Glitter Coach

Importance and Practicalities of Patient Counseling in the Prevention and Management of Genital Herpes - Terri Warren (via suffered-in-silence)

There is a difference! One is on your face, and the other comes with a massively bad reputation because our culture is terrified of sex and any of its potential consequences aside from babies born to married couples who make enough money that they never have to ask for help. The difference is the stigma that comes with genital herpes, or any STD, and that stigma is far more harmful to the people diagnosed with HSV than is the condition itself. The CDC doesn’t recommend regular screening for HSV in sexually active persons unless they have symptoms, because knowing you have it can cause adverse psychological effects that are more harmful than having it and being oblivious to it, even thought that ignorance means the person in question may unknowingly expose other people.

Nobody differentiated between oral and genital herpes until the 1960’s. The stigma surrounding genital herpes was manufactured by major pharmaceutical companies in the 1970’s and 1980’s, because nobody was buying their anti-viral medications. They had to make the condition shameful before people would buy products to deal with it, the same way they made it shameful people to sweat or smell like they do (so they’d buy antiperspirant) or have body hair (so they’d buy razors). It’s also worth noting that one person’s oral herpes can be spread to another person’s genitals through oral sex, so all your friend really needs to do to give somebody this enormously different condition is go down on them.

Living with herpes.  Man, that’s a tough one.  Sometimes, it is the most inconsequential part of my life.  I practically forget that I have it, because doesn’t make too many guest appearances.  

Then, one day you wake up and your back and testicles have this dull ache in them, like you got punched in the kidneys the day before and you know the storm, it’s a-comin’.  Only, even then, it’s not the worst thing in the world.  A couple sores that resemble pimples.  They just last a little longer and end up itching.  No big deal.  

I have had this for over three years and I can honestly say that the most embarassing/painful/shitty part is the stigma.  The worry that no one will ever be able to get past that with you in pursuing a new relationship.  That your friends & family will find out.  That your life is over.  I am here to tell you that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.  Sure, I still get depressed sometimes over it and it is incredibly easy to feel like damaged goods.  An STD means you’re a slut and a stupid one, at that, right?  WRONG.  An STD just means “shit happens.”  Honestly, think of how much worse it could have been!

As for the relationship thing, it might be the best thing that ever happened to you.  It’s an immediate litmus test for weeding out people that aren’t worth your time.  I won’t tell you it isn’t scary telling people about HSV and waiting for their response.  It’s terrifying.  But like anything, it gets easier with time.  Plus, you learn to love yourself.  You take better care of your body.  You eat healthier.  You learn that you don’t need anyone else to feel complete.  You learn that if someone immediately decides not to be with you as a result of this, their feelings were not reciprocated and they would have bailed eventually anyways.  I have been single for six months and have grown by leaps and bounds since then.  I appreciate myself in a way that I never did before.  

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.

Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?” 

This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that. 

AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-

“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.

Turns out it was triple negative breast cancer that had spread to her lymph nods. Mastectomy, radiation and chemo saved her life.

This could SAVE a life.

Goldman Sachs has officially announced that it will cap interns’ days at 17 hours, meaning interns are encouraged to go home by midnight and not arrive before 7 a.m. At the beginning of June, Goldman Sachs took on around 2,900 summer interns.

So three years ago I had an awesome threesome with a friend and her old pal from catholic school. We met up a few times, fucked, chilled ect. Well the guy (I call him archer)

Why?

Because by my societal rules you can have no more than 3 lacrosse photos of yourself in your own bedroom.

period.

that’s too much.

I have to make fun of you.

Well he went off to school in Italy and has been hollering at me ever since.

He came back to the states we had casual sex, but I wouldn’t be his ‘girlfriend’. Cause honestly I found him to be a emotionally weak man. (Which is totally cool, just not my jam).

I don’t do weak men.

Any who, In December I started going on some dates, and went on a few with this guy. I’m going to call him black beard.

Black beard runs into archer, and explains that I broke things off with him.

Archer says he knows me, and not to be bummed… and tells him that I have herpes.

                        HOMEBOY IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE.

                                                        But guess what…..

                            My sexy friend ALREADY KNEW.

                                                   HAH!

  SUCK IT!

Vindictive bitch.

And this is why you always disclose.

Assuming makes an ass out of you… never me.

  I’m too busy being fabulous.

Xoxo,

I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.

He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.

I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.

I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.

“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.

One year ago today I received at the time what I thought was pretty devastating news: 

“You have herpes simplex 2″  “

“Oh so I have shingles?” 

“No you have genital herpes.” 

Obviously as you can see I will NEVER forget it.  

With that being said and year one under my belt, I couldn't be more grateful for the person that I have turned into since my diagnosis.

Better, stronger, wiser and sexier than ever!  

I can’t thank my family (that know), my friends (that know) and the entire H community for their love and support.  

It all really means the world to me and you all (esp the H community) have been so influential in helping me accept my diagnosis as well as helping guide me in my development as a person over the last year and for that I can’t thank you enough. 

I feel like I finally found my voice in something that desperately needs as many strong voices as possible and the fact that I can, try and do help people whenever I can is something that is priceless to me. I love you all so much.