"Master of None"

sentences taken from here.

“ it looks like your dick has a tie on. ”

“ it’s just hot people dressing weird, and then we’re all at home going ‘ohhh’. ”

“ oh my god there’s so much fabric. ”

“ it looks like something that’ll take two days of my time and that’s what i’m lookin’ for right now. ”

“ i was looking for a couple days busy work, not 600 hours. ”

“ to me that’s a bunch of sticks in a circle. ”

“ you don’t need no jesus. i’m your religion. i’m your god. ”

“ i can’t even imagine how she got into this dress…let alone how she got out of it. ”

“ i own nun-chucks, because…i do. ”

“ ohhhhh matchsticks! yes, yes, yes. ”

“ and that’s what i need to do, i need to be dripping wet. ”

“ it’s 4pm, and that means i am late to my happy hour. ”

“ kissy kissy, mwah…i’m here by myself. ”

“ i got some hats and i have some socks to kind of stuff the buttocks and the boobas. ”

“ a little lumpy but we’re gettin’ somewhere. ”

“ why do i keep turning into a ghost…am i dead? ”

“ how is this happening right now, look at me i’m glowing…like edward cullen. am i a vampire? ”

“ am i a sexy vampire? ”

“ i’m remembering the fun of getting hot glue on your fingers and then having spider webs everywhere. ”

“ you guys were weirdos as kids, you know what i’m talkin’ about. ”

“ wow, wow…holy, heavenly, sing choirs of angels. i look like a whole communion. ”

“ i got some hot glue, and a dream. ”

“ here’s just a hot photo of me bein’ hot. ”

“ this is my bread, my body, and i give it to you. ”

“ important question: do you own a red carpet? ”

Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay…

There’s no need to cry.

I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to help you anymore.

Are you free, tomorrow night?

You promise you’ll actually come over this time?

He’s still your child too, you know.

I just tend to today’s chores and let the good lord worry about tomorrow.

But what about us?

No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone.

S/he’s been absent for the past couple days without any reason. No phone calls from parents, no doctor’s excuse.

If you could have someone pay a visit and make sure everything’s alright, it would be much appreciated.

Oh… jesus christ.

You do realise you just got promoted, right?

You don’t have to work on this bullshit case anymore.

I’ll believe it when I see it.

You need to open the door. Now.

I am not going away.

Don’t be nervous about the time.

You have loads of time.

I am at peace.

I beg for your love and protection against evil.

I have no choice anymore.

Nobody came for me.

What have I been praying to all this time?

My eyes are wide open.

Hello. Can you hear me?

Let me introduce myself. My name is [name]. It is very nice to meet you.

Consider me a friend, because I might consider you one too.

I like having friends. How many friends do you have?

Would you like to know a secret of mine?

I can make friends appear out of thin air.

You have to promise me that I am one of your friends first.

We must consider what makes up a good friend.

Always remember the most important rule.

They’re just as scared as you are.

I think it’s time to meet your new friend.

Can you keep an even bigger secret?

I think it worked.

Please. You gotta help me.

I don’t wanna look at his/her face again.

I have never seen anyone in my life that looks anything like him/her.

That can’t be right, that doesn’t make any sense…

See anything?

Everyone else fucking left.

What do you want!?

I’m gonna find help, okay?

He likes to hide, but he wants to meet you.

Stop or I’ll shoot!

I’ve been seeing this a lot lately and I understand if people get miffed about it. I would be too. And I think it’s a good call to try and interact with folks by calling attention to it.

let it be known though

if I follow you but we never rp, it’s not that i’m using you to get my follower count up.

I’m just rlly bad at making the first move.

Follower count doesn’t mean squat to me since I know that it usually ends up being like, dead blogs I’ll never see again. So yeah. 

This is a post where I’m encouraging you, the reader, to make the first move. Just try and talk to the people you follow, even if you don’t think they’d be interested in rping ( provided you follow their rules on contact, mutuals, ect ). Maybe they wanna rp? Maybe they don’t. Your chances can only increase if you come with an idea to bring to the table, so just try it!