I got that ghoul in me

I think the secret to warding off evil spirits is being even scarier than them.... The other night I woke up suddenly at 3am, and saw a grinning shadow spirit hanging right over me. I wasn't scared at all, just instinctively grinned back and said, "Fuck off." Bro dissipated immediately. Thinking of it now, I'd feel freaked out if I were him lol

This is the secret to being a witch. Horror film are a lie. You can stare anything supernatural in the face and tell it to Fuck Off and it will. If it doesn’t, punch it.

Please don't punch the creatures.

So hungry I could eat a specific mutual

Anyone want to vanish into the woods and become local cautionary folktales with me

I go to New York next weekend to pretend to die a lot (siege of Fort Niagara. Bad time to be French), and I met the consul-general of France earlier this month.

It's one of those days where I badly want a kitty cat. Preferably an evil one.

Years ago there was a cat who frequented my parking lot. He was very big and very friendly, I named him Caliburn. Still regret not taking him inside.

kids these days dont even know the difference between a blunt and a joint

Blunt is what happens when you don't take care of your sword and a joint is what you rip meat off of with your teeth DUH

It occurs to me that all the world's problems would be solved if you people would simply elect me as god-king.

What's your plan for the billionaires?

Big pit. No ladder.