"Gender and sexuality were all made up and can mean anything."
Sex and sexuality are not made up; these are biological factors. You don't choose your sex or sexuality. How you choose to perform gender does not change your sex or sexual orientation.
"Reducing people to their genitals is bad."
Calling homosexuals "bad" for expressing their sexuality is homophobic. Do we reduce people to their height if we express a preference for taller or shorter partners? There is much more to sex than genitals.
"Asexual lesbians exist. Even if you aren't asexual, you can date people or be attracted to them without just thinking of sex."
Asexual lesbians can exist, but that does not change the fact that they still won't date men. If you are not asexual and attracted to people regardless of their sex, you are a bisexual person without a preference.
"Intersex women with penises exist."
"Cis women can have different sex organs outside and inside."
If your developmental pathway has not been organized toward the production of ova, you're not female. The exception can be made for those without functional gonads (e.g., Swyer syndrome) whose development proceeds along a phenotypically female pathway.
"Trans people get bottom surgery but not top surgery or vice versa."
Plastic surgery does not change your sex. If you have inherited a big nose and get rhinoplasty, it doesn't change your DNA. So, if you have children, they can inherit a large nose.
"Women are not walking vaginas."
No, obviously not. But vaginas are typically female, and lesbians are attracted to women. There are more traits and aspects to the female sex than a vagina.
I'm not even going to entertain that anecdote about your friend who got a phalloplasty. I'd suggest looking within and figuring out why homosexuality bothers you so much.
