Alright I’m just gunna start typing
I was having a really good week last week
I moved, got a job, wasn’t getting distracted, I was on track and stuff
He’s 38, has 3 kids, airplane technician, VERY intelligent
I’ve known him for a while and he moved away earlier this year for work
After he moved is when we established interest in each other
So on Friday (4? Days ago) he invited me to come visit him in Myrtle Beach and on a whim- AFTER MIDNIGHT- I got in the car and spent 3 1/2 hours driving to him
The whole time, I was like “you shouldn’t be doing this, it’s a bad idea, you’re gunna get hurt”
Not because I think he’d do something wrong, but because I WILL
I have severe attachment issues and I’m prone to hurting myself by allowing my emotions to get the best of me and it doesn’t help that we’ve somewhat jokingly talked about marriage and stuff like that, so I’m already like 😳
I’ve also been in multiple physically and emotionally abusive relationships so I’ve learned to read into EVERYTHING as a red flag
So anyways... the weekend was perfect. I had an amazing time. I mean really, almost no complaints.
So I reluctantly leave Sunday night and everything, yada yada, and I’m good. Great. Heart happy.
An hour after I get home, brain is like “You know what this means, right?
“Do you think he’s started losing interest yet?”
“He probably doesn’t want to see you again”
NO, he invited me back next weekend!
“Psh yeah but he didn’t mean it”
And it goes on like this, regardless of anything that could tell me I’m just self-sabotaging.
He made sure I got home safe on Sunday night, and checked in with me yesterday, too.
Then today, our friends bailed on the plans to go up there this weekend. I ran it by him and he says that next weekend might be better anyways bc he might have to work this weekend. Reasonable, right?
“He’s avoiding you already”
“I bet they’ll just go up to see him without you”
Next thing I know, I’m reading too far into everything he says and the logical part of my brain is telling me that none of what I’m seeing is real
I’m thinking “He doesn’t use emojis in messages but he does in statuses. You remember that study about emojis, right? The one about conveying interest/investment in the conversation and it also dating more successfully?”
And logic brain: Yeah, but he’s also quite a lot older than you and probably doesn’t communicate with people in that way
“True, but what about him only saying ‘ok’ to me when I said I’d request time off for next weekend?
... he was just saying “ok”... besides, he’s probably trying to play it cool, just like you
“I hate it! I feel like he already likes me less.”
He literally JUST liked the photo you posted as bait lmao tf you mean
“Yeah but maybe he just likes the way I look”
You’ve had deep, psychological conversations with this man. He values your intelligence.
“He hasn’t said that though!”
I need help. Like I need to see a therapist or something because this is bad. This isn’t just someone I’m interested in casually and I don’t wanna fuck it up with my craziness. I have a horrible habit of pressing and pushing until the buttons fall off and things stop working, if you get what I mean. And struggling with attachment issues makes it 100x worse.
Clearly I recognize the behavior but I have trouble stopping myself. What the fuck do I do to get myself to stop thinking about him and being a psycho?
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