POLYBIUS

I feel like there are trauma reactions that we are very hush hush about because we’re afraid of other people judging us.  there are survivors who crave abuse because it is all they know there are survivors who crave getting beat up and called every horrible name there are survivors who age regress there are hypersexual survivors  there are survivors who’s trauma has left them with kinks they are ashamed of there are survivors who fantasize about being raped, about reliving their trauma there are survivors who want their abuser to die, and there are survivors who would die for their abuser trauma reactions can be messy and ugly, because trauma is a messy and ugly thing. this does not mean we support abuse, but rather, our bodies and minds had to adapt and cope.  people respond to trauma differently. we are not Bad Survivors.

my chest hurts thinking about how badly I've messed up my life, how destroyed my brain is, how I'll never be good enough ever again