im normal and sane i promise

I'd devour you whole if you'd let me.

i like it when people compliment me. i like it... when people like me. (looks around to make sure nobody is about to shoot me)

i’m fixing him [wet squelching noises]

my hope is for you to think i am cute and charming while also unsettling. it does bring me a little joy for someone to think i’m a little creepy or unsettling i cannot lie

My stupid poser kidnapper wants to show me my missing person's poster but I don't think they do those any more and I kept saying this but they wouldn't listen until they wordlessly handed me a printout of a bbc article talking about it. They want to compose a ransom note with newspaper type but don't know how to buy newspapers as someone under 60 without looking suspicious. The other day I saw in the fridge a carton of oat milk with a home-printed photo of me obviously taken by them awkwardly glued to the side. I don't even get a basement. This is a one-bedroom flat.