The Kindest Dragon

Men read about my beliefs and attitudes and ask me where They can get a female or slave like me.  Guess, what?  You can’t.

i am not a ready-made commodity You can pick off a shelf at Kmart or Wallmart.  i am someone who evolved over time.  To get a slave like me, You need to find someone like who i was 10 years ago and be willing to put in the time and energy to help her evolve into someone like me, or someone not like me, as suits You.

i did not start out here, i ended up here.  And the well kept secret is, 9 out of 10 submissives, deep down want to end up here as well.  They want to be able to say ‘yes’ to everything You ask because they have come to know and trust You that deeply.  They want to lay on the floor at Your feet, with Your foot on their neck and just surrender to melting into the floor and being.  They want to be all of everything to You, in every way You could ever want and more.

But that is not how they will turn up to meet You.  Even i don’t turn up to meet someone that way.  They will hold it back, keep it hidden because they need to trust You first.

As for someone like me, i have fought personal battles.  i have been through hell and back and brought a truck load of crap with me.  i have scars You cannot see and more hidden mines than a rice field in Vietnam.  

For me to kneel at someone’s feet, i need to know You are stronger than i am, because i’ve carried that crap around a long time, i’m very strong myself.  i’ve worked through some, am working through some and am yet to discover what some of it might be.  i need to know You can handle whatever i can throw at You because i don’t know what i have to throw.  i need to be able to open my bag of crap for You to see inside and know You won’t look at me horrified and run away.  i need to know You can handle it.

A female is not vulnerable when she lies naked.  She is not vulnerable when she is lies tied and naked.  A female is vulnerable when she opens that bag of crap and lets You look inside.

Can You handle all that?  Can You look in my bag and not shudder?  Can You not only accept i have that bag, but take it from me and still find me acceptable?  

I am sure many people in this lifestyle regularly get the questions of ‘how do I find…’ or ‘how do I become…?’ - Always based on an assumption that one can discover ‘over-night’ results - an A to Z roadmap to easily create or become a submissive.

There are no magic tricks, wands, potions, which change a person from one thing to another. A Dom cannot command, order or instruct submission; not in a sense of of absolute control (well not with depth, meaning and mutual satisfaction). There are no instant switches, where a submissive person simply responds to a Dom by default…not with her mind anyway.

A D/s or M/s relationship is an investment in time, patience and learning. Each is as unique as a fingerprint. A submissive person needs to trust, and commonly they find this harder than most. Once established, it still needs to be maintained (it is delicate and often easily broken). So as the author of the initial post clearly stated…if you want to partner with a sub/slave be prepared to go on a committed journey of joint growth and troubles. Accept it will be a challenging evolution over many, many years, which will see the submissive form and settle (if YOU get it right and succeed; If you are good enough and are able to offer more than you take).

Hence, as so succinctly positioned above as an answer to “how do you find a sub/slave?” I fully agree, realistically you can’t. Submissive traits may be present in a person, but they aren’t something you can expect to be shared. One can always misuse an another person’s insecurities to get sex and feel dominant, but that is not what D/s is about. Power has to be exchanged not taken.

Submissive Saturday

This is a beautifully written, poignant perspective from @kneeledbeauty and response by @master2submissiveslave. Sometimes D/s can be a little bit of a tug of war - an opening of vulnerability followed by a pulling back.  This can even be magnified if a “hunter/prey” dynamic exists.  

What cannot be forced or drawn out, though, is willingness.  @kneeledbeauty writes of the willingness of the Dominant to see past the submissive’s fears: 

Can You handle all that?  Can You look in my bag and not shudder?  Can You not only accept i have that bag, but take it from me and still find me acceptable?  

That is what all submissives secretly desire.  That is what will get You a devoted, loving submissive or slave.

She writes from a position of willingness, desiring to be what she is today and willing to open to her Dominant as he proves his trust.  Her openness, her continuing to stay in the relationship and surrender bit by bit shows her Dominant that his trust in her is well placed.

@master2submissiveslave’s response

Submissive traits may be present in a person, but they aren’t something you can expect to be shared. One can always misuse an another person’s insecurities to get sex and feel dominant, but that is not what D/s is about. Power has to be exchanged not taken.

