Dom$

i know it's hard, when you're dating someone and it's fresh and new and exciting, and they seem different, to not get attached. it sounds like you guys went on a couple of dates. great dates. but you can't judge a person off of knowing them for a few weeks. you can't say they are consistent when you haven't known them long enough to demonstrate their commitment to you.

all the conversations about how a man needs to protect and provide comes off so hollow to me because a man’s ability to provide and protect is impacted and limited or amplified based on their character. it’s the difference between a man who provides and manipulates/controls his partner, or a man who when he can’t provide because he lost his job acts in a way that’s disrespectful to your relationship. 

there’s not enough talk about character and integrity in a man

It’s not unrealistic. My husband and I are very passionate and honest about it watching porn. We both have history with watching porn and a shared belief that it damaged the way we saw sex. My husband has an accountability group of men he talks to where they support eachother. I don’t have access to the group out of respect for his privacy but I think it’s great. They even have group phone calls to check in.

This Mother’s Day I hit a low. And I decided it was finally time to talk to a therapist about medication.

I met with my therapist Friday, a nurse practitioner Saturday and got a prescription for Wellbutrin Sunday.

Today is my first day taking it. It typically takes 2-3 weeks to work. I don’t know how it will impact me.

I am proud of myself for asking for help. Me from 10 years ago would have the mindset that i deserve to struggle because struggle builds character.

But I’m exhausted. I’m tired of fighting just to get to almost ok. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’m entitled to God’s peace. It was time to take the resources and the support I have and invest in my wellness.

For us it’s a mix of just having standard chores that make sense, and then we do it based on who prefers to do what. So for the former, that’s looks like I do the cooking so he does the clean up after I cook. It also looks like if I have a busy day he does some extra chores he doesn’t ordinarily do, and vice versa. It looks like I wash the clothes he folds the clothes.

I do not have to explain myself

I do not have to accommodate other people’s feelings

Tomorrow they are celebrating mothers at church

I’m not going

After they are having a dinner celebrating my pregnant sister in law and my husband’s mother

I’m not going

And I’m not explaining why

And I’m not apologizing

I’m spending Mother’s Day doing a spa day for myself

Mothers have enough people celebrating them

I don’t need to reminded that I was a mother but I am no longer

I’m spending the day taking care of me

And of course spending time with MY mother

But I’m not torturing myself tomorrow so I can be seen as supportive

Here is my unsolicited marriage advice

1. Marry someone who is in love with marriage, not just in love with you. Marry someone who holds the bonds of marriage in high regard and who wants excellence for the both of you. Marry someone who is excited to be in a couples book club and who loves having you as their spouse. Marry someone who understands the value and work required for marriage, who knew they valued marriage BEFORE THEY MET YOU

2. Marry someone who has a good family and community. Marry someone who has friends and family who sees you as family. Marry someone surrounded by people who they loves and respects, who love and respects them. Marry someone with a team of people to hold them accountable.

3. Marry someone who doesn’t take life too seriously. Marry someone who knows the bad times will come but who chooses to live in the joy.

4. Marry someone you can depend on. Marry someone who you have no doubt will be there for you. Without question without complaint. Marry someone who wants the best for you and who is willing to give you their best.

5. Marry someone who you don’t have to beg to apologize. Marry someone who understands the best apology is changed behavior. Marry someone who doesn’t double down when they are wrong.

6. Marry someone who respects your opinions. Marry someone who will call you, just to hear your perspective. Marry someone who will take your needs into account before making a decision.

7. Marry someone you feel proud to call your partner. Who you admire and respect. Marry someone who you’re in awe of. Marry someone who impresses you. Marry someone who teachers you new things