Nerd Stuff, and the shit I like

millennials:

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for folks in office jobs:

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— the 1909 play Beauty and the Beast:  Fantasy in Two Acts by Fernand Noziere, the very first published version of the story where the Beauty is disappointed when the Beast transforms into a human at the end. (via corseque)

1909.  This isn’t a Millenial thing.  Their grannies even wanted to fuck The Beast.

“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”

George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.

It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.

“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.

“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.

boy: oral exam huh ;) ;) ;)

me:

Condoms are only 98% effective when used correctly.

Sugar can cause infections in the vagina. This means things like chocolate sauce, honey, and lubricants with glycerin can be harmful.

Having sex with an intoxicated person is legally rape in most US states, even if the person verbally consents. In the eyes of the law, drugs and alcohol impair your ability to consent to sex.

Unprotected anal sex is the most dangerous sex act when it comes to spreading STIs.

Not everyone can climax from oral sex or even likes oral sex. Don’t assume—ask your partner what they want!

Condoms expire! Check the date on the wrapper. Also, storing them in wallets is not a good idea (see #8)

If someone with a vagina has unprotected anal sex, semen can drip down into the vagina and pose a (slight, but still real) risk for pregnancy.

Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.

You should be tested for STIs with each new partner you have. Annual appointments are not enough protection if you have multiple partners in that time.

Having anal sex does not lead to a gaping asshole unless your partner is literally an elephant.

Sex with elephants is illegal. Don’t do that.

Masturbating while wearing a condom can help people with penises get used to wearing them before sex.

Penis size does not define your worth. It is not the be-all, end-all factor for most people.

In fact, lots of people with large penises have trouble having sex without hurting their partner since the average vagina size is 6”-8” when aroused (it’s only 3”-4” when not aroused!).

Your first time will almost definitely not be your best time. That’s okay, I promise.

Herpes and pubic lice can still infect you if a condom is used if testicles come in contact with a vuvla.

Only one out of three people can orgasm from receiving vaginal penetration alone. You’re not broken.

People with penises can orgasm without ejaculating.

The muscles in a vagina can be abnormally tense and cause intense pain when penetrated with a toy, penis, or tampon. This is called vaginismus and treatment for this includes relaxation therapy and using medical rods to help the muscles relax.

The number of sexual partners you have does not define you. This rule applies to all genders.

A diet of lots of dairy and meat can cause ejaculate to taste bad. Fruits that are very sweet (like pineapple) help combat this for some people. However, due to body chemistry, medications, and other factors, it might not always do the trick.

Dental dams make oral sex with someone with a vulva safer. They are thin sheets of latex and can be home-made by cutting the ends off a condom and slitting it lengthwise to make a alternative option if you don’t have access to dental dams.

The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in it. That’s twice that of a penis! So, go gently until encouraged to do otherwise.

Sex does not have to stop when someone ejaculates. Remove any condoms or clean up any mess, and keep going until everyone is satisfied!

Communication is the number one factor to a better, healthier sex life.

The hymen is not a bone, and does not break. It is a membrane layer that stretches. It can tear, which can lead to pain and bleeding. However, sex for the first time (or ever!) should never hurt. Go slower and focus on foreplay to increase natural lubrication.

Sexuality is fluid for a lot of people. Don’t worry about labels until you’re sure in your sexual and romantic interests. Explore freely and worry about terms later.

Orgasms release hormones that are natural pain-killers. This is why some menstruating people masturbate when they have cramps, because the body naturally reduces pain after an orgasm.

The hormones released also account for why some people cry or get very emotional after an intense orgasm. It’s totally normal.

There are limitless kinks in the world and so long as they are safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with them.

Medications and mental health disorders can mess with your sex drive. Talk to your doctor if your sex drive has suddenly increased or decreased after starting a medication—there may be alternatives.

There is nothing “un-manly” or “gay” about enjoying anal play. Most men who try anal enjoy a little sensation in that area. People with penises also have a p-spot (prostate) and can have intense orgasms through anal penetration.

Always use lubrication generously to avoid vaginal or anal tearing.

Urinating after sex can reduce the risk of a UTI in people with vaginas.

Enjoying casual sex does not make you a bad person if you are up-front with your intentions and don’t maliciously seek to hurt others.

Condoms come in multiple sizes! It should never be loose or painfully tight.

Being sex-positive does not mean that everyone needs to enjoy sex. It simply promotes the happiness and sexual exploration (or non-exploration) of others.

Porn is not an educational guide to sex.

Certain positions feel better than others. Switch it up and find out what works for you and your partner(s).

Condoms are more likely to break if you don’t leave a reservoir tip for ejaculate.

Labia are often asymmetrical. Your long/uneven/poofy/dark labia are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with your body.

Up to 80% of people with a vagina can squirt with either g-spot or clitoral stimulation.

Drug store pregnancy tests are just as effective as brand name ones. In some cases, they’re even MORE effective.

Elevating your butt with pillows can make missionary sex easier for those of us with a big tummy or thick thighs.

Plan B does not work on people over a certain weight (160-175lbs).

There are safe alternatives to condoms or oral contraceptives. Talk to your doctor about your options.

Sex toys can open up a whole new world to folks willing to explore.

Orgasms can be highly psychological. Most people can’t climax when they’re upset or distracted.

Birth control can cause people to miss periods or spot in between periods.

Sex doesn’t have to be gentle if you don’t want it to be. There are healthy ways to explore rough sex or BDSM.