Go the long route if you are genuine, find the seed and nourish and nurture with all the goodness needed for it to naturally flourish in time. Weather the storms and consistently provide shelter. You can keep looking for shortcuts if you wish, but good luck with that.

The reverse is also true and what many do not want to write about is that a submissive can misuse a Dominant’s own traits to nurture, grow, offer vulnerability first, demonstrate his/her own commitment first, against them.  

“Power has to be exchanged not taken.”

This is inspired by a counseling session I had with my daughter today. We were talking about boundaries and extending trust. She has trust issues… she’s been through a lot. Her counselor and I have her trust, and she has one long distance friend she trusts. While her peers extend trust at the drop of a hat, my 14 year old sees how that works against them often. She doesn’t understand why anyone her age would date. She wants to go to school and get the best education she can so she can leave this state as soon as she is legally allowed. It is good that she is guarded.. but she also needs to learn when it’s safe to trust. My advice was to trust with purpose. Never trust without knowing WHY you trust. I have often recommended to others to write down why they feel it is safe to trust someone before extending that trust. Have something tangible in your hands to look at. 

We discussed healthy ways to test that as time went on, in order to ensure trust remains warranted. As I was scrolling through Tumblr earlier I saw a comment somewhere (I wish I remembered where) that talked about how wrong it was to test. In the context they were talking about, I agree. So, I thought I would write about the right and wrong ways to test. For starters.. understand your motivation. If your motivation is at all to manipulate, gain evidence against, set up to fail… don’t test someone. Figure out why you feel the need to do that. Most likely you either need some therapy to help you find better ways to accomplish your goals, or you need to leave the relationship you’re in because it isn’t healthy. 

1.The first thing I recommend is to set a boundary. A legitimate one. Maybe it’s not wanting to be called a certain name. Perhaps it’s establishing a hard limit. Or asking for something to be kept private. When that boundary is acknowledged and honored, you have a real reason to trust someone. 

Do NOT go through a wallet, laptop, phone, credit card statement etc. to test someone. You do not have their consent for that. (The only exception I would make is when needing evidence in order to divorce or leave someone abusing you, but that is not for the purpose of testing)

2. Find something legitimate to disagree on. Again, you don’t need to make something up. No two people on earth on going to agree on everything. But see how the person interacts when a different point of view is brought up. Can they debate in a healthy way? Agree to disagree without making you feel stupid or invalid? Very good signs!

Do NOT whine, beg, or cry to see how much they can stand before they blow up. That isn’t healthy for anyone, and spoiler alert.. everyone has a breaking point where they are either going to lash out or leave. 

3. Communicate. We should do that anyway right? Once you’ve established some trust, have an open conversation. Let things go a little deeper than you previously have. This might be opening up about a past experience, or sharing deeper thoughts than you normally convey. Little steps are just fine. I never recommend putting everything out there in the first conversation. It’s also absolutely recommended to admit that this isn’t everything to know about you. But this amount feels safe for now. A decent person will appreciate what you have shared and will respect the time you need to feel comfortable going deeper. Hopefully, it will inspire them to also share some with you.. remember trust is a two way street, and while they are trying to gain yours, you should also be trying to gain theirs. 

Do NOT Force information on them. Ask if this is a good time to talk. If not, when? In healthy D/s people want to know about each other on very deep levels, so I will assume that the information is wanted, (If not, that is a huge red flag) But allow the person the ability to be in the right head space to receive the information. You don’t want to bombard them as they walk in the door after a rough day.

4. Watch for an opportunity to see them mad. Everyone has stressors. Maybe it’s traffic, maybe it’s standing in long lines, maybe it’s talking to a parent, or doing their taxes. When they are irritated, how do you feel and why? For instance, if you feel scared, it’s important to understand why. If you are truly fearful of your safety, get out of there. Don’t go back. If it’s maybe a trigger for a past event or relationship, then talk it out once things are calmed down. See how they respond to knowing their behavior frightened you. See if changes are made to make future issues easier. If doing taxes makes them angry then perhaps they’d recommend you get out of the house on that day and go see a friend. Or they can curb their anger when the two of you are in the car together. 

