evgeni malkin has the cutest nose

bob and mearsy: nothing gold can stay. the most beautiful slow burn late-in-life-sexual-awakening coworkers to friends to lovers romance I’ve ever been lucky enough to witness. I miss them every day.

mearsy and phil: at the beginning mearsy thought phil was dumb as rocks and was tormented nightly by the birthdays segment. but by the end phil’s earnest bluster and truly terrible catchphrases had endeared him to mearsy. I was sad to see this partnership end

mearsy and army: my genuine opinion is that army brings out the best in whoever he’s paired with. they got along great and made for a great dynamic

joe and phil: phil might like EK more than he likes joe, if that gives you any indication of the vibes. phil pointedly makes no effort to banter with joe or rescue joe from his own bad jokes. he has no fellow feeling towards joe whatsoever and he wants joe to know it

josh and army: I haven’t listened enough but I hear it’s true love and it gets weirder & more beautiful every game

josh and that one guy (is he a former pens player?) who always sounds like he took an ambien 15 min before the broadcast started: well. it always amazes me that the one guy manages to stay awake the whole game

joe and army: army gives off strong vibes of “guy who was part of the popular crowd in high school by merit of being a talented jock but learned early on that if you were nice to nerds they’d do your homework for you, and then just kind of ended up being a genuinely nice guy because you are what you repeatedly do.” joe brand meanwhile gives off strong vibes of “journalism nerd who got bullied in high school then got kinda hot in his mid-20s but never adjusted inwardly or socially to being perceived as hot and still in his heart of hearts feels like he’s 15, acne-spotted, and hiding out in the English teacher’s classroom at lunch to escape his bullies.” when they are on the radio together army regularly extends a gentle, amiable, ‘hey man, I know you’re not funny or cool, but I’m here to smooth things over for you no problem’ sort of kindness to joe that quite frankly brings a tear to my eye

when you gotta apply scentblockers midway through the game

bonus: never beating the bleeding saint sebastian allegations

YOUR PITTSBURGH PENGUINS WRAPPED

You watched TWELVE blown leads

You experienced FIFTY unknowable horrors and THIRTY ONE moments of inescapable happiness

You thought SEVENTY FIVE uncharitable things at your least favorite player

You witnessed Evgeni Malkin be felled like a Redwood NINE times

You lovingly stroked a picture of Sidney Crosby's face EIGHTY NINE times, two more times than mandated, so you will have to pay a small fee to the Nova Scotia Save The Whales Fund

Your top 5 emotions for this season were

Haunting dread

Foolhardy optimism

The anxiety of a small animal caught in a bear trap

Incandescent joy

fellas is it gay to tenderly touch your work husband's thigh on live tv at his 500th goal ceremony.....

bonus:

and bonus bonus from @stuckinnet: