Till We Have Faces

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

johnny cash's little brother jimmy pennies is 3 inches tall and has a voice only dogs can hear

"hogwash" still one of the best words ever. this shit is so unbelievable its pig water

Women light up the world. That's why it's called Broad daylight.

Trying to join a big Discord server when you're not really that familiar with Discord servers somehow manages to combine the social anxiety of trying to make new friends or ordering at a fancy new coffeeshop for the first time with the general chaos and technical barriers to entry of an MMO. I shuffle up to the counter and go "Um, hey, can I get---" only for someone named ☽ 𝓖𝓸𝓫𝓵𝓲𝓷 𝓕𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓻 ☾ [👑 Mod] [👺 Dark Wizard] [♣︎ BUNT] [🔮 Pengis Time 2022] • he/him to manifest in a cloud of bisexual coloured animated lightning, turning me instantly to dust and then announcing to the shop at large "Hey guys, please remember to read the #2026-updated-rules-terms-and-conditions and choose your role before you speak, also remember that ordering should go in #ordering-drinks, #ordering-cakes, or #ordering-a-cake-and-a-drink, unless you're 🔉just-using-the-bathroom. Thanks"

yeah actually we removed the big bad wolf from the little red riding hood story because portraying violence against minors is really messed up. yeah. yeah also the wolf narrative was really predatory and had had some icky grooming vibes and a fable meant for literal children shouldn’t have implied p*do shit and grape so now little red riding hood goes into the woods and nothing happens and she goes to grandma’s house. don’t worry our kids will still stick to the path and know not to follow to wolves implicitly because we told them to and children should always do as their told. just like little red riding hood does now.

just put my joint out on the open mind of a child searing it and instantly destroying his ability to dream or imagine. sad but i don't care