Do NOT look for ways to make them mad. These things should happen organically and be very honest. 

5. Say no. (or safeword) This isn’t just a boundary. This is an unexpected no. I don’t mean scream no (unless it’s warranted) or get in their face or anything like that. But see how the person responds when they don’t get their way. This is something I would typically recommend before a dynamic is established, during those earlier stages when there isn’t really a power exchange going on. There is a way to approach this inside an established dynamic though. Be prepared to explain yourself. The way I would approach that is to talk about it ahead of time in a meta talk. Explain that you want to test the use of a safeword and practice using it at an unexpected time. This keeps the dynamic in place, and is a good exercise for both sides of the slash. 

Do NOT use this to get out of a punishment or correction. Do NOT use this for any type of personal reward or reason. You aren’t saying no to get your way. You’re saying no to establish that you are being respected at difficult times just as much as when it’s easy and to give you both confidence that the dynamic is working as well as you both hope. Especially inside a dynamic, make sure this is consensual. 

6. Look at long term patterns. Maybe there was a falter, what is the long term pattern? A bad day, a bad choice, a miscommunication is most often not reason to withdraw trust. (Cheating is not just a bad choice.. it is a calculated and purposeful bad choice) A pause may be in order while you look at patterns, or proceeding with caution is sometimes warranted. But when the long term pattern is good, a hiccup isn’t a big deal. On the same note though, is something is occasionally good… and the long term pattern is bad, this is a good time to end the relationship. 

Do NOT disregard your gut instinct. If your gut says something is wrong.. dig deeper. If your gut is thinking order pizza.. things are likely just fine. 

The fact that a lot of us use tumblr to host our own services and products as independent creators, often as our only source of income, is irrelevant to them. The fact that to many of us this is our community is meaningless to them. We’re acceptable collateral damage to furthering corporate greed and that’s the fucking tea on that.

Not that I don’t think Apple is evil or don’t have a stranglehold on the market, but if the removal was specifically because of the pedophilia then that was a more than fair decision. Come to think of it, if it was because of all the porn bots it was also pretty fair. Tumblr should have gotten its shit together way earlier about that and if the whole “no adult content” thing is wholly their decisions then this mess is on them for not being able to manage their own website, panicking when there’s finally some consequences and deciding that trying to ban all “adult content” instead of dealing with the actual problem is the way to go

That whole “oh we rolled back the filtering system” that happened a while ago cause the algorithm was bullshit? Was them testing it to see a) how well it worked but also b) how we’d react.

But because, and this is all through the grapevine stuff and “anon sources” who were willing to talk to Vox (source), Verizon haven’t been putting any money into Tumblr since they bought it, the engineers that run the site have been jumping ship left right and center for better gigs (without being offered any reason to stay), so there’s been increasingly fewer staff to maintain or make changes, so the filter is still bullshit, still broken, and the site is only going to break further as time goes on cause no money is going into maintaining the basic infrastructure. So it doesn’t just seem like things are broken and no one is fixing it, things actually are breaking down, and there’s not enough people with the know how to fix it.

Big companies pay big money for you to never know these things about them, they scrub their google returns clean so that most of the time all you will ever find are positive results. Most people didn’t even know that Yahoo had been acquired by Verizon until recently. Some people still don’t.

Misinformation is how chaos thrives, and chaos can often be capitalized on provided it’s a carefully curated kind. All of this?—laughable as it is to say, was planned. Poorly planned, and even more poorly executed, but premeditated all the same. As is anything that is done by a corporate company.

This is why things like Net Neutrality did and do matter. This is why telecommunication companies developing a monopoly over the Internet was a bad idea. This is why so many of us have been freaking out while others call us tin foil hatters go “ugh come on guys, it’s not a big deal” because it does matter! The small things matter! Because the small things eventually make up the whole and sometimes the whole turns out to be a big steaming pile of mass censorship in favor of profit. And that’s a Problem.

Flan says: I’ve seen lots of lists like these, but often times they were a mix of sexual and nonsexual things or included lists of specific gifts or were just not quite tailored well enough for me. So I spent some time today coming up with a list of 100 nonsexual ways to make me feel extra little, or to bring that feeling to the forefront of my mind. Not all of these things have to be done all the time, but all of them will evoke that sort of feeling in me.

