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#extradirty

if i look back, i am lost

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@glittersugarcookie
š£š£sushi for life

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therapy has been leaving me exhausted lately. we've been talking through a lot of hard things, and i can feel the weight of it long after the session ends. i'm balancing my internship, working retail, and pet/house sitting this summer, which honestly feels beyond ambitious for me, but i'm really proud of myself for getting this far.
there are days when i don't know how i'm doing it all, but having my own money reminds me that i'm getting closer to the independence i've always wanted. i'm learning that success isn't just the pretty moments, it's showing up even when you're tired, answering emails, working long shifts, driving from one responsibility to the next, and still finding time to take care of yourself.
lately i'm trying to be gentler with myself: journaling more, making sure i actually eat, taking a breath in between stories at my internship, and finding little pockets of peace wherever i can. healing isn't always glamorous, but i'm trying. one soft day at a time. š·āØš
Ėāā§ź°į ā” ą»ź± ā§āĖ
long blonde hair ā pink gloss ā vanilla perfume ā flowers by my bed ā money in my account ā soft heart ā prettier every day
itās funny⦠i stopped trying to convince people of my worth, and suddenly everything i had been wishing for started finding me instead. now iām living the kind of life i used to romanticize. soft. beautiful. abundant. āæ
i always knew this life would find me. ššŖ½āØ
lifeās been on repeat constantly, but the random side quests i take to mix things up are enjoyable.
iām genuinely so happy lately. i feel like iām in such a good place and iām really proud of myself and everything iāve worked for. itās not always easy when you come from environments that arenāt the most supportive, but iāve learned how to make the best of what i have and keep moving forward anyway.
iām busy all the time between my internship and work, but honestly i love it. iām making over $6,000 from my internship this summer, building experience, and creating opportunities for myself. and when i do get downtime, i appreciate it so much more.
i feel beautiful. iām confident. my hair is long and blonde, i feel good in my own skin, and for the first time in a long time i feel like iām becoming the person iāve always wanted to be.
of course i still have days where i get discouraged, but deep down i always know everything works out the way itās supposed to. iāve learned to trust myself, trust the process, and trust that there is a plan for me. somehow things always fall into place.
and honestly, iām thankful for everyone who doubted me, talked down to me, underestimated me, or made me question myself. every negative comment, every setback, every disappointment just became fuel. every time i was knocked down, i came back stronger.
iām grateful for the good karma, the opportunities, the people who love me, and the version of myself iāve fought so hard to become. life feels really good right now, and i hope i never forget how lucky i am.

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starting my first internship tmrw, definitely feeling discouraged and intimidated. but i manifested this exact opportunity and feel so incredibly grateful and privileged. it will set me far ahead of so many of my peers and i will gain so much hands on experience. i am so proud of myself and so happy im in the damn room. thank you universe iām such a lucky girl
i genuinely think one of the fastest ways to make me spiral is poor communication because why am i bending over backwards to ask questions, clarify plans, check in, and communicate like an actual adult meanwhile everyone else is moving like a cryptic side quest npc. like just tell me whatās going on?? stop wasting my time making me decode vibes and mixed signals and half answers. if you know you canāt commit to something SAY THAT. if plans changed SAY THAT. iām tired of feeling like i have to chase basic clarity from people who swear they ācommunicateā meanwhile iām the one left confused, inconvenienced, and irritated for no reason.
blonde š±š»āāļø
store bought sushi and shitty reality tv
my new ink šŖ·āØ

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being home for the summer again feels so weird but in a comforting way. iām trying to relearn all the dynamics of family, work, balancing everything, and figuring out who i even am outside of survival mode. i feel like iām in such a huge transition phase right now. like something big is shifting in my life and there are so many new beginnings and opportunities coming, even if i canāt fully see them yet.
itās honestly hard staying positive when thereās still so much negativity around me, but iām trying really hard to push through it instead of letting it consume me. i finally blocked the old roommate who made this past year miserable for me and i think that was the final thing i needed to do to fully close that chapter. iām done carrying old energy into new seasons of my life.
right now i just want peace, growth, good memories, healing, late night drives, summer air, vegas trips, and people who genuinely want the best for me. trying to trust that better things are on the way and that this summer is the start of something really beautiful.
i keep seeing robins everywhere lately⦠like way more than usual. every time i walk outside thereās one nearby, or iāll notice one right when iām thinking about something random. idk if it actually means anything or if itās just the season, but it feels weirdly noticeable. part of me wonders if thereās some kind of significance to it, or if itās just one of those little patterns your brain starts picking up on. either way itās kinda comforting to see them so often.
anyone calling justin bieberās coachella set ālazyā is literally missing the business side of what heās doing. he sold his publishing and artist royalties to hipgnosis in 2023 and umg owns the masters, so every minute he spends performing the old catalog is basically him working to put money in other peopleās pockets. playing the youtube videos was actually smart, no band, no backup singers, barely any production costs, but fans still got baby, sorry, beauty and a beat, never say never⦠all the nostalgia with none of the overhead. and he saved his real performance energy for swag, which makes sense if you actually pay attention. plus he was literally discovered uploading videos to youtube as a kid, so a laptop on the main stage is one of the most on-brand, intimate, full-circle things he couldāve done. this is also his first real era with no scooter, new team, new business structure, full control over his career, a completely new chapter where he gets to do things his way. if you didnāt like it thatās fine, but calling it lazy just proves you donāt understand the strategy behind it⦠and honestly, you might just not be a belieber.
alexa play midnight sun by zara larsson

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as crazy as it sounds i like to think and feel i have what it takes to be a victoria secret angel. itās been a life long dream of mine. itās always seemed like an unattainable role. but i fully believe i could soooo them having open casting calls is a dream come true. should i or should i not. please universe give me a sign to let me know if this is something to consider!
love when your thinking youāre running late for your 9am but the gods bless you by making your professor run even later š š¼ so itās fine