give me your herbs, worm

the mystery bruises you're getting aren't from anemia or something stupid like that. they're from me. i go into your house while you're asleep and softly hit you with hammers until i am satisfied

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

the more you twist yourself into a pretzel to avoid regret the harder it will hit when it eventually catches up to you.

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

I love it when people describe something that's too big as "fuck off". like this thing is so large. leave.

dude why do you have The Killer as your emergency contact

everyone always says ‘reach out, make connections’ but ohhhh once you do they have notes ohhh I see how it is. I’m gonna hang out with MY FRIEND under the BOARDWALK at MIDNIGHT.

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

How about Other people start worrying about how I perceive them