I hope this list gives you some ideas of your own! And I hope Senpai and Daddy get some ideas from it as well…

Help me tie my shoes

Wash my hair in the bath

Pet me

Pick out my clothes

Pull me into your lap

Get my paci if you notice me chewing my lip

Cuddle me

Make me giggle

Use my little dishes for a meal

Bring me a drink in a sippy cup

Stick a crazy straw in my drink

Hold my hand in public

Order for me at a restaurant

Drive me places (and pick me up)

Go to my doctor’s appointments with me

Help me make tough choices

Let me fall asleep on you

Ask me to help you with things

Tell me when I’m a good girl

Tell me if I make you proud

Take care of me when I’m sick

Remind me to take my medicine

Suggest naptime, especially if I’m crabby

Read to me

Ask me about my favorite things; tell me about yours

Whisper secrets to me

Teach me new things

Remember my plushies’ names

Ask about my plushies and toys

Tuck me in at night

Remind me of bedtime

Ask if I remembered to do things

Kiss the top of my head or forehead

Color with me

Check for mean-monsters

Listen to my excited-babbles

Play pretend with me

Take me to a park

Push me on the swings

Let me pick the movie

Tell me I’m cute/adorable

Kiss my owies

Use awesome band-aids

Surprise me

Get me little gifts

Set up a bubble bath

Let me draw a tiny heart on you

Check on my planner

Make music with me

Pick my jammies

Cook with me

Take me to the zoo

Take me to the library

Plan and go on a picnic

Take a walk with me

Take me stargazing

Visit a museum with me

Paint my toenails

Make sure I have something to cuddle

Invite me to a tea party

Ask about my imaginary friends

Plan a themed date night

Play board games with me

Play video games with me (or watch me play them)

Do arts and crafts with me

Give me candy/sweets

Make me hot cocoa with marshmallows

Blanket. Forts.

Show me a place I’ve never seen before

Whisper “shhh” in my ear when I’m upset

Wipe away my tears

Take me to see a kiddy movie in the theater

Sing with me when I break out into song

Call me “princess,” “little one,” “kitten,” “bunny,” “girl,” or “doll”

Appreciate little gifts I make/give you

Make a funny face at me in public

Scoop me up princess-style

Watch cartoons with me

Make me a healthy snack

Make a meal of special little foods

Give me an allowance

Have me complete chores

Remind me to wash my hands before I eat

Get things from places I can’t reach

Rub my tummy when it hurts

Start a pillow fight

Shoot me with a water gun or nerf gun

Quote from my favorite books and movies

Ask me silly questions

Try to win me a prize

Take me somewhere I need to dress up to go to

Ruffle my hair

Boop my nose if my emotions are getting too intense

Let me wear your t-shirt/hoodie

Write a note and leave it somewhere for me to find

Congratulate me for doing something difficult

Start my sleepy music at night

Take me to an amusement park

Take selfies/photobooth pictures with me

Texting with Daddy

Daddy: My little kitten

Daddy: You were really really brave today, you know?

Daddy: If I was next to you

Daddy: I would hold your hand

Daddy: Stroke your cheek

Daddy: Talk to you gently

Daddy: Brush your hair

Daddy: Give you little kissies

Daddy: Bring you water

Daddy: Tuck you in

Daddy: And I’d leave the night lamp on

Daddy: Until you fall asleep

Me: I am speechless

Daddy: You don’t have to say a word

quinoa? harvested by workers payed pennies a day. your strawberries? came from a producer using slave labor. your vegan chocolate? guess how the laborers were treated when harvesting the cacao.

Shit, they’ll pay for you to learn how to do it.

I just finished high school and got a untility job in a factory and I have almost no experience. They’re gonna train me for everything plus it has full health benefits.

All of the other guys there were great at locksmithing, but none of them were trained welders, and they needed someone who could build custom doors and frames. 

They trained him to do lock stuff too, so now he can weld AND pick locks. 

The owner of the company, when he handed out Christmas bonuses, looked at him and went “Dude we literally cannot fire you because we’d be screwed so here’s your bonus and also we’re giving you a raise.”