your father likes my lifestyle

i am so anxious about my future. i know literally everyone is but yeah. i am terrified that i won’t get a job within the designated date range, and that i’ll be deported. thinking about the possibility of leaving my life, my friends, and the love of my goddamn life, to go back to living in my childhood bedroom thousands of miles away makes me want to vomit. i don’t see how a company would hire me, and even if they did i cannot fathom why they’d ever sponsor my visa. i’m always scared. i’m always worried. and then sometimes like right now i just panic. i hate that i inflict this on other people. i hate that david and amber have to worry about it too. i hate that borders exist. i hate that i won’t feel certain about any of this for another entire year. i just want this to be over. i want to skip to four years from now. i wanna be living with david and our dog in a nice clean apartment full of ikea furniture. i wanna be working somewhere safe and boring during the day and planning our wedding during the night. i wanna be calm and healthy and happy.

i really cannot believe how satisfying my sex life currently is. not just about getting off regularly but it’s so good in ways i never thought about. quality eye contact, and getting kissed all over immediately post-orgasm, and feeling his heart pounding against my chest. today i literally begged for dick while getting fingered and got told “no, later” and it was the hottest thing i could conceive of in that moment