILABLE. He Skyped me almost instantly from a camp in Kenya and said he’s been waiting for someone to ask him this question since the original film came out.

Anyway, if The Lion King were real, Nala would be the star, Sarabi would be holding her up saying everything the light touches is our kingdom, Simba would have left and never come back, and when Nala got old enough Sarabi would have carved out a territory for her to rule.”

- Erin Biba‏ 

In real life, Simba’s mom would be running the pride

“Reasons men gave for lecturing me on lion pride social structure and telling me one of the world’s leading lion researchers is wrong (I am not kidding these are real): -Watched The Lion King DVD extras -Read a textbook 25 years ago -Has been to the zoo -Everyone just knows

If you ever wondered what it’s like to be a woman that communicates science, this is what it’s like. Any expertise you or your sources may have gained over decades of hard work are null and void because someone watched a DVD extra 25 years ago.”

Temeraire: Dragon emancipation.

Temeraire: Granby, I cannot find Laurence!

Granby: Don't fret, Temeraire, I'll handle this

Granby: *cups hands round mouth* Everyone knows what they say about aviators!

Laurence: YOU ARE OFFENSIVE SIR WITHDRAW YOUR REMARK

—

Throne of Jade- Naomi Novik

Imagine giving the birds and the bees talk to a 20 ton dragons.

Another Temeraire+Iskierka lovechild doodle.

Taking a quick detour from the headshots. Have a baby Kulingile, aka the blimp. I’ll draw adult Kulingile later.

Here’s another dumb Temeraire comic, a follow-up to This One.