Gonna put tea in your socks

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

Let me murmur in your heart

you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

thank god some sumerian editor wasn't all "gay shit doesn't sell"

@actually-a-bread-loaf

Once again everyone has gotten tired of the usual dinner rotation and once again I somehow need to think of new dinner options for a group of picky eaters with so many food sensitivities

I'm very very glad that my knee-jerk, gut-feeling, primal-instinct reaction to seeing a Default Influencer is embarrassment. I think this saves me from a lot of bullshit.

To be clear ☝️, absolutely not gender-exclusive. Some broccoli-haired shirtless 23-year-old man on enough trenbolone to euthanize a different horse starts talking about how to be a high-value male and I start thinking instantly about how I'd have 4,000 slugs use me as a jungle-gym before I'd want this man within cootie-contagion distance of me.

damn babe your skin is so smooth it could be a hypothetical frictionless surface in a physics textbook

Living in a conservative part of a blue state and watching tv during an election year is really trippy because nationally people are like oh you’re all liberals over there you don’t know what it’s like living in a conservative area but then the local attack ads are like my opponent wants to be NICE to ILLEGALS and the RADICAL TRANS AGENDA and BURN DOWN POLICE STATIONS. You should vote for ME. I will SHOOT immigrants PERSONALLY in THE STREET. I am a former NAVY SEAL. BARK BARK.

dude star wars is so good and/or bad and/or mediocre sometimes, depending

Ohh so that's why they called that one show Andor

I really don’t like when a book advertises itself as fantasy or scifi with maybe some romance on the side and then it turns out to just be a romance with some fantasy or scifi wallpaper. Fine if you wanna read that but I don’t. Stop having sex and kill the dragon already. This is false advertising.

I signed up for political intrigue and aliens but instead you’re just having therapy speak sex with a human man. Where’s the aliens???? Kill something!

“I’ve discovered some new passages of the Bible that say you go to hell if you’re JD Vance and superhell if you are capitalizing off the AI boom.” and the pope is right

I think there's already enough passages pls stop finding new ones