me

please tell me this isnt real are you okay oh my god

no way dude hes gonna suck my dang blood out

no pea only wet with vague taste of pea

i only understood about 30% of what they said

Watched a kid in line ahead of me at the store get rung up and the cashier said “your total is 18.41” and without missing a beat the kid said “ah, the year I was born” and the cashier stopped and was like “I’m... sorry???”

stop putting the damn “what happens in your head when you do math” post on my dash. you know what happens in my head when i see a math problem? my eyes go blank and stupid horse starts playing somewhere

why is he sitting like a 14th century monarch

he is one

it has been over two years and i still dont understand meat clown. i have been contacted and notified that this ad has appeared in other parts of the pacific northwest. i dont know who he is but he haunts me

Can’t believe this legendary post managed to get better

I haven’t listened to the audio, because it’s too perfect seeing characters emotionally move their mouth with tears while being completely silent.

You…. you REALLY need to listen to the audio though.

chris fleming is funny because he looks like someone forced a jc penney mannequin to watch sex and the city 57 times in a row and left it on the front doorstep of a gay bar, but you listen to him talk and recount his experiences and he sounds like arthur dent discovering that he's bi at 31, like i could hit chris fleming with a sledgehammer and he'd get up and be like "well what the fuck is this, a home depot?"

hey so were y'all gonna tell me chris fleming had a tumblr or was i just supposed to find that out that he reblogged this after waking up from a 5 hour nap like some sort of groggy soon-to-be-hired on the spot court jester

I don’t have anxiety but some of my followers might

I have anxiety and I can say that this is awesome

This helps me whenever I’m angry, stressed or even having a small anxiety attack. Hope you all can find use in these amazing websites too :3

ahhh, yes thank you!! this’ll be super helpful for whenever i’m really feeling it, and i hope some of my followers find it helpful too.

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren't spicy???

Regular pine needles are regular

Not by rosemary standards

...Have you eaten pine needles?

We've been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I've eaten pine needles or not

I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume

Of course I've eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best

You know, I'd love to tell you but I'm pretty unclear about what marks the difference between "spice" and "strong-tasting plant that isn't considered a spice"

I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out

Ok but it only counts if they're PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree

I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see

Please Don't Do That

Needle-Like Leaf Roulette

...I'll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.

I can try very hard not to

Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don't have the sheath thing

It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves

Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life

this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

Can haz snackytreat